If Your Partner Is Dieting, They Probably Want to Dump You, Says Science
A report by a couple of fun-loving sociologists in Germany may have you concerned. They say that happy couples get fat because there is no longer the same pressure on them to look good. Thus, when your wonderful boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband announces he or she is only eating egg whites, and spending a lot of time in the gym, and how about this raw food diet program he or she has heard so much about?, you should be very worried that they're not going to be much fun to go to dinner with. And also, they might want to ditch you for someone else. (The alternative, non-science view: They may just want to get healthy so as to enjoy life with you as much as possible for the rest of your glorious years, and you should really stop being so irrationally paranoid.)
Study head Thomas Klein explained: "When you are on the look out for a new partner people try to be as thin and attractive as possible."
Signs that your lover might be considering flying the coop are as follows:
--a sudden obsession with working out --joining a sports team that plays every night, and twice on Saturdays and Sundays --going on a "cleanse" (actually, this just means they are going to be cranky and annoying) --telling you that they feel that you're growing apart --throwing away all the spicy nacho Doritos without even asking --getting engaged to someone else
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Unfortunately, the German sociologists don't tell us how to cope with such situations, but we can personally attest that people who are always going on about their diets are not our favorite people to hang out with, so maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Once freed from that horrible cycle of abuse, go out and order a cheese plate and some wine, you'll feel much better!
As for the golden nugget in this research: Happy couples are usually fatter than single people. Take that, smug marrieds.
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