In Celebration of 100 Years of Strap Marks, Doctor Introduces "Human Bra"...Plus, Scenes from a Bra's Life (a Photo Gallery)

If we live to be 100, we hope that our friends and remaining family members who don't hate us entirely will bring us a nice melty ice cream cake (not too frozen, for the sake of our dentures) and some jolly tales of the good old days, when we used to be pretty and fun and able to eat solid foods. But the modern bra, which will be celebrated for its 100 years of existence at an FIT event on Friday, expects and deserves far more than that.

At said event, Park Avenue plastic surgeon Dr. Kaveh Alizadeh will introduce "the Big Apple's first human bra," which uses a woman's own skin to form a natural internal bra inside her chest.

Along with sounding like the plot of a B-horror movie, doesn't that sort of hurt the actual birthday bra's feelings?

Attendees will include bra historian Jené Luciani, a bunch of models clad in periodic brassieres, and, of course, ladies who have had the natural-bra thing done to them, presumably against their will. Check back for photos. For now, enjoy a photo gallery of our friend the bra's life over the years...  

At a school carnival one time, she was the proud winner of two handsome goldfish, whom she dubbed "Rick" and "Barnaby." They died several days later, to her great dismay.
At a school carnival one time, she was the proud winner of two handsome goldfish, whom she dubbed "Rick" and "Barnaby." They died several days later, to her great dismay.

 

Later, those close to her would muse that the death of her pet goldfish marked her turn toward a certain darkness, and experimentation with "huffing" and "cutting." She also took to wearing black nail polish...
Later, those close to her would muse that the death of her pet goldfish marked her turn toward a certain darkness, and experimentation with "huffing" and "cutting." She also took to wearing black nail polish...
...and hanging with the wrong crowd.
...and hanging with the wrong crowd.

 

A chance meeting with a roadside carney scared her straight, however.
A chance meeting with a roadside carney scared her straight, however.
She took to the road with him and even started eating meat again.
She took to the road with him and even started eating meat again.

 

The two of them were happy for a while, and had lots of little bras. Then she got fat, and he split, leaving her alone. But she didn't mind.
The two of them were happy for a while, and had lots of little bras. Then she got fat, and he split, leaving her alone. But she didn't mind.
She started to garden,
She started to garden,
became an environmental activist,
became an environmental activist,
got a part-time job in Santa's jalapeno factory,
got a part-time job in Santa's jalapeno factory,
and really enjoyed listening to NPR in the mornings.
and really enjoyed listening to NPR in the mornings.

 

In the end, she knew exactly who she was again.
In the end, she knew exactly who she was again.

Happy birthday, bra. We wouldn't know what to do without you.


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