Kate and Wills, Together at Last! The Royal Wedding Liveblog
Good morning! It's your royal wedding bloggers, Rosie Gray, Francesca Stabile, and Jen Doll, here in these wee hours munching pretend scones and mainlining coffee so we can tell you exactly what's happening on this glorious day of April 29, 2011, the much-anticipated day of nuptials between Prince William and the lovely-but-common Kate Middleton. More than 2 million are watching. What will they see, and how should they feel about it? Let's get started! (If you're awake and not near a television, the live stream is here.)
Jen: THE PRINCES ARE ARRIVING. People are screaming Rosie: Hearse-like cars driving through the streets of London towards the wedding. Church bells of Westminster pealing! Jen: Imagine the conversation in the car. Francesca: The princes are hard to tell apart when they are wearing hats.
Rosie: William and Harry heading to the Abbey. Kate will be the last person to arrive. Damnn Wills and Ginger look good together in uniform. Jen: Oooh, they look fancy. All that gold braid all over Harry. Actually, they don't look that nervous. Not that I know what a royal nervous look is. Rosie: (Diana's, 1981). Francesca: It's much more regal than a commoner's nervous look
Francesca: Okay so NBC commenters made a bald joke, FAIR GAME! Jen: Wills is apparently teased for less medals, less hair. Francesca: "Kate has been able to get used to royal life." Must have been rough for her. Rosie: That is an interesting point though! Diana was 19 years old. Imagine that! Kate is in her late 20s, she's more prepared for this. Well, as prepared as you can be.
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Francesca: Has anyone seen CPB yet? Camilla Parker Bowles? Rosie: I know where she's sitting. Between Charles and Harry. Francesca: Of course you do! Jen: So, William is just wandering around chatting...he talked to the Middletons... Rosie: The Middletons are sitting with the Spencers (Diana's family).
Jen: Aside from the uniforms, the enormous, historic abbey, the police, and the whole royal situation (and millions of viewers) this is totally a normal wedding! Francesca: They said they're covering Kate with a sheet so no one sees the dress until she gets there. Imagine all the hilarious tripping scenarios. Rosie: Oh god. Francesca: I'm jealous, clearly. Rosie: Diana had like a 20-foot train on her dress. Francesca: Are trains 2011? Or are they "2000 and late" in the words of the Other Ferg? Rosie: Okay -- apparently! Sarah Ferguson was NOT invited. Francesca: WHAT! Rosie: That's what I heard! The House of Windsor is really catty sometimes.
Francesca: People pulling up to Abbey in buses -- Matt Lauer says there's no shame in coming in a bus. As opposed to a Bentley. Rosie: I'm so thankful that Matt Lauer is covering this. It's strangely comforting. Francesca: Right? He can offer insight on the hair thing. Rosie: He's been there, done that.
Jen: Is that Mrs. Middleton? Francesca: How do you figure out if a hat is "royal wedding worthy"? Rosie: If it obscures your entire forehead and doesn't serve as a practical hat. Jen: That's James and Mrs. Middleton? They look great. Francesca: Also, plumage! Vegas has odds on whether Mrs. Middleton will be chewing gum at the wedding.
Jen: DUKE OF YORK. DUKE OF YORK. Rosie: Wait but which one is the official Duke of York? Confused. The British monarchy is confusing. Jen: Beatrice and Eugenie will be wearing Jimmy Choos. Apparently.
Francesca: CPB IN THE HOUSE! Matt just called CPB and Charles a "great love story" Rosie: Wow. Jen: Double wow. Francesca: I feel like that public perception of CPB being not a disgrace hasn't made it across the pond Rosie: I mean, look, CPB isn't a bad lady. But it was a bad situation for her and for everyone. The thing is -- she's going to be queen! Jen: We just got the "behind every man there's a great woman" quote. Behind. Rosie: Duh.
Jen: Haha. OK, Duke of York = Prince Andrew. Rosie: Right. And Duchess of York = Fergie (AKA NOT INVITED) Francesca: Ooooh they just told us the crown prince of Swaziland got the invite but Fergie did NOT! Rosie: Dis. Jen: Serious.
Rosie: Queen is in yellow! She looks fantastic. Francesca: The Queen went for a lady top hat it would seem. Jen: I know I'm shallow. But I'd hate to be the "servant" of a nation. Imagine all the dishes! The Queen's mom lived to 101. I think it's all in the gentle waves. Rosie: The sun never sets on the House of Windsor. Jen: Little girls appearing dressed in white dresses with flower tiaras. Rosie: But seriously they have some cray longevity gene. Jen: I confess a little bit of excitement. This is pretty pomp & circumstancey! CAMILLA! Francesca: Think about it though, all the fun stuff that kills us is unbecoming of a Queen. Rosie: CAMILLA Jen: With Charles. Looking pretty feathered of hair, British, nice. Charles is taking off his gloves, giving them to some guy. Francesca: Camilla's hat reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons where Homer has a sombrero made out of nachos. Jen: Do you think she'll eat it? Francesca: Depends on length of ceremony. #snacks
Rosie: You know, I think this would be better if they were in horse-drawn carriages. Hate to be old-fashioned! Francesca: NBC commenters just called Kate a "commoner" Rosie: It's interesting that they make such a big deal of KM being a "commoner." Her parents are like millionaires. Francesca: People of the Internet: If you are playing a drinking game, work in a shot every time they call her a commoner during her own wedding Jen: Money is common! OMG there is a 3-year-old bridesmaid. You don't recover from that. The Queen is getting out the car. She looks like BUTTER. (In a beautiful way.) OR the sun. The Queen always looks JUST like the Queen.
Jen: They keep saying the "Goring Hotel" and I think they're saying the "Boring Hotel." "Kate Middleton will be leaving the BORING HOTEL." Francesca: They just did a giant sweep of the lawn in front of the Abbey, there are so many people there. Rosie: Well, look, Kate is frankly kind of boring, but THAT'S HER JOB. Jen: Eyes glued to car...will we see Kate Middleton? Rosie: Soon! Rumor: Designer for Alexander McQueen did her dress. Francesca: Definitely some train action. Jen: She is in a white dress, you can see that for sure! Rosie: Holy shit there she is. Francesca: Wait I think I like that dress? Jen: Kate getting in the car, covered in veil. Rosie: Wow. Already can tell there's too much lace. Jen: Some announcer just said her collarbones looked radiant. AND THEY DO. Francesca: Rosie! She's a royal now, all lace everything. "Symbolically sheer" means what exactly? Rosie: It means nothing. Jen: Basically, no slutty dress for you, princess! Francesca: I'd have judged her for going strapless. Jen: CNN commenter: "You wouldn't want to wear that to a restaurant." Rosie: LOL. Francesca: Wait, I'd have judged her for any dress, really
Rosie: At CNN we've got Piers Morgan and Anderson Cooper. Dream Team. Francesca: Team Cooper. Rosie: According to CNN, Kate is 3 times more popular than William. Francesca: Infographs! I'd like to see that in a pie chart Rosie: I'm nervous that it's going to rain. Jen: I have to say, this dad stuff gets me going. So sweet! Rosie: OMG KATE LOOKS AMAZING. Jen: Also, she looks pretty!!! Francesca: Wait she looks so pretty!!! Jen: The crowd is just flipping out. Rosie: As they should! Oh look at those little kids in the ceremony. Francesca: Is that Pippa walking in with the flower girls? Rosie: So adorable. Francesca: Why is she wearing white? Jen: Pippa, Kate's sis, holding the hands of the little girls, walking into the church. The Middletons have good genes, you gotta admit.
Francesca: Oh burn, Vera Wang just said it's not too fashion forward of a dress. Rosie: "The cut of the veil is SO IMPORTANT" -- CNN. Fact: Pippa is most likely going to be Kate's lady-in-waiting. That's a position that legit still exists. Jen: OK. She's getting out of the car. Hands bouquet to her sister. Rosie: Holy. shit. Francesca: SO. MUCH. TRAIN. Rosie: OMG OMG. THAT DRESS. Jen: Ooh I might even cry. Or just drink more coffee. Francesca: I will never in my life look as put together as Kate Middleton Jen: You'll also never marry Prince William...probably. Rosie: Okay this train is GREAT. Not as ridic as diana's. Still impressive. Guessing about 8 ft long. Francesca: I'm gunning for Harry so that's a good thing, JDoll. Jen: Those bells are almost crazy-making. You'd be adorable together.
Rosie: Okay, they're entering the Abbey! Francesca: It got super quiet! Rosie: Kate looks nervous. Francesca: Told my roommate Kate was walking in and she burst out of her room. Mrs. Middleton must be feeling pretttyyyy good about her child-rearing skills. GUYS THIS IS SO REGAL!!!! Rosie: Caveat: Kate's hair veers a little bit into Snooki territory! Jen: There's going to be a LOT of Church in this wedding, FYI. Ooh, those are the trees brought in on Wednesday. It's all so serious, isn't it? Rosie: Well, the royals are in charge of the Church of England (nominally). What if Kate just like got cold feet and ran away? Like Runaway Bride. Francesca: I'd love some Richard Gere up in this piece. Jen: Those little boys in their military suits are just too fucking cute.
Rosie: Wait, where is the eerie choir music coming from? I hear it but I don't see it. Francesca: That's just CNN, they have the budget for that. Wills is turned facing away from Kate as she walks down the aisle, a little harsh. Wills' grin: ginormous. Jen: Aww...they looked at each other! Kate arrived at Wills' side. They're chatting, giggling. Harry looks peeved. Francesca: Harry needs a drink. Rosie: Lined up: Kate's dad, Kate, Wills, Harry. Jen: WHOA CNN has look from above at the Abbey that's making me nauseated. Rosie: Grand orchestral church music. Jen: It's pretty grand. Service: About to start! Rosie: I'm nervous and i'm not even at this wedding.
Francesca: They're singing a hymn: cut to Elton John. Jen: Close-up on Elton John, singing from his program. HAH. Francesca: Dying to blow it out of the water but a gentleman enough to be restrained. Rosie: He's like, "Jesus, not another of these awful royal weddings." Francesca: "All I want to do is sing Candle in the Wind." "Maybe a Disney song." Surprised that this crowd can sing so well. Rosie: Not to get all cheesy? But I've been to Westminster Abbey before and it's incredible. I can't even imagine how moving it must be to be there right now. Francesca: Do you think they put dummy guests in the crowd that are actually choir singers?
Rosie: CEREMONY STARTING. Wait -- is this the Archbishop of Canterbury yet? Or still the Duke of London? Jen: Whoever he is has the most soothing voice ever. Rosie: Okay, this is the Dean of Westminster. Francesca: Feel bad for Kate having to keep an "interested" face on during this whole ceremony. That's a lot of pressure! Jen: Oooh this is my fave part of weddings. Say your shit or hold your peace! Francesca: My favorite part is the open bar Jen: Someone coughed. Well..yeah.
Rosie: Here comes the Archbishop of Canterbury. Jen: Wills looks sleepy. Rosie: Traditionally a very important figure in British history! Francesca: They should blast the A.C. in the Abbey to keep them alert, but imagine the carbon footprint. They just passed Kate's hand from her father to Wills. Rosie: "William Arthur Phillip Louis." Francesca: That is a very interesting custom. Jen: Catherine's "I'm looking at you pleasantly" expression is just perfect. Francesca: THIS IS SO ROMANTIC! Rosie: Kate sounds ridiculously nervous. SHE DIDN'T FUCK UP WILLS' NAME! She is seriously the best thing the royals could have lucked into, huh?
Jen: Ooh the embarrassing part where the ring never really goes on! Rosie: I'm surprised that the Archbishop of Canterbury doesn't have a hat on. I was expecting some weird bishop-hat. Francesca: Napkin hats. Jen: THEY ARE LADY MAN AND WIFE! Rosie: CHEERING! Francesca: To be unromantic for a moment: do you think Kate is cackling on the inside going "I DID IT." Rosie: AMEN. Organ music begins. Wait, are they now offish married? Francesca: That's it! Rosie: THEY'RE FORMALLY MARRIED Jen: Shortest, best ceremony ever. We should emulate it for ourselves. Should we ever need to. Francesca: Did he just say they were gonna sing tubthumping?? Rosie: I doubt I'll ever get married in Westminster Abbey. Jen: You guys, they can't kiss til later, on the balcony. Nick Greene told me that! Francesca: Dream big, Rosie! Nick Greene: good at science, puns, and royal wedding rituals.
Jen: That bishop-person's hot pink hat is hella awesome. Francesca: OMG CHECK OUT THAT LADY GAGA HAT BEHIND THE QUEEN. It looks like an octopus giving birth. Rosie: Wow, W. Abbey is grand! Elton John simply cannot remember the words to these hymns. Jen: Pippa doesn't look like she knows the words either. Francesca: Pippa is too concerned with how she's going to top this to care about singing. Jen: Kate is just perfect. SO FUCKING ROYAL. Kate's bro James is talking. Hottay. Rosie: James Middleton is...giving a speech? WTF. Jen: He wants people to present themselves as living sacrifices? WHAT IS THIS? Francesca: No it's a passage from the Bible, y'all. Jen: Oh, whew. I thought they were going to line up the virgins.
Francesca: I've only been to church like 5 times but I think that's what happens. Rosie: This is just your basic run of the mill church service, really. Jen: Ooh, someone gave them an anthem as a wedding gift. You know they're like...GREAT. Rosie: Little choir boys singing. So cute! Jen: I'm not convinced some of these people are not actors. Rosie: 30% of the people present are actors. Francesca: 65% of wedding preparation was looking through headshots. Hand picking the crowd. Rosie: It would be funny if someone yelled "Fire!!!" right now. Francesca: Kanye needs to bust in. God all my jokes are so 2009 awards season. Jen: It's always funny when someone yells "Fire." Or, "Kanye."
Jen: "In a sense, every wedding is a royal wedding, with the bride and groom as king and queen of creation." Doesn't that make you common people feel better? Rosie: Wait, who the fuck is talking right now? The personnel at this wedding could have been streamlined. Jen: I have no idea. Yeah. I can't get over how great Kate looks. So poised, too. Francesca: Let's ask the internet!
Jen: William, still looking tired. Also, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kate_Middleton. Francesca: OK, Twitter is telling me this is The Lord Bishop of London, Richard Chartres. Aww, someone already put in a wedding photo!
Jen: There are so many words being used today that I love. "Pithy." "Torn asunder." Think anybody brought a baby to the chuch? Francesca: Not unless it's part of some royal ritual. Jen: I bet they banned babies. Rosie: If a baby cried in the middle of this, the Queen would be PISSED. Francesca: Speaking of babies: that's the next thing we get to look forward to! Star said that Kate was pregnant already. Rosie: Of course they did. Jen: Star is a pretty reliable source! And Kate's not wearing a wedding dress with a tummy cut-out, so they're probably right. What is she hiding? Francesca: hahaha HAHAHAHA Jen: Ugh, baby-bump watch on these two is going to start in like an hour, huh? Francesca: Just got the official WSJ News Alert so they are definitely 100% real married. Jen: But seriously, where can I get one of those armed guard fur hats? Rosie: eBay.
Francesca: According to @breakingnews, there have been 18 arrests made along the royal wedding route. No word on whether it's all psycho hose beast girls punching their boyfriends for not being a Royal. Jen: That's not psycho hose beast, that's normal! Francesca: Will take your word for it! What comes after all the hymns and readings? Rosie: Wait, we're praying AGAIN? Jen: Less singing, more praying! Can we get that on T-shirts?
Jen: Whoa, these CNN pull-backs and Abbey-shots are dizziness-making. Could we also get a T-shirt that says "So many bishops, so little time"? Rosie: Having it printed right away.
Rosie: OH GOD they're praying again. Jen: Good to know that British people all say "WHOOOOO!" Rosie: How can they possibly pray more? Francesca: I'm gonna wear a dress to work today and I'm gonna be disappointed all day that it doesn't have a train.
Jen: The cut from the outside frivolity to the indoor praying is pretty telling. Royals don't have as much fun. Francesca: Perhaps will fashion one out of toilet paper [ed. note: assuming Frannie means "will fashion a train out of toilet paper"?] Jen: Also, I'm imagining the streets of Londontown smell like Boddington's today.
Francesca: "The moment that will absolutely raise the roof all over Britain, the National Anthem." The British version of raising the roof is very different than mine. Jen: That's it, Britain's roof is officially raised. Risen? Francesca: Done got rosed. The Queen is not singing "God Save The Queen" Don't you think she'd be a little more invested? Or is that custom? Jen: The Queen might not be allowed to. Wouldn't that be untoward? Like voting for yourself? Rosie: "And if that doesn't make you proud to be British, nothing will." -- Piers Morgan. Now they are signing the marriage registers. Francesca: I'm actually so happy right now! I feel like I'm watching a movie. Jen: This is as good as it gets, Frannie. Makes me feel like I should have made a play for that Tanzanian prince in college. I coulda been a contender.
Jen: Rosie, do women have to wear hats? I presume you know this? Rosie: You know, I actually think they do. Jen: It seems like all of them are. Out-of-doors, it looks like the natives are getting restless. Francesca: I'm getting restless, too. Rosie: Yeah. What comes after this? (After party). Jen: They're going to leave, go to the balcony, wave at all the commoners, do it (I mean, kiss). Francesca: Can you link to R. Kelly's Ignition (Remix)? Jen: This is the napping portion of the program, for all of you watching at home. Rosie: Literally nothing of interest is happening. All attendees appear to be just sort of lolling about Francesca: Time for questions: Do you think the choir boys got paid?
Francesca: That was a legit question! Real talk: if you own any Union Jack apparel, today seems to be the day to wear it regardless of how ugly it is Rosie: Yeah, doesn't even matter. Rock that shit today. Okay, they're leaving WAbbey. Pippa is holding Kate's train.
Jen: They're leaving the church...Kate still looks gorgeous. Francesca: It seems they are finally allowed to smile. Jen: Wills has brightened a bit. What Essie nail polish color do you think Kate's wearing? Rosie: Chinchilly? Francesca: "Future Queen of England Bitches!!!" Jen: It would be so romantic if he just swept her up and ran out the door with her! Francesca: My roommate just came back from a run and asked if I had run out of things to say yet -- we'll let the commenters decide. Aww they are in front of the Abbey and everyone can see them!
Rosie: OMG OMG. This is huge. Francesca: CONFETTI EVERYWHERE! Rosie: Kate greets her adoring public! Jen: Now, there's the carriage we were waiting for. How tight is security round these parts? Francesca: I'm going to ask Tony if we can get a confetti cannon for the office Jen: And where are they going to put that enormous train? Do you think they've practiced getting in the carriage a million times? Rosie: Duh! No room for error. So she arrived in a car, is leaving in a carriage. Dreams come true! Jen: Seems like a downgrade to me! Francesca: Rosie can you link to Horse and Carriage by Cam'ron
Jen: The Queen looks moderately pleased. Francesca: Huge weight off her shoulders, isn't it? They are now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge! Jen: They are proceeding to Buckingham Palace in the horse and carriage. Surrounded by a bunch of guys in horses and major headgear. Rosie: Getting sappy here, but this is pretty magical. Look at them!
Francesca: The aerial shot really shows how big the dress is. Jen: "It actually was a dress for a modern bride." Francesca: How do you get to be inside Buckingham Palace walls for the next part? Application? Rosie: Rigorous training process. I'm glad they didn't do an updo for Kate. I was worried they would do some prommy updo.
Rosie: So, she's changing outfits before the next event right? "We have got a new superstar in Kate Middleton" -- Piers Morgan. He's full of wisdom this morning! Jen: Close up on the 3-year-old bridesmaid, who is simply adorable. Also: The sun has come up! The royals are so powerful.
Francesca: They just brought up the rain part -- imagine if it was raining today? I just want to fast forward to them kissing! Rosie: "Ab-so-LUTE-ly e-LEC-tric atmosphere!" Francesca: Perfect British phonetics there. Rosie: Kate is legitimately glowing. They're trotting in their carriage around some circular thing. Francesca: Pregnancy watch!
Rosie: There will be a buffet-style lunch! So casual. Jen: Queen is giving them a lunchtime reception with 600 people...A small gathering. Oh no, Piers Morgan went there: "Nothing has gone wrong with this!" Francesca: I don't like that he keeps saying, "You won't see this again in your lifetime, a future King of England getting married."
Rosie: Piers Morgan is the number one hype man for the royal family. He's claiming we've never seen Wills kiss Kate. What? Jen: WE HAVE NEVER SEEN PRINCE WILLIAM KISSING KATE MIDDLETON. Francesca: Wait is that true that we've never seen Wills and Kate Kiss? Jen: I can't remember it happening. Not that I've been watching closely.
Rosie: Dinner will be followed by "dancing at Buckingham Palace," whatever that actually means. Francesca: A bunch of Brits rocking side to side awkwardly. Jen: The Queen has arrived at the Palace! Francesca: How do you dance at a royal wedding? I like the champagne glass in one hand/finger point with the other move. Rosie: "The Queen and...her husband." It's PRINCE PHILIP, Anderson, jeez. Jen: And here come Camilla, Charles, and the Middletons...I always like this part of a wedding, right before people start getting their booze on. So anticipatory.
Jen: David Beckham was invited. Of course. Rosie: Obvi. Jen: And made all kinds of fuck-ups, with medals on the wrong side. Meanwhile, CNN is calling Posh "a triumph." Francesca: Men's Warehouse running a wedding commercial during the Royal Wedding: BOLD MOVE.
Rosie: Now we're anticipating the Royal Kiss. Francesca: Oh God, they aren't kissing for 40 minutes? Rosie: Oh jeez. Jen: Did you see that poor Harry was stuck in the kid's carriage? Kiss in 35 minutes! Rosie: Woooo. Jen: "The commoners are converging on their great commoner."
Jen: The British public is marching toward the Palace gate! Looking at the streets of London in aerial view is kinda crazy -- the streets are full of ants. Rosie: Marching, or "storming"? Jen: (And by ants I mean "commoners") Rosie: London must be cray right now. Jen: Seriously! It makes me want a beer. Rosie: In some homey London pub. With Piers Morgan and Anderson Cooper. Jen: Piers Morgan just said they were on him. He also said "this is now the epi-center of UK Party Central." I am not kidding. Rosie: And he was not wrong.
Jen: KISS COUNTDOWN. Rosie: This is happening. Jen: Do you feel like a proud parent? They're discussing WHERE Wills will kiss Kate. "Some say the hand, some say the cheek." Rosie: Not the mouth? Jen: If it's a cheek kiss you know they're not going to make it. Round of beers it will be lips. Francesca: KISS COUNTDOWN!!! Rosie: As you once told me, if you don't want to kiss the guy on the first date, you never will. Jen: Did I say that? God, sometimes I'm wise. Francesca: Every dude at the gym was watching the wedding. Rosie: You've taught me everything I know. Jen: Is this the 13th Men's Wearhouse commercial? Rosie: They have a real carpe diem attitude towards this wedding!
Francesca: Of course Piers' top 3 dresses include Kate's. I want to go to Harry's "survivors breakfast" Jen: We could probably get over there in time if we flew now. Rosie: Harry's hip flask has been the one thing getting him through this morning. Francesca: Same here Jen: ACK they're about to come out!!!! Rosie: HERE THEY ARE Jen: Emerging from balcony. They wave. They look exactly the same as 20 minutes ago. Francesca: Imagine having 1,000,000+ people chanting at you for your "first kiss" Jen: Don't fuck up! Rosie: Remember, they're totally virgins. Francesca: We need some Queen/David Bowie "Under Pressure" playing right now Jen: Ooh, awkward, all the parents are there. And children. Francesca: Maybe Elton can sing it live, actually Jen: Pippa and Harry are chatting it up. Francesca: Wait, why hasn't Elton had a chance to sing yet? Jen: Wow. The crowd is insane. Francesca: Wills looks like a goon! The worlds luckiest goon. Jen: First kiss -- half on the lips, half on the face!
Rosie: Oh my God. They are so incredibly cute. Usually I don't believe that celeb couples are in love, but I really think these two are in love. Jen: The crowd was chanting "kiss" -- imagine if they all had wineglasses to clink. Francesca: Are they allowed to kiss again? Jen: The crowd wants it. Francesca: OK: final thoughts? Rosie: Final thoughts: it was lavish, kind of bizarre, and totally charming. Jen: Piers says the kiss was "longer and more passionate than Charles and Diana's" Rosie: Well duh! Charles and Di hated each other. Francesca: Obvi, making out with Charles would be like making out with a trout Jen: As royal weddings of the century go, I'd give it an A-! Francesca: This was the best royal wedding I've ever seen Rosie: I think Piers Morgan enjoyed it more than any of us. Francesca: (This is the only royal wedding I've ever seen.) I'm glad they kissed again. [Ed: They kissed again, lips matching perfectly!] They are totally IL. Rosie:
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