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Let's Play The Republican Presidential Debate Drinking Game!

Tonight marks yet another Republican presidential debate, and podium enthusiasts across the country will be glued to their TV screens when the candidates take the stage. The CBS/National Journal/Pennzoil/Burger King/Papa John's/AMC Loews/Comcast/Olive Garden/Mercedes/StarKist/Beef 'O' Brady's/Meineke/SC GOP forum kicks off at 8 p.m. EST from Wofford College in South Carolina. Like Thanksgiving dinner, Republican debates are gatherings of familiar faces who routinely say such profoundly upsetting things that the only way you can cope with it is by getting drunk. Let's play the Republican Presidential Debate Drinking Game!

Because this is a Republican debate, you are only allowed to drink patriotic drinks from companies with a proud, American tradition (and whose operations have long since been outsourced overseas). No wine, because wine is for baguette-munching sissies. Please play responsibly and know your limits. Also, don't get gay married during the game.

Here are the rules, or, as you may refer to them, "your base:"

Take a sip every time:

  • A candidate mentions Ronald Reagan
  • Michele Bachmann interrupts the moderator
  • Herman Cain laughs at one of his own jokes
  • Rick Perry says "jobs"
  • Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain agree
  • Mitt Romney has that, "How the fuck are these people close to me in the polls" look
  • Take a chug every time:

    • A candidate mentions a country other than America, Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan
    • A candidate says "Occupy Wall Street" in a sentence that doesn't contain the words, "nonsense," "hippie," "spoiled," "misguided," or "Soros-funded granola-fueled anything-goes sex caravan."

    Finish your drink every time:

    • Jon Huntsman says something sane and is booed off the stage
    • A candidate takes out a picture of Ronald Reagan from their wallet and kisses it
    • A candidate says "Obamacare" while making a masturbation gesture with his or her hand
    • Herman Cain makes a pass at moderator Scott Pelley
    • Newt Gingrich asks for twelve more minutes of time and is awarded it
    • Rick Santorum's phone goes off to reveal that his ringtone is Cher's "Believe"

    The Republican Presidential Debate at Wofford [Wofford.edu]

    [@nickgreene][ngreene@villagevoice.com]


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