Losing Friends on Twitter: The Right Way to Tell You You're Wrong

The ego-fulfillment-potential with Twitter's a strange one: you can opt-in to receive emails to notify you of new follows - people who'll now hang on your 140-word burst transmissions about how you bushed your teeth with deodorant this morning - but not the sad side of things: People Who're Tired of You.

Yes, because Twitter is a wonderful opening for your mind to willingly spring leaks of verbal, emotional, psychological, and information diarrhea, some people take that wonderful opening to do so more and more as proportionate to the number of people who're supposedly interested in what they have to say. And eventually, those people will tire out some of their followers. And they'll watch their follower count go down, often, without having any idea who they just lost as a listener. Which begs the question: Is it better to have a greater quantity of followers or a greater quality of followers?

If you're of the former persuasion, go away, because you're making the world worse, because Twitter is mostly stupid people and culling those stupid people into listening to you is really quite easy. Seriously.

Click to enlarge if you really want to see a dead Twitter bird that large on your screen.
Click to enlarge if you really want to see a dead Twitter bird that large on your screen.

But if you're either of the persuasion that the quality of followers is of a higher priority - or you're just straight-up obsessed with your numbers - you have two options:

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1. Seek help of the professional kind, specifically in the field of mental health care. Because Twitter ostensibly has other purposes but really is meant to make you insane. And it's working.

2. Use Qwitter. It's a service that enables you to find out who unfollowed you when.

This could possibly be a great thing Twitter should've already thought of. This could possibly be revolutionary. This could possibly lead to an uptick in the quality of the tidal waves of Justin Bieber related-information that is carelessly tossed out into the universe! Or it could just be a chance for someone to eventually make money, which...it is:

Our Premium Services include getting your notification emails faster, without ads and you will have a login area to manage your account and view analytics. These services are great for individuals and businesses that rely on quick notifications and detailed analytics to adjust marketing approaches.

In the mean time, the free version could just make people crazier and more obsessive and more fiendish about Twitter, like being told specifically which unrecoverable crack rocks in your audience you've lost, and possibly why you lost them. Ever have something fall into a sewer grate? And you know it's there and you know you can't reach it? And you stick your hand into the sewer grate and you still can't reach it and you get your arm stuck there and possibly have to have it amputated?

'Just saying. That said, I signed up. You probably will too.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]


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