New "Retrosexuals" Really Just Metrosexuals With a Wardrobe Change

The Philadelphia Inquirer is drooling all over the "Retrosexual," a delightful new character in today's great "Menaissance." Think Don Draper-esque manly men with cigars and bespoke suits, pomaded and primped to dapper 1950s glory.

Take Leo Mulvihill, Drexel University law student and purported Retrosexual, a fellow who sashays around campus "sporting a vintage Brooks Brothers three-piecer and authentic 1960s Florsheims, his trilby cocked just so."

Oh dear.

But ladies, get this: Women are to blame for this insufferable new trend:

"Till the 1950s, manliness meant action and a force for good," says Brett McKay, 27, a law school graduate turned blogger. Then, feminism disturbed that order. "A lot of men were confused."

Enter Retrosexualism as a way for these poor bewildered man-lambs to regain their strength and self-worth via a diet of hat-wearing and shaving with a brush and razor accompanied by the sweet tunes of jazz.

"Retrosexual is all about 'I am Man. Hear me roar!' says Katherine Anderson, a doctoral student in cultural studies at George Mason University.

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That doesn't mean Retrosexuals want women to quit their jobs and stay home with the babies, however. They merely "want to hold doors open and pay for dates without worries of chauvinism, even as they split the kitchen duties."

[roar]

While the Inquirer argues that this trend is putting "the man back into manhood," we have to confess it sounds like the same old crap in different clothing. Metrosexuals liked shopping and getting their hair done. And so do these dudes, regardless of them frequenting barber shops instead of Sally Hershberger and squeezing into smoking jackets instead of skinny jeans.

Anyway, guys: Women never wanted you to let doors slam in our faces or learn how to shoot guns -- or, for God's sake, to become Freemasons. Feminism is about equal pay in the workplace, and protection from domestic violence, and gender equality. Not about you not paying (or paying) for our dinners.

You can pay for our dinners whenever you like, as long as you take off that ridiculous hat and tone it down a notch with the Old Spice. And to show our appreciation, we'll go shopping with you whenever you like, sweetie-pie.


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