New York City, The World's #1 Land of Opportunity. Also: Costs Too Much, Stupider Than Paris.

New York City, The World's #1 Land of Opportunity. Also: Costs Too Much, Stupider Than Paris.

I mean, the title pretty much says it all. Like you didn't know this?

Via Animal New York, PricewaterhouseCoopers and the Partnership for New York City (conflict of interest, much?) have presented the world with a report about where New York ranks compared to the world's major metropolitan areas. Apparently, this one's scientific. Mostly, it goes like this:

We're number one as a place for business to flourish, as we took top spots in lifestyle assets and technology IQ, whatever that is. We know how to use computers? It's because everyone has a laptop, there's WiFi everywhere, and we have iPhones soldered to our faces.

We score high on "economic clout and intellectual capacity." We're all self-described geniuses, everyone has a blog or a book deal or a Twitter or a panel or speaking engagement to be at -- even your cab driver -- and our bankers have robbed the country of this money.

Forget Paris, or not. Yes: Paris is the only city to edge us out for intellectual capacity. But they still have less economic clout than us. All that time they spent thinking was time we used to crank out the cash. Suckers.

We're also really expensive. No shit? Right. But we were reminded when we dropped to 13th place for cost, down from 9th in last year's report.

Our transportation's decent, but not top-notch. We ranked fourth for public transportation, which all things considered, is more than fair, if not generous. On one hand, no, none of us need cars, we have three airports, and the trains can take us pretty much wherever we need. That said, all three of those airports are awful, the trains never work and the MTA has open contempt for its customer base, and there are never enough taxis.

Neither is our health, safety, or security. That's just because everyone else is a pussy.

So, essentially: we're a great place to make money if you're making a lot of money, but we still cost too much, we're incredibly smart but not smarter than Parisians (who're the only people who are more misanthropic than New Yorkers; also, don't have to account for Jets fans), our transportation's great but nothing to write home about if you actually live here, and we're bound to die sooner than everyone else.

Sounds about right.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]


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