Obama Retakes Oath, But... Questions Remain!
Barack Hussein Obama, not taking any chances with the people who killed JFK, made Chief Justice John Roberts re-administer the oath he flubbed on Tuesday. "This time we're going to do it very slowly," said Obama, covering with humor his deadly serious warning to Roberts, who pretended to be amused even as Obama gunmen held his wife and 23 children at gunpoint as insurance.
But wait -- it turns out no Bible was present when Obama retook the oath. "I'm not inclined to think this is a problem," fronts Wizbang but, unable to maintain such restraint, immediately asks, "Does anyone else? I'd like to know what you think about the fact that Obama didn't use a bible when he was re-sworn in," leaving his comments floor open to conspiracy theorizing ("I, like another commenter, would like to see that his real birth certificate has been forthcoming") and reverse spin ("If a Republican had butchered the oath, it would have been the only thing anybody talked about for a week." We thought Roberts was a Republican).
"Maybe it was the presence of the Bible that threw him off the first time," says Sweetness & Light (though, again, why would a Bible so affect Roberts?). "Don't worry, when you're the messiah you can skip these things," says MacsMind, adding, when he hears Obama says oath 2.0 is "binding anyway," "You wonder just how many other things will be 'binding anyway.' At least the media is catching up as to who caused the flub." Hm, 'media catching up'... oh, so that's what S&L and Wizbang were talking about: citizen journalism as the first draft of alternative history!
"Not in attendance was the Lincoln Bible -- or any Bible for that matter," says Citizens Against Pro-Obama Media Bias. "So is it a true oath?"
Atheists, on the other hand, were pleased: "It always seemed strange to me to swear on a book that is filled with lies," said Dwindling in Unbelief. "I'm glad Obama got it right the second time around (except for the 'So help me God' bullshit)."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.