Our Front Pages: Granny Mugger, Tiger Woods Slammed; War on Christmas Update
The guy who mugged a 101-year-old and other elderly victims has been sentenced to 75 years in prison. As he is 47, on even the most forgiving terms of parole, he can only get out when he is of an age to be thus victimized himself.
The humiliation of Tiger Woods proceeds with withering scorn from withering scorn expert Phil Mushnick. "Woods was long ago attached to a climate-controlled, rep-firm-at-work immaculate image," says Mushnick. His enablers moved mountains for him, or at least boulders. Evil PR firms kept his sexually ravenous nature a secret from America, and now we all pay the price. Not for the first time, James Thurber turns out to be prescient.
Mike Lupica doesn't want to hear all this privacy bullshit: "Here's how Tiger Woods ended up having his privacy invaded, and the privacy of his family: By acting like a constantly horny, single rock star." This suggests a new direction for the embattled golfer: he should start dressing like Slash from GnR, and stalk the greens with a posse of babes. It will boost ratings more than Arnie's Army ever did.
War on Christmas Update: amNY reveals that America is still divided: "67 percent of Republicans picked 'O Holy Night' as one of their favorite [Christmas songs], compared with 58 percent of independents and 50 percent of Democrats." The Democrats preferred Oscar the Grouch's "I Hate Christmas."
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