Paul Ryan Really Likes Rage Against the Machine (By Accident)

No, pigs are not flying - this story is just too ironically hilarious to not report on.

Ever hear of Rage Against the Machine? We're sure you have: the band formed in the late 1980s and grew to fame throughout the Clinton years, as a response to Generation X's tendency to corporatize and globalize seemingly anything that moved. Headed by the vibrant frontman Zach de la Rocha, with legendary guitarist Tom Morello shredding in the background, the group captured that post-modern hatred towards authority present in the youth of America, showing flares of anarchy, socialism and mass upheaval. Although they are on a somewhat permanent hiatus, the group has lent its power in recent years to come out against the RNC, the Middle East wars and the Obama administration.

And Rep. Paul Ryan, the possible President of the U.S.A., loves 'em. He has told the media over and over again that he just loves their music. The lyrics? Well, we guess he either doesn't really pay attention or has no idea who Che Guevara is. It's damn good music for P90X workouts, too.

Now, if you know Rage and what they stand for, you will realize how absurd this is - a guy with oil ties, a worth somewhere around $3 million and a budget that would put the One Percent on a higher pedestal than ever is not exactly the demographic de la Rocha was telling to rise up. But, nonetheless, Ryan can't get enough. And, what's even worse, they absolutely hate him. Well, at least Tom Morello does.

In what could be considered a 'takedown' piece, but in the nicest way possible, Morello wrote an editorial about their biggest fan in Rolling Stone three days ago. Imagine a member of your favorite band wrote a piece in a major magazine, telling you to never listen to their music again because you represent everything the band absolutely fucking hates. Well, take that emotion and multiply it by 100. Viola... you have Rage Against the Machine in its purest form.

Here's a snippet to get a sense of what we're working with:

Paul Ryan's love of Rage Against the Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades. Charles Manson loved the Beatles but didn't understand them. Governor Chris Christie loves Bruce Springsteen but doesn't understand him. And Paul Ryan is clueless about his favorite band, Rage Against the Machine.

Ryan claims that he likes Rage's sound, but not the lyrics. Well, I don't care for Paul Ryan's sound or his lyrics. He can like whatever bands he wants, but his guiding vision of shifting revenue more radically to the one percent is antithetical to the message of Rage.

I wonder what Ryan's favorite Rage song is? Is it the one where we condemn the genocide of Native Americans? The one lambasting American imperialism? Our cover of "Fuck the Police"? Or is it the one where we call on the people to seize the means of production? So many excellent choices to jam out to at Young Republican meetings!

It's alright, Paul; the members of Rage are just really angry with your policies, not you as a person! They don't hate you, in particular, just everything you stand for. So, now, you have two options:

1. You could continue to listen to Rage and just say "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."

2. Or just burn everything you own by them. Because, as you said, you only really like their music.


Sponsor Content


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >