Pirate Sad in Jail, Which Makes Tabs Want to Punish Him More

The teenage Somali pirate wept in court yesterday as he was arraigned for the Maersk Alabama case. As he is five foot two and emaciated, he presented a pathetic spectacle, which did not prevent Andrea Peyser from judging him harshly: While admitting Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse "looked more like an urchin seeking adoption by Madonna than a swashbuckling Somali pirate" -- the latter presumably resembling Errol Flynn after two months at Auschwitz -- Peyser recalled that Muse "laughed like a ninny" before "sobbing and sniffling like a little girl," signifying to Peyser that it was all an act encouraged by his "taxpayer-paid lawyer" to get him off so he could go out and pirate your grandmother.

We don't know why Muse would want that, as the consensus is that he is happy to be in a nice warm jail. A Post cartoon by Sean Delonas (pictured) shows starving Africans envious of Muse's incarceration, and one in the Daily News shows him tickled to be headed toward the "cot" and "flush toilet" of prison. See, these primitive people are simultaneously crafty and unworldly, and our strictures they do not perceive as punishment. We may have to waterboard him to preserve our moral balance.


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