Prop Comic Gallagher Laments America's Moral Decline

Move over, Dennis Miller -- today's conservative comic of conscience is Gallagher, the guy who smashes watermelons onstage. In an interview with The Onion's A.V. Club, he informs us that "people don't know how to behave in public anymore. Parents are trying to be friends with their kids rather than draw the line and tell them what proper public behavior would be," etc. Also, "President Clinton ruined oral sex," because this is "now an acceptable activity for a virgin."

Also on Gallagher's shitlist: people waving balloons at basketball games, "immature, drunken behavior" at his own highly sophisticated shows, and a demented justice system that will not allow cops to arrest prospective public urinators "until you see the 'brown round.'" He calls the decline of prop comedy "a reflection on our society. It's so thin, it's a veneer, it's not deep, it doesn't have a moral direction."

Because of his outspoken defense of the truth, Gallagher says, "Of course, I've been excluded from a lot of show business in America."

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