Psychic Staten Island Monkey Picks Newt Gingrich to Win New Hampshire Primary
Drum roll, please. Grandpa, the so-called psychic monkey of the Staten Island Zoo, has chosen his pick to win the New Hampshire Republican primary and it is...Newt Gingrich. Regardless of Grandpa's psychic choice, Newt is not doing so well in the polls, which even the zoo's curator, Peter Laline, has acknowledged -- though he seems loathe to admit that Grandpa might not have verifiable psychic talents: Via the Daily News, "Perhaps Grandpa has other plans we're not aware of. Maybe Grandpa started vetting the vice presidential candidates early," Laline said.
For the record, Mitt Romney is polling at 41 percent, followed by Ron Paul (17 percent), Jon Huntsman (11 percent), Rick Santorum (11 percent), and, finally, Newt (8 percent).
As for how the psychic picking of the supposed primary winner went down, Grandpa was faced with six bananas in hay, each named for one of the GOP candidates. Apparently, Grandpa made an immediate lunge for the Gingrich banana, then also grabbed the Huntsman banana in his other hand. He ate Gingrich, then grabbed and ate the Rick Santorum banana, and then finally ate Huntsman.
The Romney and Ron Paul bananas -- one and two in the polls, respectively -- were devoured by "a female companion."
Politics is nuts. And we're hungry.
Go to Runnin' Scared for all our latest news coverage.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.