Rightbloggers Angry Iowa is Making Them Get Gay-Married

Gay people are supposed to know about show tunes, so they'll understand when we say: There's nothing halfway about the Iowa way to treat you. The Iowa Supreme Court has unanimously said a ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. New York and California have not done so much for the cause of marriage equality.

Let's see how rightbloggers are celebrating -- ooh, they're all gathered in a corner, somberly nursing their drinks.

"One might think Iowa's leadership would let voters decide the issue at the polls," sniffs American Power; adds, "Gird your loins, conservatives!" -- whether for battle or because he's afraid they'll get gay erections, we can't say. "Iowa Court Imposes Same-Sex Marriage," cries The Weekly Standard, which could alarm a lot of people who think that means they'll be forced to get gay-married. (Actually, from their enragement, it seems maybe that's what the Standard thinks.)

Robert Stacy McCain grouses about "an elite that is about to impose its will on the reluctant masses... Notice how the rainbow armband accentuates their brown shirts. Splendid!" The reason they're Nazis, says McCain, is that people used to think being gay is sick -- and if Robert Stacy McCain has anything to say about it, they will again! -- and surely Iowa's founding fathers never "intended to make sodomy... a 'right' of a citizen." He's especially mad at libertarians who, for reasons he can't fathom, support gay marriage: "This entire way of thinking is contrary to the Anglo-American tradition that Hayek praised... The captives in the gulag did not spend their time arguing about gay rights, eh?" Finally, having exhausted his intellectual armament, he quotes Revelations and raves about "infamous anti-Christ, whose name is the mystery number '666.'" The man makes a powerful argument -- for involuntary commitment.

"Lawless judicial attack on traditional marriage and on representative government," wails National Review's Ed Whelan, and copies out the names of the "judicial knaves who proudly regard themselves as trailblazers... in carrying out this latest assault on the powers of citizens are Iowa," probably while making a finger-gun with his free hand and going pew pew.

Since they can't hit the homos and judges they're mad at, they lash at the press. "'Iowa Gives Gay Marriage a Thumbs Up,' trumpets the front page teaser headline on ABCNews.com," says NewsBusters -- and that's blatant disinformation, because it was the Iowa Supreme Court, "not the people via their legislature or direct referendum, that opened the door to same-sex marriage..." Noted -- and we'll agree not to hold NewsBusters against whatever state they're from.

The traditional rightwing press releasers are on the warpath, of course, and Republican Iowa Congressman Steve King is terrified that the Hawkeye State will become a "gay marriage Mecca," thus replacing ethanol as their leading industry. He also calls on the judges to resign so's he and his buddies can appoint he-men in their place.

They're kinda cute when they're mad, aren't they? But not in a gay way. Oh hell, maybe that way too.

Update: You may also enjoy Joe My God's roundup of reactions from the manlies of Free Republic. Sample: "The queers and the unemployed are running the country." More champagne, anyone?

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