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Rightbloggers Denounce Rick Santorum's War on Porn -- As a Liberal Conspiracy

Obama's coming up for reelection, and gas prices and unemployment are high. So why do rightbloggers concentrate instead on cultural issues like abortion, contraception and Rush Limbaugh's opinion of Sandra Fluke?

Some think it's because they're bunch of misogynists*. We think it's because they hate to lose arguments. When their heroes say something crazy, they're compelled to defend them, even when they know it's ridiculous. Can't let those libtards have the last word!

But last week many of the brethren found some gumption and opposed Rick Santorum's war on porn. This would be admirable -- had they not decided that Santorum was wrong because, by trying to stamp out porn, he had turned into a liberal.

Journalists at Forbes and elsewhere found a section on the Santorum campaign website called "Enforcing Laws Against Illegal Pornography," in which the GOP Presidential contender promised to strictly apply federal laws against porn "on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops and through the mail or by common carrier..."

Santorum also said that President Obama has "turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws. While the Obama Department of Justice seems to favor pornographers over children and families, that will change under a Santorum Administration."

Santorum had a chance to backpedal on the porn crusade on the Sunday morning talk shows, but he doubled down instead ("[The Democrats] are exposing children to a tremendous amount of harm").

"Internet pornography could conceivably become a thing of the past if Rick Santorum is elected president," reported the conservative DC Caller. "...the government could also prosecute individual citizens who view porn, and already has the legal authority to do it."

In fairness, we must say that many rightbloggers didn't approve of Santorum's porn crackdown -- but not for the reason you might expect: They opposed it because cracking down on porn is, in their view, the liberal position.

Yeah, that seems weird to us, too. Liberals are notoriously pro-porn; why, just last week in the comments section to this column, we were repeatedly harangued by a troll yelling about liberals and their filthy porn.

Indeed, rightbloggers are forever attacking liberals with stories like "LIBERALS: ACLU Wants Porn in Prisons" and "Put sex in any vile cultural product and liberals applaud," and putting out books like Porn Generation: How Social Liberalism is Corrupting Our Future.

Also, Obama has in fact called off the DOJ's porn hounds, probably in order to weaken the nation's moral fiber in preparation for a Muslim takeover. Republicans, on the other hand, sometimes require their own candidates (at both the local and national level) to sign anti-porn pledges. And when they want to sink a Democratic jobs bill, they just stick an anti-porn clause to it, as they know Democrats are no more likely to support it than a vampire is likely to kiss a crucifix.

But when Santorum took an anti-porn position that, research suggests, would not go over well among red-state males, rightbloggers suddenly decided Big Government could take away their porn when they pried it from their warm, sticky fingers.

"Statements like [Santorum's] latest show that he believes the government's role is to legislate morality and control choice," said Roaring Republican. "This is no different than what the left has been up to for the last century."

"Progressives are always out to make the world how they think it should be through the force of law and with the government's gun pointed at the citizen," explained Patriot Perspective. "Progressives brought us Prohibition, moral equivalents of war, and now Santorum shows his Progressive side again."

"The Latest Proof Rick Santorum Is No Conservative," announced Joshuapundit. "Regardless of how you feel about pornography, keep in mind that this is exactly how the Left behaves..stretching laws and engaging in selective prosecution in order to impose its morality on the general public." "Could Santorum One Up Obama and Impose More Regulations?" asked Aware and Prepare.

"The Ugly Truth About Mr. Santorum's Liberal Streak," wrote J.J. Jackson. "Now yes, I will concede that compared to President Obama, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul he certainly can seem very much so. But Mr. Santorum is hardly a real conservative."

Wow -- Santorum's more conservative than all the other Republican Presidential candidates, but still not a real conservative? This guy's hardcore! Jackson made his case mainly by assertion ("Rick Santorum, the socially liberal Rick Santorum I remind you") and sartorial metaphor ("Like it or not Mr. Santorum, the shoe of liberalism fits you like a glove. While the shoe of conservatism? Well, not so much." More his style: The kid gloves of authoritarianism!).

Jackson also informed us that Santorum "chastises the Obama Administration for, get this, not being liberal enough and acting far enough beyond the bounds of the Constitution to prohibit the 'scourge of pornography.'" We missed the part of Santorum's website where he accused Obama of not being liberal enough; maybe it's in the Director's Cut.

Randroid site The Objective Standard compared Santorum to the hated Jane Fonda. "Fonda wants to use the power of the federal government to shut down Rush Limbaugh's radio broadcasts," they wrote. "Santorum wants to use the same power to shut down internet pornography. Both Fonda and Santorum are enemies of freedom of speech."

The lesson is clear: Indulge Santorum in this liberal anti-porn crusade, and he may go completely left-wing and invade Iran.

 

Other rightbloggers recognized that Santorum and liberals were not, in fact, in cahoots, and defended him on this basis. But they weren't defending his anti-porn crusade so much as his right to have one without anyone hearing about it: They claimed that by using Santorum's own words against him, liberals were being sneaky and unfair.

"Why is this suddenly coming up now?" complained Allahpundit at Hot Air. "Did the media simply notice a longstanding statement on Santorum's website about porn or is he actively circulating it, presumably to counter the meme that he's anti-woman?"

Robert Stacy McCain claimed the story was old news ("THAT STATEMENT HAS BEEN ON SANTORUM'S WEB SITE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS, PERHAPS FOR MONTHS," he yelled), and anyway Gingrich and Romney had also said crazy things about porn (which, if liberals had revealed them, would doubtless also be no fair to talk about). "Why this cheap political 'gotcha' hit-job deserved headline treatment at the Drudge Report, I don't know," sighed McCain. "But for intelligent people who call themselves 'conservative' to fall for such a dishonest media stunt as this is ridiculous."

"It's aimed at the credulous folk (of left, center, and right) who, through prejudice and/or ignorance, buy the media caricatures of social conservatives and fear (or pretend to fear) what a President Santorum might do," explained Pundit & Pundette.

"CNN Hypes Santorum's 'War on Pornography,'" complained NewsBusters. "Santorum has not made the issue the centerpiece of his campaign," they insisted, and besides, the "'Enforcing Laws Against Illegal Pornography' appears at the very bottom of Santorum's 'Issues' page of his website..." And he didn't use a very eye-catching font, either!

A few of the brethren actually defended Santorum outright. "The truth is, many on the putative 'right' fear religion -- and they'd rather take a Romney mandate in the ass than feel scolded for liking to beat off to Japanese anime by a guy who actually believes in all that Jesusy shit," gibbered Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom. "And they've made it clear that, where their 'conservativism is concerned, they're more comfortable backing [Romney]... than they are being tut-tutted about their own kink... The problem is that many 'conservatives' fear Rick Santorum actually means it."

"We are not going to solve the myriad of problems we face as a nation -- economic, social, political, etc. -- until we get our moral house in order," said The Bay State Conservative News & Opinion Journal. "Believe it or not, God is trying to sending America a message. And, if we don't listen, we may end up like ancient Babylon... in ruins."

We salute these cowboys for their old-school approach. But we can see why so few of their comrades joined them in it: They sound kind of crazy, whereas the rightbloggers who oppose Santorum because he's a liberal... well, they sound crazy too, but in a fresh and interesting way.

Look, Mitt Romney is cruising to the nomination, and the whole campaign will be about convincing voters that as President he will not fire them and, once they have starved to death, use their desiccated husks as insulation for the mansions of the 1%. They've got to find some way to keep their imaginations alive.

(* We realize that one reason rightbloggers might find it easy to denounce abortion, contraception, and Sandra Fluke, but difficult to denounce porn, is that abortion and contraception mostly affect women and porn mostly affects men. But it's our way to look for more charitable explanations of our subjects' behavior than rank sexism, racism, etc. This gig gets too depressing otherwise.)


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