Semen in Water Bottle Leads to Strange Detective Work, Assault and Battery Conviction

Warning: this is gross and sexually charged. A Los Angeles man -- a seemingly pretty normal guy, really, with a wife and everything -- has been found guilty of ejaculating into a co-worker's water bottle. Michael Lallana, 32, was convicted of assault and battery, with jurors finding true "the allegation that he did it for sexual gratification," according to a local CBS affiliate. As we detailed originally, and horrifyingly, the unidentified victim was abused two different times, brushing it off the first time, but pursuing DNA testing and legal action the second time she tasted semen in her water. But the CBS report includes an odd detail not previously reported.

Both Lallana and his "attractive" co-worker were transferred to a new company office sometime after the first incident, and last April 6, the second time she knew her drink had been contaminated, she went to work to figure out who the pervert was. But, um:

Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee to put his semen in a water bottle to see if that's what she had tasted at work.

"At the time, I had no idea how else to figure out what this was," she testified.

The experiment wasn't all for naught, thankfully, and there's one less pervert in America's offices. But why, oh, why did this ever happen to anyone?

"It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone," Lallana said in the interview with Orange Police Department detectives in explaining why he ejaculated into the woman's water bottle twice last year.

Someone got hurt. And that marriage? It's probably over.

Man Found Guilty In Semen Assault Case [CBS via Drudge]

[jcoscarelli@villagevoice.com / @joecoscarelli]


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