Sex Nerds

I was a total nerd in high school. Maybe you can't tell by looking at me now, or maybe you've known all along. Yup, a straight-A honor student, the pet of many teachers, editor of the yearbook, all with an awkward fashion sense and the dreaded glasses. They weren't black-rimmed or Coke-bottle thick, and I never wore a pocket protector or belonged to any Star Trek role-playing club, but my IQ and my suburban high school caste system nonetheless rendered me a nerd. Let's face it, in high school, nerds are not sexy.

As an adult, I have attempted to reclaim my nerd identity, make it my own, refashion it, and flaunt it. People who've seen my anal sex videos tell me, "You look like the bookish girl next door, but you fuck like the chick from the wrong side of town!" I'm glad that people appreciate me as a smarty-pants, even when my pants are off. It's time for more nerdy sex kittens to strut their stuff on- and offscreen. I want people to see all the geeky girls (and boys, for that matter) in a new light. I want everyone to know that teenage geniuses into biology become scientists who discover things like Viagra. That shy boys cut from the football team grow up to be porn stars. That girls who favored Shakespeare and drama club over Seventeen magazine and cheerleading can spin a hot erotic role-play scene that will knock your socks off. And that's very sexy.

I've got some sisters for the cause doing a damn fine job representing nerd girls. For example, NakkidNerds ( is a Web site dedicated to sexy nerds, describing them as "smarter than your average porn stars." Chloei, the mistressmind behind the site, says, "I wanted to capture the girl you see in the back of the class sitting there reading her book, not paying attention to anybody." The models are all self-proclaimed nerds, with Chloei vouching for them (there is no accompanying Mensa documentation). Their goal is to offer both their mams and their minds, but I'm still hoping to log on one day to find a link below some cutie's shot to her genetics dissertation. What is it about nerds that some of us find so sexy? Their intelligence, of course, but it's more than that. I like the contradiction: Geeks are not supposed to be wild in the sack. I'll take someone with a well-developed brain over a muscled body any day. If you think it, I will come.

I was in sex nerd heaven several weeks ago when I attended the 2002 Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality Western Region Conference in Manhattan Beach, California ( The Society (called Quad S for short, is made up of doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, sexologists, sex educators, researchers, and other academics dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge about all things sexual. They're folks who put their brainiac ways to good use so we know more about human sexual functioning, have a better understanding of erotic desires, and see the shifting paradigms of sex throughout history. Fuck, so we can get laid better and more often! These are the teenage nerds all grown up (sure, some still have bad fashion sense and awkward social skills), and they're on an erotic education mission. Look past their buttoned-up images, and they're in the laboratory "observing" female Japanese macaques (a kind of primate) having sex with other female Japanese macaques. Hello! Can anyone say girl-girl action? They are "measuring" rapid ejaculation patterns in men who orgasm quickly. Or they are "researching" women who sell their panties on the Web. Imagine if Bill Gates's passion in life weren't computer software, but countertransference, and he gave a talk entitled " 'I Have to Suck His Balls to Calm Him Down': Countertransference Disclosure vs. Countertransference Interpretation." Are you with me?

You may think that going to a sexology conference couldn't possibly be as stimulating as hanging at a strip joint or watching an s/m performance, but it absolutely can. Each fascinating study I heard about conjured up another study I wish I had the funds to support. Dr. Anne Lawrence, both an M.D. and a Ph.D. (but whose real double-threat is her great style and nice legs), reviewed her research on "Satisfaction and Regret Following Male-to-Female Sex Reassignment Surgery," and found that the happiness of MTFs depended a lot on the success of their surgeries. Since female-to-male transsexuals have fewer surgical options than their trannie girl counterparts, I wonder what a similar study of FTMs would yield. Carol Cassell discussed the ways in which teenage girls learn about sex and their sexual role models in the media (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Britney Spears, and Brandy). In her talk about doing therapy with polyamorous clients, Joy Davidson noted that there is very little research or literature about polyamorous people, which means that psychologists often have no understanding of non-monogamous lifestyles beyond swingers (and, by the way, there isn't a heck of a lot of research on swingers, who aren't simply spouse swappers, but negotiators of just one kind of open relationship). And I still want a comprehensive study of women who ejaculate. All the studies are inherently political because they seek information about fields of which there is far too little knowledge, especially female sexuality and sexual minorities.

Don't forget, there was also the sexy-nerd star factor, with so many of the leading people in their fields all in one place like Eli Coleman spilling behind-the-scenes secrets from the Surgeon General's Report on Sexual Health; sociologist Judith Stacey fresh from her appearance on the gay parenting Prime Time episode with Rosie O'Donnell; and Beverly Whipple, incoming president of the World Association for Sexology and co-author of the groundbreaking book The G Spot. Nerd hotties with advanced degrees and sex on their brains everywhere I looked! Imagine the bragging rights I'd have if I could say I went to a sex conference and found Beverly Whipple's G-spot? I didn't, unfortunately, but there's always next year.

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