Snooki's Novel Is Out Tomorrow. It Is Everything We Ever Dreamed of.
Just days after her New Year's Eve ball drop in Seaside Heights and the launch of her very own limited edition $49 pendant, Snooki is in the news again, this time with the release of her highly anticipated debut novel, A Shore Thing, out tomorrow! The New York Post has a preview of some of the literary gems within its 304 pages! This stuff reads like brilliant farce, or maybe that's just the most emotionally healthy way to think about it. For instance:
"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."
"Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."
"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."
There is also apparently a scene in which our young Jersey Shore heroine "shakes her peaches for show," and then farts, stinkily. Meanwhile, the Amazon review entices with the following:
New Jersey Devils vs. Tampa Bay Lightning
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 7:00pm
New York Knicks vs. Memphis Grizzlies
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 7:30pm
New York Rangers vs. Tampa Bay Lightning
TicketsSun., Oct. 30, 7:00pm
St. John's Red Storm Men's Basketball vs. Baruch College Bearcats Men's Basketball
TicketsMon., Oct. 31, 7:00pm
"So far, Gia's summer is on fire. Between nearly burning down their rented bungalow, inventing the popular "tan-tags" at the Tantastic Salon where she works, and rescuing a shark on the beach, she becomes a local celebrity overnight. Luckily, she meets the perfect guy to help her keep the flames under control. Firefighter Frank Rossi is exactly her type: big, tan, and Italian. But is he tough enough to handle Gia when things really heat up?"
Um, get your own copy, stat.
[via New York Post]
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