Terrorists Want to Ruin Your Summer Vacation With Body Bombs
That bikini trick may not work this time.
As if you didn't have enough to worry about in life, your TSA pat-downs are about to get even more intimate after new intelligence has revealed that terrorists once again want to put bombs in their own bodies so as to ruin all of our fun this summer. Assholes. Thus, you may expect closer pat-downs, stricter security, more annoying lines, and all the related sturm und drang -- suntan lotion should not be over 3.4 ounces! -- as you await travel away from the tri-state area. There's no specific plot, but, via NBC New York, you must expect the unexpected.
"These measures are designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same activity at every international airport," the TSA said. "Measures may include interaction with passengers, in addition to the use of other screening methods such as pat-downs and the use of enhanced tools and technologies."
We're used to expecting the unexpected, of course, but one has to wonder precisely how intensive (and unexpected) a pat-down must be to detect a bomb inside one's body. Also, we hear that surgically implanted bomb scars can detract from the bikini-readiest of bikini bodies. But that's another sort of terror altogether, isn't it?
If you see something, say something.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Village Voice's biggest stories.
- NYU Student Employees Say the University Hasn't Paid Them in Months
- Here Are the Early Frontrunners for Worst Halloween Costumes for Sale in New York
- Why Was All That Weed Seized in Queens Appraised at a Third of its Street Value?