The Bible No Longer Has Booty

Well, my good Christian friends, the Bible just got a little bit less interesting. That's because some people could not control themselves and burst into hysterical laughter every time the minister said "booty." So, no more booty for you. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops met and decided to replace all booty-calls with the phrase "spoils of war." In the 17 years it took "50 scholars and translators, linguistics experts, theologians and five bishops" to do this, they made some other changes, too.

• "Holocaust" has been replaced with "burnt offering." • The 1970s version of the 23rd Psalm -- "even when I walk through a dark valley" -- has been changed to the Gangsta's Paradise-friendly "walk though the valley of the shadow of death." • For the foodies: "Cereal" has been changed to "grain," and "fine flour" to "bran flour." • A man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked is blessed, not "happy." (Duh.) • "The Ideal Wife" is now referred to as "the Woman of Worth."

Progress!

These changes will all appear in the beautiful sherbet-orange New American Bible, available on March 9, which is Ash Wednesday, still known as Ash Wednesday.

But whatever the Bible says, booty is forever synonymous with this:

'Booty' Kicked Out of Bible [Pat's Papers]


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