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The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]

It's really hard to figure out the moral universe in which the New York Post resides. Homeless children living in dangerous, vermin-ridden, sexual assault-plagued shelters? No big deal. Woman reports being raped? Meh, she probably made that up. But halt the presses, call out the National Guard, break out the desk liquor and huff into your paper bags, everybody, because some high school students have a Facebook page.

That's the gist of this masterful piece of reporting, which apparently took no less than three of the Post's crack team. Titled, "'Mean Girls' meets 'Gossip Girl' in vicious school Facebook page," it's about, as the authors put it, "the students' dark secret," a page in which two anonymous moderators put up confessions sent in by the students of Forest Hills High School in Queens.

And it's bad. Real bad. Some of these kids are having S-E-X.

The Post reports that parents discovered the "gossip fest" on Wednesday, when one student posted a disturbing-sounding confession: "Tomorrow don't come to school because something big is going to happen." A follow-up read, "Seriously don't come to school, unless you want to be in the news."

The parents rightfully took that seriously and called the cops, who the Post reports found nothing suspicious at the school. But the parents, upon delving further into the page, found a whole laundry list of horrors, the paper adds:

[P]arents were almost as disturbed by the Web page itself -- which reads like a real-life "Burn Book" from the movie "Mean Girls."

"Honestly, fat girls need to stop wearing crop tops because i dont want to see any muffin tops or rolls," one teen griped.

"More than 4,100 anonymous posts have gone up in just two months, singling out girls who have "the fattest a- ever," which kids are having sex and even thoughts of suicide," the paper hyperventilated. Because fat asses, having sex, and suicidal thoughts are all roughly the same on the freakout scale.

It took us a lengthy five seconds to find the top-secret Facebook page in question. Here you go. (Sorry to blow up your spot, Forest Hills kids.) It's run by a moderator who calls him/herself AA11, and another who goes by M.O.T. Let's delve into this dark trove of horrors together, shall we?

The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]
The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]
The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]
The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]
The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]

Truly chilling stuff.

Granted, a couple of these are less benign; there's some homophobia, the "don't come to school" one above, and another by a student who wrote, "I wanna jump in front of a car like I almost did that one time. Woo. Yeah, fuck my sanity I'm so done right now."

Nobody on the page really responded to that confession, and they should have. Same thing with an earlier posting in which someone made reference to cutting themselves. So, Forest Hills High School students, let's talk for a second. (You can trust us. We're barely functional adults.) First of all, your parents and a garbage tabloid are reading your confessions page. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

But secondly, and more importantly: don't shoot up your damn school. Don't intentionally try to scare people by making threats. That's a real jerk thing to do and you'll probably be reincarnated as a cockroach. If anyone posts threatening stuff on that page, or anywhere else that the lame adults don't know about yet, tell a teacher, the principal, or a parent. Take that stuff seriously. And if anyone posts something that sounds suicidal or self-harming, take that seriously too. Even if they're just trying to get attention, there's nothing wrong with giving it to them. At the very least, encourage them to call a suicide hotline, which is anonymous and will give them someone to work out their feelings with. Here's a page of resources if you're feeling depressed or suicidal. In New York City, you can call (212) 532-2400, and someone will pick up the phone 24/7.

Are we good? One more thing. Whoever posted this gets A's for life. Excellent work.

The New York Post Is Freaking Out About This "Vicious" High School Confessions Facebook Page [Updated]

Update, 4 p.m.: Sometime this afternoon -- like, after school got out, maybe? -- the page was either deleted or the privacy settings were changed to make it a secret group.

Just remember what we talked about, Forest Hills kids.


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