The Post's Most Charming Doorman Makes Your Boyfriend Look Like a Real Schlub
Shockingly, this man did not win.
You have to love the New York Post for extra-special treats like this: They've dug around and found New York's most charming doorman. And he is charming, indeed -- charming enough to be constantly pelted with Louis Vuitton wallets and other "expensive shit" from his lady clientele. He's so charming it seems that the Post has a big, fat crush of their own. Do you guys date or something?
While the methodology for selecting Miguel Enriquez as the city's most charming doorman remains unclear -- Did they canvass Upper East Side doorman buildings? Take a poll? Invite self-nominations? Meet him in a bar? -- it's clear that the 31-year-old Enriquez is really fucking charming. He's so charming that your boyfriend/husband probably hates his guts. But that's okay, Enriquez is all about luv.
For more than a decade, he's been murmuring sweet nothings and positive affirmations into the ears of Manhattan women. From early in the morning when they head through his door to tackle the city, till late at night when they return home tired, he makes them feel beautiful, confident and cared for.
What, no foot massages?
Other things that make him charming:
• He knows the truth about single ladies in New York:
"There are a lot of lonely women [here]," he says.
• He uses acronyms, just like The Situation! Except, instead of GTL, Enriquez works on the principle of OCR: "Observe, Compliment, and Remember." He notices when women get their hair cut, and knows the name of "every tenant, dog, and cat that comes through the door." Really, even the cats? • He's been around the block a few times. Enriquez is "seasoned with the ladies," with a marriage and a divorce as well as multiple girlfriends -- even some at the same time! -- under his belt. Ladies like that, we guess. • He can hang with your psycho-babblel!
"At 19, I was getting hit on, but as I got older, I got more mature, and even more tenants liked me a lot. I guess that's what made me sexy, because they've seen me [grow] from the 19-year-old . . . to becoming a man," he says.
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• He keeps his physique toned for your pleasure with nightly workouts at an Upper East Side gym. • Other ladies love him, too! One even harassed him with Starbucks daily, along with homemade chicken with rice and beans. You wouldn't do that, would you? • He is a doorman...which means he can't date you (against the rules) and therefore, inevitably disappoint you, make you cry, and turn your love into a viper pit of hate and resentment.
But! He will give your loser boyfriend tips. Like these. Note the subtext, which, like Enriquez himself, is positively rife with the possibility of a final ceremony rose.
1. Be overprotective. In Enriquez's West Side building, he would often see young, intoxicated women bringing home shady men during his overnight shift: "They'll just come home with a weird guy, and he'll say, 'Let's go up,' and she's like, 'Oh, I don't know.'" That's when Enriquez would step in. "I'll be like, 'Yo, yo, what's up? What's going on?'" He'll call the roommate "who'll come down and tell the guy to get lost."
2. Don't be shallow. "Beauty has nothing to do with it," he says. "Beauty is mostly who they are on the inside. Personality is what makes someone beautiful."
3. When all else fails, buy your woman lingerie. Enriquez says the most romantic thing he's ever done for a girlfriend is buy her a slip from Victoria's Secret. He presented it to her on a rose-petal-strewn bed (natch!).
Guys, Enriquez is currently holding
doors court at 91st and Park if you have questions. As for us, we don't have a doorman, but we have a nom for Most Charming Delivery Guy. He had us at "Lady, here's your food."
[via New York Post]
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