The Top Three Worst Ways to Spend July 4th Weekend, via Craigslist Postings

The Top Three Worst Ways to Spend July 4th Weekend, via Craigslist Postings

Fourth of July weekend plans? We've done some dirty work and uncovered the top three things you don't want to do via Craigslist, since the people-driven site never fails to advertise some of the worst/strangest/most entertaining/life-sucking gigs on the planet. Such a democratic forum reveals people's true colors -- and sometimes, it's just not pretty.

The #3 thing you do not want to do this weekend ...

Need to hire a Spoof Stripper for pratial joke (Harlem / Morningside)

My cousins found out about their surprise Bacholerette/Bacholer party for tonight July 2nd 2010. Need to pull a prank on the couple. Im looking for a Small person, an Old person or a really Large WOMAN who doesnt mind doing a strip tease for a small crowd. we just need u for 1 hour. for 30$ dollars. hit me for details ASAP U MUST BE AVAILABLE TONIGHT, FROM 8PM-9PM SHARP

The poster writes "small person" as though that will make the listing politically correct. This is the least funny practical joke ever, and they can't even spell the word 'practical'! First of all, the object of the joke, the bachelor, will never find this more entertaining than a hot stripper, and second, it's so messed up to hire someone you agree is a "small person, old person, or a really large woman" to give up any scraps of dignity or pride they might or might not have for 30 bucks! I don't know which is a worse weekend plan, being the stripper or watching this all go down.


Stunned! - m4w - 36 (Mt. Kisco)

Ok so I literally just sat and watched my wife drop our kids off at a friends house then go meet a friend of mine and go at it for over an hour in our house. I don't know whether I should laugh, do the same, or kill everyone within a 30 mile radius (kidding on that one). Anyone want to listen to me vent?

Aw, sorry to hear that. Craigslist is a good place to seek free therapy -- perhaps even posting this is a release of emotion, but this sounds like the last thing anyone you don't already know should do right now. Let's all, um, stick to our own fireworks.

And #1...

'Burlesque Artiste'

'Be Certain To Read This Completely Before Replying'. Burlesque Artiste Wanted For This 3rd And 4th Of July. To Perform As A Spiritualist's Medium At A Seance Of The Nation's Founding Fathers. You Are Basically Acting As The Medium To Facilitate Communicating With The Nation's Founders On The Eve Of The 4th. To Begin At 9:00p-ish On The 3rd And Continue 'Til +2a Of The 4th. Stage Prescence Required, But No Speaking Or Ad Libbing Necessary. As You Need Only Whisper To The Spiritualist, Indicating What You Suppose You Have Heard Or Thought....Some Background As Magician's Assistant, Fortune Teller, Tarot Reader Or Other Would Be Preferred....

A burlesque-dancing medium to our founding fathers ... well, it's creative, if ridiculous, and patriotic. I wonder what Abe and George would think if they knew about this. I guess whatever talented(ish) woman who responds to this post is about to find out. Spooooky.

Have a great Fourth of July, everyone. Hope you find things to do that don't involve taking off your clothes (unless you want to), dealing with other peoples' cheating spouses (or your own), or being demeaned by drunk, nasty, fist-pumping bachelors. Happy Birthday, America, and cheers to the ridiculousness that springs from the democracy of self-publishing websites. Let freedom reign!


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