The Village Voice Institute of Crazy White American Folk (Letters to the Editor)
Hear now, boy: This week's Village Voice's cover story by staff writer Steven Thrasher, an essay entitled White America Has Lost Its Mind, sure has attracted some interesting attention! Whether or not readers agree with what we have to say, we often get letters from them regarding our stories, many of which are exciting, substantial, or, at the very least, rational, nuanced, and psychologically stable. These letters are none of those things.
Patient #1: Tim Timmermans of Manassas, VA.
From: Tim Timmermans [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Wed 9/29/2010 5:25 PM
To: Thrasher, Steven
Subject: your article
Is a temper tantrum. You and your party are about a month away from getting the ass kicking your father should have given you had he been interested enough in his kids to have been around. [...] Here's a suggestion. Get out of NYC for a week or two, and see the real America. We don't hate you because you're black or gay. We hate you because you are a racist, self loathing pile of crap who believes everyone is against them when in reality we just don't care about you. BTW, your father is a great man as much as Obama is a great president. Just because you think it doesn't mean it's true.
Timothy J. Timmermans
Ph. (703) 369-xxxx
Fx. (703) 369-xxxx
Diagnosis: Patient exhibits classic signs of rotting mid-cortex and inability to process concepts of irony, intentional hyperbole. Patient is also exhibiting widely documented delusion phenomenon of doctor/patient transference and confusion of roles, prescribing attending clinician trip to imaginary land where New York City and the rest of America are sovereign nation-states at war.
Recommended treatment: 1,000 milligrams of Popeye's Spicy Chicken, three times a day, with biscuits, and week of in-patient treatment spent caddying for Fuzzy Zoeller.
Patient #2: "firstname.lastname@example.org."
From: email@example.com [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2010 7:08 PM
To: Thrasher, Steven
You racist fuck. Like to use the term white boy a lot huh? Well how about this black boy.... go fuck yourself. Regarding your recent article... sounds like you're the one all gunched up with fear. I could smell it right from the page. Did I tell you to go fuck yourself? Oh yeah I guess I did. Have a great day now you silly little racist black boy.
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Diagnosis: Patient has deluded self into thinking olfactory senses are superhuman, has strong desire to watch African-American men masturbate without discretion.
Recommended treatment: "Black Dick."
Patient #3: Michael G. Smith
From: Michael G Smith [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2010 6:46 PM
To: Thrasher, Steven
Subject: I can see November from my house!
If you're this fucked up now, I can't wait to see how over the top bat-shit looney tunes you're gonna be after we kick your punk-ass to the curb come November! You and the Jug-eared pant-load deserve what's coming. I'm giddy with sweet revenge. HA HA. Oh yeah, and nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah. Best buy some new panties. You're gonna piss all over the ones you're currently wearing......Girlie man!
Diagnosis: Patient is prone to irrational levels of bipolar anger and ecsctacy. Projection of patient's own Freudian issues with sexual orientation manifest in promises of violent acts of revenge, as reciprocity for fantasizing about other men wearing womens' underwear.
Recommended treatment: Repeat viewings of To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.
Patient #4: Jerry Wigutow
From: Jerry Wigutow [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Thursday, September 30, 2010 11:44 AM
To: Thrasher, Steven Subject: white American mind
You are very correct in pointing out the white American mind was in disarray. They white America elected obama and they have come to their senses by virtue of LEARNING that he is unfit and incompetent at the job of President of the USA. The man has a ghetto personality and it is quite obvious since that is where he was educated once he left college.
Diagnosis: Patient is fascinating study, as he acknowledges psychological sickness and diagnosis, but attempts rationalizing diagnosis by transferring culpability to symptoms. Seems to have inhibited imaginary role of knowing educator with imaginary focus in "personality" reading.
Recommended treatment: Keep under close observation, with potential field studies in "ghetto" locales. Also: 50mg of Lithium, five times a day.
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