Thirty Things to Do in New York City Before You Turn 30

Thirty Things to Do in New York City Before You Turn 30
Maro Hagopian for the Village Voice

New York is the best and worst place to be young — you're perpetually broke, sleep-deprived, and starving, yet you'll never have more fun in your life. The city is a fickle mistress, though, and soon your favorite places will be overrun with early-twentysomething amateurs (ugh, you were never like those embarrassing n00bs) and emptying your Netflix queue will be the new "staying out till dawn." Here's a list of the things you should tackle before both your body — and your favorite bars — shut down completely.

30. Subsist entirely on street food Stuff yourself with dollar slices, Mamoun's, and Shake Shack before your digestive system abruptly decides it's no longer accepting entire food groups. You can #eatclean when you're old.

Thirty Things to Do in New York City Before You Turn 30
Laura June for the Village Voice

29. Have a one-night stand with someone in costume (or while in costume) The rest of the country can have Halloween. Thanks to infinite costumes-suggested events (like nightlife legend Suzanne Bartsch's KUNST), New Yorkers can turn a low-key Tuesday into a very glittery Wednesday walk of shame. If this happens during SantaCon, tell no one.

28. While visiting home, become a New York City exceptionalist Begin every sentence with "You know what the best part about New York is? X. Do you guys have X here yet?" This works best when "X" is something fairly standard, like taxis. Or Ikea.

27. Vomit into your purse — or anywhere in public You are not getting kicked out of this taxi. Not again. Just take some deep nose-breaths and...oh. If you're on your way to work, maybe people will just think you have the flu. Sequined minidresses are absolutely office attire.

26. Accidentally engage a celebrity in conversation No, that's not the girl who lived across the hall sophomore year at Bennington. It's Julia Stiles, and she's not going to be pleased when you realize this four minutes in and ask her to do the butt move from Save the Last Dance.

Thirty Things to Do in New York City Before You Turn 30
By Austin Uhler (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

25. Drink the original-recipe Four Loko that you've had in your fridge since 2010 Chug that can of rancid Jolly Rancher–flavored blackout juice and make sure someone films the resulting solo dance party/trip to the ER so you can chuckle about it when you're 30. It's probably aged beautifully behind that decrepit jar of Vegenaise and 300 soy sauce packets.

24. Come to the cruel realization that none of those life milestones are happening until you're at least 40 Remember when you thought you'd have a quaint West Village apartment with a fireplace and a sick high-profile job by now? That was adorable. Roommates, ramen, and side gigs are your normal, now. If you want privacy, move back to the 'burbs.

23. Party with (or bang) a celebrity This is a lot easier than you'd think. Twitter-stalk some luminaries and sweet-talk your way into their secret show/fashion week event/private reading. Instagram your new best friend with caution as this is the surest way to immediately be booted from your new crew.

22. Date someone you met in real life It turns out that people actually used to do this.

21. Experiment with drugs Try a bunch of drugs before Lipitor replaces molly in your days-of-the-week pill organizer. When you're 29, you're the life of the party; when you're 30, it's a problem.

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