This Doorman Strike Would Be Scary, If We Had Doormen

This Doorman Strike Would Be Scary, If We Had Doormen

We at Runnin' Scared have far and few (okay, no) doormen between us. But that doesn't mean we don't understand the plight of the many wealthy New Yorkers facing the possibility of a doorman strike come 12:01 a.m. April 21. We are not like the snarky old New York Times, publishing how-tos on opening your door by yourself (offend your own readership much?). Hey, we're not here to make fun of rich people. Some of our best friends are rich people. And making fun of rich (or any) people is but an accidental byproduct of what we do, so don't go getting all self-obsessed.

Thus, we are happy to present some guidelines straight from the 45-page (there's a lot of repetition) Residential Building Preparedness Information manual issued by the Realty Advisory Board on Labor Relations (RABOLR).

Some of these things... well, they're a little scary, to be honest. We're kinda glad we don't have doormen so we never had to relearn to live without them (it's kinda like husbands, we guess). But for those of you facing a suddenly doorman-less existence, read on:

Guards and resident volunteers should be instructed that they are not to admit or do "favors" for anyone, especially striking personnel, even if they are long-time acquaintances. (There are no "pals" or "buddies" during a strike!)

In buildings with lobby attendants/doorpersons, many residents are accustomed to entering without a key. Yet, during a strike there may be unforseen periods when neither an attendant or guard will be available. Residents should be reminded to carry their keys at all times.

Since all traffic in the building will have to pass through the front lobby, residents are requested to keep deliveries, shopping trips, and other use of the entrance to a minimum during a strike.

Please defer any garbage generating activities until after the strike. Sanitation workers generally refuse to cross a picket line to collect garbage until a health emergency exists.

Groceries and newspaper deliveries will be accepted at the front door; you will be called down to claim them.

If your building utilizes fuel oil, arrange for a fuel delivery just prior to April 20, 2010. You should also be careful to secure the access (filler pipe) to your fuel supply in order to prevent vandalism.

But, hey, it's not all bad...

If your lease should expire during the time of the strike, you will be allowed to remain in your apartment without prejudice or penalty.

Free housing, sweet! Also, your doorman won't be there to give you disapproving glances when you come home from the bar at 3 a.m. with that guy with the face tats.

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