Top 5 Reasons Governor Paterson Was Right to Declare 'Race to the Cock' Day

By now, you've heard that Governor Paterson more or less made yesterday's "Race to the Cock" day a better news story when he got rather excited talking about New York's bringing home the federal education bacon:

Paterson and Obama have never been close, nor have they ever really supported each other's election efforts. So we can only wonder if Paterson's crediting the President and Secretary Arne Duncan "for coming up with a race to the cock" was a mere slip of the tongue or of Dr. Freud.

You can call it "Race to the Top." Still, here are five reasons we think Paterson was right that yesterday was indeed "Race to the Cock" Day:

1. "Race to the Top" WAS a "Race to the Cock"

New York City and state public officials blew just about everything and everyone in sight for the chance at a $700 million money shot. Education funds are hard to come by, and officials got down on their knees in front of everyone, from churches to unions. Long time opponents to what Arne Duncan was trying to elicit — more charter schools, student performance being tied to teacher evaluations — opened wide because the unsavory demands came with big bucks. The result? Democratic politicians got on board, some teacher unions gave their support, and the federal government awarded all of their efforts with a payoff shot that would have put John Holmes to shame.

2. In Arizona, a metaphorical race to the cock saved John McCain

Maybe McCain's day should be sub-categorized as a "race to the balls," for he had to service a lot of tea baggers to (overwhelmingly) defeat his primary challenge from the right, J.D. Hayworth. But in spending $20 million on a primary campaign — some $75 per vote — McCain probably had to do a lot of traditional servicing as well. The biggest hit he took may not have been getting down on his knees to raise so much dough (although his free-for-all spending does little to bolster his image as a campaign-finance reformer), but he had to blow so many people who stood in opposition to his past stances. He largely abandoned his once bi-partisan willingness to try for immigration reform. He was more than willing to use the tried and true GOP playbook tactic of racing to the cock to win an election by blaming gays. Though he once tepidly supported repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," he said in this campaign that he would filibuster against it. In the end, McCain soundly defeated his opposition, but he did so with some crusty, mysterious stains on his lapel, where his flag pin ought to be.

3. In Florida, a literal race to the cock probably cost A.G. Bill McCollum the GOP nomination for governor

As Attorney General, McCollum opposed gays being able to adopt (and still does), and he relied on the "expert" testimony of one Dr. George Rekers to demonstrate why it shouldn't be allowed. McCollum paid Rekers some $120,000 of taxpayer money for this expert "evidence." But then Reker's spectacular, trans-Atlantic race to the cock was first reported by the Miami New Times: The paper caught Rekers returning from Europe with a rentboy named Lucien. After McCollum had serviced Rekers with taxpayer money for so long, it was suddenly quite embarrassing for the candidate to be stuck in bed with him. Needless to say, it didn't sit well with the anti-gay crowd McCollum was trying to whip up that he had helped finance Rekers's rentboy romance. McCollum was felled by well-financed political newcomer Rick Scott, who owes Rekers a thank-you note.

4. The Marine Corps may wind up with separate barracks for gay and straight soldiers

Amid yesterday's election news, Joe My God points out something interesting from Marine Corps Commandant General James Conway: If "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is repealed, the Marines may offer different barracks for gay and straight soldiers.

Conway said the separate living quarters would be "voluntary" to address those who "don't want to room" with gays due to "moral concerns." We can't think of a better way than to keep the eye on the mission or build team morale than to separate soldiers along these lines. Would the USMC be trying to create a race from the cock for straight soldiers, or a race to the cock by putting all the gay soldiers together in one barrack? More than anything, such segregation would probably represent a race to a different type of blow job: a servicing of Jim Crowe, a return to "separate and equal," kind of like a Kara Walker silhouette.

5. There are 69 days to go to the mid-term elections

If Paterson had really wanted to make the most out of the "Race to the Cock," he would have made that gaffe today. But good timing has never been Paterson's strong suit.


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