Turkeys Are Taking Over Staten Island

Our dear old Staten Island has become overrun with turkeys. The State Department of Environmental Conservation has passed out a survey to some Island residents asking them what they should do about the feathery problem. The New York Post reports, "the D.E.C. says no facility can be found to take such a large number of turkeys and keep them separate from wild turkey populations." But what about Greg Ruggiero, the "Turkey-Saving Staten Island Man"? Guess his plan to help the birds didn't work. In just a year, the population of birds is at about 150 and growing. A possible D.E.C. solution is to kill off some of them to feed the homeless.

The Post says that another possible solution to the problem would be teaching Islanders "techniques for co-existing with them." Please let this be a reality show. Nothing would be more entertaining than watching a bunch of Staten Islanders being forced to learn about turkey's rights. A possible scene:

Turkey Wellness Educator: The feathers of the turkey, while very beautiful, are not for plucking...

S.I. Woman: Oh my gawd. Steve, look at that freakin' color! Steve, I'd die for that color for in the den.

S.I. Man: Yeah, whatever, Joanna.

S.I. Woman: Whatever? Are you freakin' kiddin' me? We haven't redone the den in five months!

S.I. Man: Yeah, whatever, Joanna.

Turkey Educator: Excuse me, I wasn't done talking.

S.I. Man and Woman give nasty look to Turkey Wellness Educator.

Still, judging by this comment on SiLive.com, some Staten Islanders might not want the D.E.C. to do anything at all:

Turkeys Are Taking Over Staten Island

[Mtanzer]


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