Was Ambien Tiger Woods' Sex Drug, or His Alibi?

Well, you've heard it all about Tiger Woods by now: the growing number of alleged romantic conquests, the Ambien sex --

Wait what?

"Uchitel told friends that she and Tiger liked to have sex while taking the drug Ambien. Uchitel told one pal, 'You know you have crazier sex on Ambien, you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex'"...

This is a new one on us, though apparently not to others: "My wife is a very conservative southern lady," says a Topix poster. "I am here to tell you the wildest, best, most memorable sex was when she was on Ambien." (Later she "had to stop taking it because it caused severe depression." Sure, blame the drug.)

All the kids are snickering over Woods' alleged use of a prescription sleep aid as a sexual supplement. But we recall an old Washington Post article on Ambien, and now we believe Woods was actually looking not for sexual thrills, but an alibi in case he got caught...

The Martin F. Downs story chronicles the reported phenomenon of Ambien sleepwalking -- and sleepeating, sleepdriving, etc. Some people blame an Ambien-related "partial arousal" disorder -- ahem -- for criminal acts they claim not to remember committing. There was a Navy intelligence officer who was arrested for "shoplifting DVDs and a candle." Another article relates the story of a guy who had Ambien and a few drinks and says "the last thing he remembers is watching David Letterman on television": he was arrested for driving on the wrong side of the road, among other vehicular crimes, allegedly while unaware of his actions.

Events overtook Tiger, but we imagine that if the subject of possible dalliances had come up with his wife under quieter circumstances, he could have pulled out the papers and an Ambien scrip. "See," he might have said, "I was just trying to get some shut-eye after the rigors of [recent tournament here], and I wound up driving, purchasing condoms, and having sex with Jaimee Grubbs -- all without knowing what I was doing."

Given the bad reputation of prescription drugs, it might even have worked. Alas, after his midnight car crash and the subsequent brouhaha, an Ambien defense was out of the question. Now his best hope is to produce a history of male pattern baldness. Photo (cc) Cliff1066.


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