I knew we were born the same year, Katie Holmes and I. It's one of those facts that crop up in glossy interviews with young actresses. Natalie Portman went to Harvard, Claire Danes to Yale. Rosario Dawson was discovered on a stoop, Reese Witherspoon on Plymouth Rock. Gwyneth Paltrow loved her daddy, Heather Graham won't speak to hers. I don't ask to know these things, I just do. Now, in the tidal wave of gossip crashing down on Tom Cruise's dubious adoration for Katie Holmes, I have been reading a lot more about my pretty Year of the Horse alum. The other day I came across this vital fact nugget: Katie and I have the exact same bust size. I was moderately appalled by the appearance of this information in print (a glorious example of the tabloids' "Don't ask, we'll tell you anyway!" policy), but it quickly caused me to construct a lunacy-soaked logic proof in which Katie Holmes is walking around with my actual breasts. Whereas normally I'd feel flattered knowing that my mammaries are being well taken care of, draped in Carolina Herrera dresses and the like, I felt violated. I knew I was being felt up by... More >>>