Why must a world-class star be hung up on some twerp?
Yesterday, Angelina Jolie revealed that she'd had a double mastectomy as a preventive measure against a family history of breast cancer, amidst worldwide kudos and admiration. But on Facebook and other places, some were not convinced. "Her breasts were sagging," said one ex "friend" of mine, "so s ... More >>
She was 10, as you'll remember, and Brad was a hippieish, long haired guy who she felt probably had cooties. So, while it was the dream of most women and a lot of men, little Kirsten was completely grossed out by the experience.
You thrilled to me as Angelina Jolie, you blanched when you saw me as Tan Mom. Well, now I'm Honey Boo Boo Child--fixing up one helluva deadly punch--thanks to this enchanting illustration by Julia Minamata.
Yesterday, I showed you my glorious visage as Angelina Jolie with her tres Jolie leg-out pose, as photographed by Santiago Felipe for my Voice cover story looking back on 2012. Well, here comes moi as Patricia Krentcil, the whack job who looked like a California raisin, but who denied having brough ... More >>
A top makeup artist was recently applying all sorts of wizardry to my face while sharing some insider gossip with me the way makeup artists are delightfully wont to do. And he said that in makeup schools around the country, Angelina Jolie is referenced a lot--in a good way, because the Oscar winner ... More >>
You know, the bizarre costarring vehicle for lippy Angelina Jolie and owlish Johnny Depp, and I can't believe it not only didn't sweep the Razzie Awards for 2010, it wasn't even nominated! Someone had to have been paid off! (Which would also explain its Golden Globe nominations for Picture, Actor, ... More >>
I was flipping through the book The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Ghosts by Thornton and Kinky Friedman, and came across this confession: "The reason Angie and I split up was because I couldn't take it. "Angie, I felt, was definitely too good for me, and at some point, if you believe somebody's ... More >>
Angelina Jolie is entering her grand diva phase, playing the wickedest of witches, and I think it's going to be fun. Says the release about Maleficent (due in 2014): "This is the untold story of Disney's most beloved villain, Maleficent, from the 1959 classic Sleeping Beauty.
And it's really loving! Now how is Brad Pitt going to feel about that? The book is The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Gosts by Thornton and Kinky Friedman. And Thornton's ex, Angelina Jolie, clinks metaphorical vials of blood with him and weighs in with a written appreciation.
Mickey Avalon's immortal genital-rap classic "My Dick" was bound to get a spoof, but nothing else about the above clip was inevitable. It's fresh, racy, funny, smelly, and pink on both sides and brown in the middle. It's "My Ass" by P-Flo--namely Pickles (aka writer/producer Michael Wakefield) and ... More >>
Check out my hot new column, which is the latest addition to my "Why I Hate..." series that's sweeping the nation. This one deals with: *The horror of 3-D used for films that don't really warrant it (or don't even take advantage of it)! *The sequels to films you didn't want in the first place! ... More >>
I demand that Us magazine keeps printing the contractual demands that celebs make for their well-stocked dressing rooms, flights, and other appearances. It's just so entertaining and revealing, both in the celebs' nervy hauteur and in their occasional crassness and bad taste. The current one has g ... More >>
Angelina Jolie with her leg sticking out of that slit in her dress may well become as iconic an image as Marilyn with her shmatte flying up. When she swiveled out on the Oscars with her hand on her hip and her chickeny leg out, it prompted instant homage (The Descendants' writers did it with tuxes ... More >>
When Katy Perry and Russell Brand announced their split not long ago, no one batted a fake lash. It was a matter of "How did it even manage to last that long?" But when relationship champs like Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, and Heidi Klum and Seal, are reportedly splitsville, who's left that we ... More >>
I've exclusively gotten these resolutions from famous people who are hoping to stay famous in the new year. *Justin Bieber "I'll smile for the first time! Even when people say I impregnated them!"
According to forbes.com. (10) Meryl Streep $10 million per picture. What???? She should make that just for waking up. (9) Sandra Bullock $15 million. I bet she'd trade all that in for one normal man. (8) Cameron Diaz. $18 million. I guess there's something about Mary.
Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck's film gawks at its stars, visits Venice, has twist
This haunted house has issues
Her contradictions buoy the otherwise rote film
Claudette Colbert was divine as Cleopatra in 1934, but nothing can top Liz Taylor wearing '60s style togas and makeup, croaking "Caesar, what's boinin'?" Seriously, La Liz was amazing--and well worth lifting--even if all the on-set gossip and hoopla surrounding her and Richard Burton tended ... More >>
So you think you have original style? Think again.
Hey, you never know
Hillary Clinton fell on her way to the White House and broke her elbow yesterday, and will require surgery. Condolences pour in from all over the internet. "It must be a vast right-wing conspiracy" -- Holy Coast. "Was she confused and disoriented?" -- Ann Althouse. "When reached for comment by Bu ... More >>
Mind you, I'm not including anyone from the silent era because I'm always too busy reading their lips to assess their attributes. But looking through my old issues of Hollywood Confidential--and skimming through some Peoples for updates--I've decided that the 10 runners-up for "most stunning cinema ... More >>
We've all imagined doing it with famous people--snuggling with Angelina, pounding it to Brad, going down on Hitler--so it's time we took our perfectly healthy fantasies out of the closet and brought them into the public arena for mass ridicule. So which celebrity, living or dead, would YOU most wan ... More >>
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are so beautiful they look like some kind of constantly polished Renaissance sculpture, completing each others' features in a way that makes them into one sumptuous being known simply as Brangelina. But might the fame game be getting to these conjoined icons just a teeny ... More >>
Who's the grandest, most baby popping mother in our great tabloid nation? Here are your mo-fo choices: *Nadya Suleman, the octuplet lady. She's popped out 14 human lives in total, all thanks to the very same sperm donor (Jodie Foster?). The woman spews children out of her privates like a Civil War ... More >>
The New York Times reports that, in exchange for first photos of Brad Pitt's and Angelina Jolie's recently-born twins and a post-partum interview, People magazine had to promise that its coverage of Brangelina "would be positive, not merely in that instance but into the future." Among other things, ... More >>
Last week, it was revealed that America's sweetheart Jennifer Aniston had finally broken her silence on Brangelina by telling Vogue that Angelina having spilled the beans on details of the relationship "was very uncool." Wow, THAT'S hot stuff isn't it! A really incendiary barrage of pure rage! Almo ... More >>
President elect Barack Obama has foolishly jumped the gun and appointed a cabinet member without waiting for my sage advice! He's already fucked up! Here's who he SHOULD be tapping for the various key slots:
In the week that we discovered New York has a local music scene by way of Sarah Palin's new favorite band Department of Eagles, to say nothing of the local charm of a new Japanther cover of an old Oregon folk song, we also found time to slag said scene: CMJ, you are no POP Montreal. There may or m ... More >>
To paraphrase H.L. Mencken, nobody ever went broke underestimating the tastes of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. And so it's possible that the "buzz" about Clint Eastwood's latest, Changeling, is true and that lead actress Angelina Jolie is destined for an Oscar nomination. But sinc ... More >>
It's only four months to the Oscar nominations (sorry, I'm a sick queen), so it's time to start separating the frontrunners from the back-of-the buses. Here come my never-too-early choices for the definite-probable-maybe nominees. And not to brag, but I'm usually about 80% right with this shit.
Che wins the only Cannes award that really matters: ours
Alzheimer's is a big winner is at the Oscars! I got 19 out of 25! Correctly predicted Oscar nominations, that is! The big winners? Anyone playing an assassin, a gangster, a greedy whore, a vengeance queen, a queen period, or an Alzheimer's patient. The losers? The Simpsons Movie plus most of the pe ... More >>
If Angelina Jolie can wear a $26 evening gown, why can't you?
Bigger than any single tragedy, Angelina Jolie kidnaps Daniel Pearl's movie