Carrie Prejean

  • Blogs

    September 30, 2012

    Honey Boo Boo's Pro-Gay Dance Song

    It's the most rollicking 27 seconds of the season, and the message is pretty swell. It has pint-sized wannabe beauty contestant Honey Boo Boo (aka Alana Thompson) declaring "Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' a little gay. Everybody's a little gay." And her pithy little colloquialism been autotuned, p ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 13, 2012

    I Won The Hope Springs Sweepstakes!

    I usually don't do well at games of chance. I've rarely even gotten three numbers in a row on a Bingo card. But I scored big the other night when I went to see the Meryl Streep/Tommy Lee Jones middle-aged romcom Hope Springs at Chelsea Clearview. On the way in, my friend and I were given promotio ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 11, 2011

    The Eight Funniest Things I Said To Keith Olbermann

    ​As Keith Olbermann prepares to move to Current TV, let's reminisce about the naughty things I used to say to him on air--utterances that would make him simultaneously blush and egg me on. Here are the cutest/bawdiest:

  • Blogs

    January 23, 2011

    Keith Olbermann, Thank You!

    ​For more than six years, I was a regular on your show, and from the start I felt we had a way more comfortable rapport than, let's say, Spitzer and whatshername. As we chewed over topics from Tom Cruise's love life to Sarah Palin's family values and beyond, I'd say impishly outrageous things ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 5, 2010

    Anti-Bullying Hypocrisy!

    ​That's what I was accused of by a Facebook friend. He wrote, "So I hear you're going to be in an anti-bullying video. But aren't you the one who bullied and maligned Carrie Prejean?"

  • Blogs

    May 17, 2010

    Liberal Beauty Contestant Wins Miss USA

    ​Last night's Miss USA pageant obviously picked up some pointers from last year's contest, when they wisely only made Carrie Prejean a runner-up. Had the moralizing strumpet won the top prize, she would have disgraced the entire organization with the nudie photos surfacing by the Scores--I me ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 19, 2010

    Is Larry King Actually Sexy?

    ​I never thought of Larry King as that much of a hottie before, but with all the gossip hitting the tabs, he turns out to be the biggest Hollywood player since George Hamilton! The suspendered crypt keeper-lookalike is actually a raging ladies man who allegedly cheated on wifey with her young ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2010

    Big Day for Gay Marriage from Jersey to D.C. to San Francisco

    ​It's a big day for gay marriage across the nation. In San Francisco, Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker has ruled that a potential legal revolution to overturn Prop 8 will not be televised live, though it will be YouTubed. The judge will preside over the federal trial, Perry v. Schwarze ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2009

    At Last! My Essay on the End of the Decade!

    ​CLICK HERE to enjoy my stunning cover essay looking back on the aughts, which trenchantly details the economic downslides, rabid terrorism, gay marriage setbacks, and Britney Spears records that made us run for our lives.

  • News

    December 29, 2009
  • Blogs

    November 18, 2009

    Aggregating the Aggregators

    ​Today's hot hot stories, brought to you by the blurb jockeys at America's sexiest news sources! Huffington Post: The 18 Biggest lies of Palin's book. Some Hemingway filly is topless. Levi Johnston's hairy armpit. Teabagger party turns violent. Jessica Alba pats herself on the back. Costco s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 16, 2009

    Carrie Prejean Has 30 Nude Photos and Eight "Sex" Tapes!!

    ​It seems that every few weeks, a new scandal from bible thumping hypocrite Carrie Prejean comes to the public's attention, and the deposed beauty-queen-turned-professional-victim declares, "That was the biggest mistake of my life" blah blah fucking blah. But what she really means is "That wa ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 13, 2009

    Olbermann and I Discuss Prejean's Latest Hijinx

    In an already legendary fit, Carrie Prejean took her mic off and waltzed off the set on Larry King Live the other night, upset about Larry's questioning and the fact that he was allowing call-ins whereas she'd supposedly made a deal forbidding that to happen.

  • Blogs

    November 12, 2009

    Bad News For Carrie Prejean

    ​The new I'm-a-victim book by dethroned beauty queen Carrie Prejean might play well in the hinterlands (though it was ranked #595 on Amazon last time I looked), but In New York it's not exactly getting a royal treatment. In fact, I dropped by the Lincoln Center area Barnes & Noble yesterday t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 6, 2009

    Will New York Get Gay Marriage?

    ​In the wake of the Maine horror, there's been some way more appealing news. Governor David Paterson is including marriage equality in the sweeping November 10 session he is calling for, bringing gay marriage before the State Senate for approval! Or at least he will if no one blocks it, as th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 21, 2009

    Olbermann and I Discuss Balloon Boy...

    ...and balloon girl Carrie Prejean, ba dum pum! Yes, in a riveting, panoramic segment on MSNBC's Countdown With Keith Olbermann last night, we talked about that zany little balloon boy and why his dad once commissioned TV theme songs that sound like the Beverly Hillbillies tune on extra mooonshin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 20, 2009

    Carrie Prejean is Countersued

    ​Remember when dethroned Miss California Carrie Prejean sued the pageant organization for all kinds of not-very-pretty slander and discrimination issues? Well, nyah, nyah, nyah, they're suing her back! They say the tiara-challenged beauty's suit was merely a cheesy attempt to "extend her noto ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 18, 2009

    Carrie Prejean at Values Voters: God Has "Bigger Crown for Me in Heaven" Than Trump Does

    ​The Values Voters Summit -- held in liberal D.C. rather than in Branson, Missouri, for some reason -- kicked off this morning, and has already heard from former Miss California Carrie Prejean, whose remarks are characterized by a sympathetic Dakota Voice: "She said she was raised by parents w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 17, 2009

    I Dished Sarah Palin With Olbermann

    It's lovely to go on TV and rag on someone besides Carrie Prejean for a change. So last night, I appeared on Countdown With Keith Olbermann to discuss the wacky hype behind Sarah Palin's lucrative public appearances--the ones she stepped down from her silly little gubernatorial post to cash in on ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 15, 2009

    Big Conservative Event to Take Place on Rosh Hashanah

    ​Last week venerable conservative Norman Podhoretz wondered why Jews in America were "misguidedly loyal" to liberalism, when conservatism was so welcoming to the Chosen People. This led to endless debates and a pleasing irony: the arch-conservative Family Research Council, which also likes to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 17, 2009

    I End an Old Feud and Start a New One

    A young gentleman approached me at Pieces bar the other night and we had a nice chat. It turned out he was Drago, the doorman at the bar XES, who famously denied me admission because I didn't have ID. Crazy or just doing his job with an exacting attention to detail? The latter, I'm so sure, and he w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 29, 2009

    What's Your Favorite Perez Hilton Scandal?

    All in just the last few months, my spiritual godchild Perez Hilton landed in three massive controversies that have made him way more interesting a gossip subject than the people he blogs about. So what's your fave Perez scandal: *His asking Miss USA contestant Carrie Prejean about gay marriage, t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2009

    My Two Cents On The Letterman/Palin Feud

    Embedded video from CNN Video Master comic David Letterman's badly fact-checked joke about Sarah Palin's daughter became big news this last week because Octomom hasn't gotten implanted in a few days and Carrie Prejean must have been muzzled for a while. And it's still showing signs of life. When I ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 12, 2009

    Did Carrie Prejean's Firing Get Me Fired Up On Olbermann?

    Last night, I went on Countdown With Keith Olbermann to discuss Carrie Prejean's dethroning, but don't believe the headline someone put on YouTube ("Musto Lament's Carrie Prejean's Firing.."). The truth is, while I DID point out Donald Trump's hypocrisies in suddenly turning against Carrie, I said ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 10, 2009

    Trump to Carrie Prejean: You're Fired! Gay Marriage Opponent Out as Miss California

    Last month Donald Trump refused to fire Miss California USA Carrie Prejean when her old topless shots were revealed. The Miss USA contestant had rocketed to fame when she revealed herself to be against gay marriage under pageant questioning by Perez Hilton and was subsequently not elected to Miss US ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 10, 2009

    Carrie Prejean Finally Dethroned!

    Donald Trump had backed up dim-witted Carrie Prejean's right to retain her Miss California crown, but he just backtracked and said, "Off with it now!" And why? Because she's anti gay? Because she broke her contract and made appearances outside the pageant's approval? Because the wind blew open her b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 3, 2009

    Joan Rivers Lets It Rip

    Veteran funny lady Joan Rivers gave me an earful the other day, and I've carefully transcribed it all for you in this week's riotous column. (CLICK HERE). Here's what Joan had to say about Miss California, the bible-toting Carrie Prejean: "Just shut up. You got your new breasts--smile and shut the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 26, 2009

    When Dummos Misuse The "Free Speech" Argument

    Nose-picking cretins love to yell "Free speech!" to shout you down whenever you object to the remarks of, say, a bible thumping ingrate like Carrie Prejean. (Sorry to bring that wretch up again. It's just a handy example to use here.) What these slugs don't seem to realize is that we KNOW it's Prej ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 22, 2009

    Prejean's Mom Had Same-Sex Relationship?

    Miss California, Carrie Prejean, is exclusively in favor of "opposite" marriage, but her mother apparently has nothing against same-sex liaisons. A woman has told that she had a lesbo affair with the beauty queen's mom! And now, poor Carrie will have to call up her mama and say, "Um, I ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 15, 2009

    Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared

    We know how you feel, kid. Via Craftser via urlesque. We suspect Obama got that Iranian-American reporter released, and he's certainly trying to help refugees and rescue us from financial criminals. But does he get credit? No -- because he he laughed at Wanda Sykes, just like all the newly-reclas ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 14, 2009

    Why Carrie Prejean's Bible Thumping Won't Wash

    Miss California Carrie Prejean has referenced the bible in dispensing her anti-gay sentiments, as if she has a direct pipeline to a greater deity and knows for a fact that he/she wants gays to be deprived of equal rights. This approach is always a sanctimonious way to spray air freshener on a pile ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 14, 2009

    What's The Kinkiest Sex You Ever Had?

    It's kinky confession time, kids. Wipe your minds clean of all the boring in-out routines you've performed through the years. Tell me instead about the wacky times--the edgiest acts you can remember engaging in with a consensual adult, when you kept going to unchartered places with your privates whi ... More >>

  • Columns

    May 13, 2009

    Is Billy Elliot Gay? Is Liza Admitting To Marrying Them?

    Not all the liquid refreshment was at the after-parties.

  • Blogs

    May 13, 2009

    When Cretins Attack: I Was Crucified For Trashing a Homophobe!

    All my media campaigning to mock half-naked moralist Carrie Prejean resulted in the mobilization of the nose-picking brigade to slime me right back. These deeply sensitive bigot protectors were most offended that I had joked that Carrie was once a homophobic man named Harry Prejean and the pageant h ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 12, 2009

    In Defense of Carrie Prejean's Newly-Revealed Nipple Photos

    Let's be fair. Model shoots include a lot of stuff that is not meant for the final proofs, and there is no indication that Miss California/anti-gay-marriage crusader Carrie Prejean expected the shots up at TMZ today to be circulated. And if Donald Trump decides, as he is supposedly mulling today, to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 12, 2009

    More Prejean Boob Action

    Half-a-Miss-California Carrie Prejean has been revealed to have done yet more booby shots! The woman obviously thinks with her tits! This is not a problem for me, but it's definitely a concern for the pageant, which Prejean neglected to notify of such brazen activity. Expect her crown to be ripped ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 12, 2009

    Breaking! Carrie Prejean Keeps Crown, Says Trump

    Praise Jesus! Donald Trump will let Miss California Carrie Prejean keep her crown. He says the topless shots of her are "fine," reports the Tucson Citizen; we maintain that they don't show enough of her breasts, and that she should arch her back more. Trump, who runs the Miss USA franchise, also was ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 12, 2009

    Is Obama Any Better Than Carrie Prejean?

    Luke VargasMy frequent skewering of Miss California, Carrie Prejean, for her inarticulate narrow mindedness has garned lots of debate, but one argument rises from the muck and rings kind of true: "Obama's against gay marriage too, dumbass!" Yes, I happen to know that, and in one of my recent TV app ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 11, 2009

    Dom DeLuise: Gay?

    I was so Carrie Prejean-ed out last week that I neglected to note the sad passing of Dom DeLuise, the portly and gifted comic actor who elevated such films as Cannonball Run, Smoky and the Bandit II, and Fatso, along with a whole bunch of those boozy Dean Martin roasts of people who obviously planne ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 8, 2009

    Cheek, In Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared

    Yeah, we finally made it to Citi Field Wednesday. What do we think? We think Johan Santana is awesome. Swine Flu fucked up Cinco de Mayo, continued to be funny until we got it. Wait, actually it's still pretty funny, especially since we really didn't get swine flu. But even if! Anyway Raccoon ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 8, 2009

    The Week in Twisted Family Values

    Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was revealed to have done semi-nude photos, which added to the bizarreness of her rabid anti-gay-marriage stance. Here's a fake-titted ex-stripping "model" who gets on a high horse and preaches "opposite" marriage. I still feel Prejean shouldn't be dethroned, though. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 7, 2009

    More TV of Me vs. Carrie Prejean

    Watch the full video here. While I was busy criticizing the vacuousness of certain beauty queens, I made a dumb move myself yesterday. I put up the wrong video of me talking about Miss USA Carrie Prejean on HLN's Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell. THAT one dealt with Republican Virginia Foxx's commen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 6, 2009

    Miss California Partied With a Trannie!

    Did Carrie Prejean really get down with transsexual extraordinaire Amanda Lepore? Was their moment together like something out of The Parent Trap? Is Carson Kressley making swine flu jokes? Did Sally Field really say Tom Hanks seems to have A.D.D.? And speaking of attention spans, did I really s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 5, 2009

    What Happens When You Entrust Your Anti-Gay Movement to a Beauty Queen

    When last we left failed Miss USA candidate Carrie Prejean, she was revving up the conservative base with her anti-gay marriage ministry. She even agreed to appear in an ad supporting "traditional marriage" (i.e., no homosexuals allowed). Then Prejean's topless model shot was revealed -- extremely ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 4, 2009

    Today at the Voice and Voice Blogs

    The Voice looks at that other "Craigslist Killer" and his victim, Katherine Olson, slain in 2007 by a man advertising for babysitters near Minneapolis. Actually there have been a few so-called Craigslist Killers, including the one who recently murdered Julissa Brisman of Queens, and reporters Matt S ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 2, 2009

    The O'Reilly Factor Attacks Me!

    Right-wingers--the same ones who are freaking because their antiquated views have lost power--don't like me! And I am thrilled! Laura Ingraham hosted The O'Reilly Factor on Friday and critiqued me for my satirical putdowns of Carrie Prejean on Countdown With Keith Olbermann the night before. She d ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 1, 2009

    Olbermann and I Trade Boob Jokes

    Last night on Countdown With Keith Olbermann, I got to toss off some of my breast, I mean best jokes about Miss California Carrie Prejean's knocker implants, while also getting off my chest my feelings about her relentless crusade in favor of "opposite" marriage. Watch it and laugh your tits off!

  • Blogs

    April 29, 2009

    Miss California Banned From Competing in Miss Fag Hag Pageant

    That's the funny title of a press release that went out promoting the Miss Fag Hag Pageant--a procession of real-life Will and Graces at Comix (353 W. 14 St.) on Sunday May 17, which will feature 10 fruit fly contestants and their tres-gay boyfriends. Says the email, "In lieu of a contender who onl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 27, 2009

    Rightbloggers Protest the Incivility of Their Gay Treasonous Douchebag Opposition

    Last week Michelle Malkin wrote a column, which she also published at her site, called "$%^&*!!: Civility and tolerance in the Age of Obama." Her theme was that liberals were uncivil and intolerant; also, mean and profane. Her primary example was the comments of gossip blogger Perez Hilton, not ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 20, 2009

    Anti-Gay-Marriage Girl Loses Pageant; Rightbloggers Cry Fix!

    Get ready for the new rightwing meme: that Miss North Carolina won the Miss USA pageant because of the velvet mafia. Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was asked by judge Perez Hilton (!) what she thought of gay marriage, and Prejean responded, "I think that I believe that a marriage should be between ... More >>

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