Carrie Prejean

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Blogs
June 3, 2009
Joan Rivers Lets It Rip
Veteran funny lady Joan Rivers gave me an earful the other day, and I've carefully transcribed it all for you in this week's riotous column. (CLICK HERE). Here's what Joan had to say about Miss California, the bible-toting Carrie Prejean: "Just shut up. You got your new breasts--smile and shut the ... More >>
Blogs
April 20, 2009
Anti-Gay-Marriage Girl Loses Pageant; Rightbloggers Cry Fix!
Get ready for the new rightwing meme: that Miss North Carolina won the Miss USA pageant because of the velvet mafia. Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was asked by judge Perez Hilton (!) what she thought of gay marriage, and Prejean responded, "I think that I believe that a marriage should be betwe ... More >>
Blogs
April 27, 2009
Rightbloggers Protest the Incivility of Their Gay Treasonous Douchebag Opposition
Last week Michelle Malkin wrote a column, which she also published at her site, called "$%^&*!!: Civility and tolerance in the Age of Obama." Her theme was that liberals were uncivil and intolerant; also, mean and profane. Her primary example was the comments of gossip blogger Perez Hilton, not ... More >>
Blogs
April 29, 2009
Miss California Banned From Competing in Miss Fag Hag Pageant
That's the funny title of a press release that went out promoting the Miss Fag Hag Pageant--a procession of real-life Will and Graces at Comix (353 W. 14 St.) on Sunday May 17, which will feature 10 fruit fly contestants and their tres-gay boyfriends. Says the email, "In lieu of a contender who onl ... More >>
Blogs
May 1, 2009
Olbermann and I Trade Boob Jokes
Last night on Countdown With Keith Olbermann, I got to toss off some of my breast, I mean best jokes about Miss California Carrie Prejean's knocker implants, while also getting off my chest my feelings about her relentless crusade in favor of "opposite" marriage. Watch it and laugh your tits off!
Blogs
May 2, 2009
The O'Reilly Factor Attacks Me!
Right-wingers--the same ones who are freaking because their antiquated views have lost power--don't like me! And I am thrilled! Laura Ingraham hosted The O'Reilly Factor on Friday and critiqued me for my satirical putdowns of Carrie Prejean on Countdown With Keith Olbermann the night before. She d ... More >>
Blogs
May 4, 2009
Today at the Voice and Voice Blogs
The Voice looks at that other "Craigslist Killer" and his victim, Katherine Olson, slain in 2007 by a man advertising for babysitters near Minneapolis. Actually there have been a few so-called Craigslist Killers, including the one who recently murdered Julissa Brisman of Queens, and reporters Matt S ... More >>
Blogs
May 5, 2009
What Happens When You Entrust Your Anti-Gay Movement to a Beauty Queen
When last we left failed Miss USA candidate Carrie Prejean, she was revving up the conservative base with her anti-gay marriage ministry. She even agreed to appear in an ad supporting "traditional marriage" (i.e., no homosexuals allowed). Then Prejean's topless model shot was revealed -- extremely ... More >>
Blogs
May 6, 2009
Miss California Partied With a Trannie!
Did Carrie Prejean really get down with transsexual extraordinaire Amanda Lepore? Was their moment together like something out of The Parent Trap? Is Carson Kressley making swine flu jokes? Did Sally Field really say Tom Hanks seems to have A.D.D.? And speaking of attention spans, did I really ... More >>
Blogs
May 7, 2009
More TV of Me vs. Carrie Prejean
Watch the full video here. While I was busy criticizing the vacuousness of certain beauty queens, I made a dumb move myself yesterday. I put up the wrong video of me talking about Miss USA Carrie Prejean on HLN's Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell. THAT one dealt with Republican Virginia Foxx's comme ... More >>
Blogs
May 8, 2009
Cheek, In Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared
Yeah, we finally made it to Citi Field Wednesday. What do we think? We think Johan Santana is awesome. Swine Flu fucked up Cinco de Mayo, continued to be funny until we got it. Wait, actually it's still pretty funny, especially since we really didn't get swine flu. But even if! Anyway Raccoon ... More >>
Blogs
May 8, 2009
The Week in Twisted Family Values
Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was revealed to have done semi-nude photos, which added to the bizarreness of her rabid anti-gay-marriage stance. Here's a fake-titted ex-stripping "model" who gets on a high horse and preaches "opposite" marriage. I still feel Prejean shouldn't be dethroned, though. ... More >>
Blogs
May 11, 2009
Dom DeLuise: Gay?
I was so Carrie Prejean-ed out last week that I neglected to note the sad passing of Dom DeLuise, the portly and gifted comic actor who elevated such films as Cannonball Run, Smoky and the Bandit II, and Fatso, along with a whole bunch of those boozy Dean Martin roasts of people who obviously planne ... More >>
Blogs
May 12, 2009
In Defense of Carrie Prejean's Newly-Revealed Nipple Photos
Let's be fair. Model shoots include a lot of stuff that is not meant for the final proofs, and there is no indication that Miss California/anti-gay-marriage crusader Carrie Prejean expected the shots up at TMZ today to be circulated. And if Donald Trump decides, as he is supposedly mulling today, to ... More >>
Blogs
May 12, 2009
More Prejean Boob Action
Half-a-Miss-California Carrie Prejean has been revealed to have done yet more booby shots! The woman obviously thinks with her tits! This is not a problem for me, but it's definitely a concern for the pageant, which Prejean neglected to notify of such brazen activity. Expect her crown to be ripped ... More >>
Blogs
May 12, 2009
Breaking! Carrie Prejean Keeps Crown, Says Trump
Praise Jesus! Donald Trump will let Miss California Carrie Prejean keep her crown. He says the topless shots of her are "fine," reports the Tucson Citizen; we maintain that they don't show enough of her breasts, and that she should arch her back more. Trump, who runs the Miss USA franchise, also was ... More >>
Blogs
May 12, 2009
Is Obama Any Better Than Carrie Prejean?
Luke VargasMy frequent skewering of Miss California, Carrie Prejean, for her inarticulate narrow mindedness has garned lots of debate, but one argument rises from the muck and rings kind of true: "Obama's against gay marriage too, dumbass!" Yes, I happen to know that, and in one of my recent TV app ... More >>
Columns
May 13, 2009
Is Billy Elliot Gay? Is Liza Admitting To Marrying Them?
Not all the liquid refreshment was at the after-parties.
Blogs
May 13, 2009
When Cretins Attack: I Was Crucified For Trashing a Homophobe!
All my media campaigning to mock half-naked moralist Carrie Prejean resulted in the mobilization of the nose-picking brigade to slime me right back. These deeply sensitive bigot protectors were most offended that I had joked that Carrie was once a homophobic man named Harry Prejean and the pageant h ... More >>
Blogs
May 14, 2009
Why Carrie Prejean's Bible Thumping Won't Wash
Miss California Carrie Prejean has referenced the bible in dispensing her anti-gay sentiments, as if she has a direct pipeline to a greater deity and knows for a fact that he/she wants gays to be deprived of equal rights. This approach is always a sanctimonious way to spray air freshener on a pile ... More >>
Blogs
May 14, 2009
What's The Kinkiest Sex You Ever Had?
It's kinky confession time, kids. Wipe your minds clean of all the boring in-out routines you've performed through the years. Tell me instead about the wacky times--the edgiest acts you can remember engaging in with a consensual adult, when you kept going to unchartered places with your privates whi ... More >>
Blogs
May 15, 2009
Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin' Scared
We know how you feel, kid. Via Craftser via urlesque. We suspect Obama got that Iranian-American reporter released, and he's certainly trying to help refugees and rescue us from financial criminals. But does he get credit? No -- because he he laughed at Wanda Sykes, just like all the newly-reclas ... More >>
Blogs
May 22, 2009
Prejean's Mom Had Same-Sex Relationship?
Miss California, Carrie Prejean, is exclusively in favor of "opposite" marriage, but her mother apparently has nothing against same-sex liaisons. A woman has told abcnews.com that she had a lesbo affair with the beauty queen's mom! And now, poor Carrie will have to call up her mama and say, "Um, I ... More >>
Blogs
May 21, 2009
He Shot Andy Warhol
The famed artist/marketer was photographed by Marcus Leatherdale in the '80s for Hidden Identities, Leatherdale's monthly page in the then-downtowny Details magazine, whereby notables from the in crowd gave off their customary star power while covering their faces to make it sort of an interactive g ... More >>
Blogs
May 26, 2009
When Dummos Misuse The "Free Speech" Argument
Nose-picking cretins love to yell "Free speech!" to shout you down whenever you object to the remarks of, say, a bible thumping ingrate like Carrie Prejean. (Sorry to bring that wretch up again. It's just a handy example to use here.) What these slugs don't seem to realize is that we KNOW it's Prej ... More >>
Blogs
June 10, 2009
Trump to Carrie Prejean: You're Fired! Gay Marriage Opponent Out as Miss California
Last month Donald Trump refused to fire Miss California USA Carrie Prejean when her old topless shots were revealed. The Miss USA contestant had rocketed to fame when she revealed herself to be against gay marriage under pageant questioning by Perez Hilton and was subsequently not elected to Miss US ... More >>
Blogs
June 10, 2009
Carrie Prejean Finally Dethroned!
Donald Trump had backed up dim-witted Carrie Prejean's right to retain her Miss California crown, but he just backtracked and said, "Off with it now!" And why? Because she's anti gay? Because she broke her contract and made appearances outside the pageant's approval? Because the wind blew open her b ... More >>
Blogs
June 12, 2009
Did Carrie Prejean's Firing Get Me Fired Up On Olbermann?
Last night, I went on Countdown With Keith Olbermann to discuss Carrie Prejean's dethroning, but don't believe the headline someone put on YouTube ("Musto Lament's Carrie Prejean's Firing.."). The truth is, while I DID point out Donald Trump's hypocrisies in suddenly turning against Carrie, I said ... More >>
Blogs
June 17, 2009
My Two Cents On The Letterman/Palin Feud
Embedded video from CNN Video Master comic David Letterman's badly fact-checked joke about Sarah Palin's daughter became big news this last week because Octomom hasn't gotten implanted in a few days and Carrie Prejean must have been muzzled for a while. And it's still showing signs of life. When I ... More >>
Blogs
June 29, 2009
What's Your Favorite Perez Hilton Scandal?
All in just the last few months, my spiritual godchild Perez Hilton landed in three massive controversies that have made him way more interesting a gossip subject than the people he blogs about. So what's your fave Perez scandal: *His asking Miss USA contestant Carrie Prejean about gay marriage, t ... More >>
Blogs
July 17, 2009
I End an Old Feud and Start a New One
A young gentleman approached me at Pieces bar the other night and we had a nice chat. It turned out he was Drago, the doorman at the bar XES, who famously denied me admission because I didn't have ID. Crazy or just doing his job with an exacting attention to detail? The latter, I'm so sure, and he w ... More >>
Blogs
September 15, 2009
Big Conservative Event to Take Place on Rosh Hashanah
Last week venerable conservative Norman Podhoretz wondered why Jews in America were "misguidedly loyal" to liberalism, when conservatism was so welcoming to the Chosen People. This led to endless debates and a pleasing irony: the arch-conservative Family Research Council, which also likes to ... More >>
Blogs
September 17, 2009
I Dished Sarah Palin With Olbermann
It's lovely to go on TV and rag on someone besides Carrie Prejean for a change. So last night, I appeared on Countdown With Keith Olbermann to discuss the wacky hype behind Sarah Palin's lucrative public appearances--the ones she stepped down from her silly little gubernatorial post to cash in on ... More >>
Blogs
September 18, 2009
Carrie Prejean at Values Voters: God Has "Bigger Crown for Me in Heaven" Than Trump Does
The Values Voters Summit -- held in liberal D.C. rather than in Branson, Missouri, for some reason -- kicked off this morning, and has already heard from former Miss California Carrie Prejean, whose remarks are characterized by a sympathetic Dakota Voice: "She said she was raised by parents w ... More >>
Blogs
October 20, 2009
Carrie Prejean is Countersued
Remember when dethroned Miss California Carrie Prejean sued the pageant organization for all kinds of not-very-pretty slander and discrimination issues? Well, nyah, nyah, nyah, they're suing her back! They say the tiara-challenged beauty's suit was merely a cheesy attempt to "extend her noto ... More >>
Blogs
October 21, 2009
Olbermann and I Discuss Balloon Boy...
...and balloon girl Carrie Prejean, ba dum pum! Yes, in a riveting, panoramic segment on MSNBC's Countdown With Keith Olbermann last night, we talked about that zany little balloon boy and why his dad once commissioned TV theme songs that sound like the Beverly Hillbillies tune on extra mooonshin ... More >>
Blogs
November 6, 2009
Will New York Get Gay Marriage?
In the wake of the Maine horror, there's been some way more appealing news. Governor David Paterson is including marriage equality in the sweeping November 10 session he is calling for, bringing gay marriage before the State Senate for approval! Or at least he will if no one blocks it, as th ... More >>
Blogs
November 12, 2009
Bad News For Carrie Prejean
The new I'm-a-victim book by dethroned beauty queen Carrie Prejean might play well in the hinterlands (though it was ranked #595 on Amazon last time I looked), but In New York it's not exactly getting a royal treatment. In fact, I dropped by the Lincoln Center area Barnes & Noble yesterday t ... More >>
Blogs
November 13, 2009
Olbermann and I Discuss Prejean's Latest Hijinx
In an already legendary fit, Carrie Prejean took her mic off and waltzed off the set on Larry King Live the other night, upset about Larry's questioning and the fact that he was allowing call-ins whereas she'd supposedly made a deal forbidding that to happen.
Blogs
November 16, 2009
Carrie Prejean Has 30 Nude Photos and Eight "Sex" Tapes!!
It seems that every few weeks, a new scandal from bible thumping hypocrite Carrie Prejean comes to the public's attention, and the deposed beauty-queen-turned-professional-victim declares, "That was the biggest mistake of my life" blah blah fucking blah. But what she really means is "That wa ... More >>
Blogs
November 18, 2009
Aggregating the Aggregators
Today's hot hot stories, brought to you by the blurb jockeys at America's sexiest news sources! Huffington Post: The 18 Biggest lies of Palin's book. Some Hemingway filly is topless. Levi Johnston's hairy armpit. Teabagger party turns violent. Jessica Alba pats herself on the back. Costco s ... More >>
News
December 29, 2009
Michael Musto's Top Three Top Ten Lists, Because Why Not?
Today's hot hot stories, brought to you by the blurb jockeys at America's sexiest news sources! Huffington Post: The 18 Biggest lies of Palin's book. Some Hemingway filly is topless. Levi Johnston's hairy armpit. Teabagger party turns violent. Jessica Alba pats herself on the back. Costco s ... More >>
Blogs
December 30, 2009
At Last! My Essay on the End of the Decade!
CLICK HERE to enjoy my stunning cover essay looking back on the aughts, which trenchantly details the economic downslides, rabid terrorism, gay marriage setbacks, and Britney Spears records that made us run for our lives.
Blogs
January 7, 2010
Big Day for Gay Marriage from Jersey to D.C. to San Francisco
It's a big day for gay marriage across the nation. In San Francisco, Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker has ruled that a potential legal revolution to overturn Prop 8 will not be televised live, though it will be YouTubed. The judge will preside over the federal trial, Perry v. Schwarze ... More >>
Blogs
April 19, 2010
Is Larry King Actually Sexy?
I never thought of Larry King as that much of a hottie before, but with all the gossip hitting the tabs, he turns out to be the biggest Hollywood player since George Hamilton! The suspendered crypt keeper-lookalike is actually a raging ladies man who allegedly cheated on wifey with her young ... More >>
Blogs
May 17, 2010
Liberal Beauty Contestant Wins Miss USA
Last night's Miss USA pageant obviously picked up some pointers from last year's contest, when they wisely only made Carrie Prejean a runner-up. Had the moralizing strumpet won the top prize, she would have disgraced the entire organization with the nudie photos surfacing by the Scores--I me ... More >>
Blogs
October 5, 2010
Anti-Bullying Hypocrisy!
That's what I was accused of by a Facebook friend. He wrote, "So I hear you're going to be in an anti-bullying video. But aren't you the one who bullied and maligned Carrie Prejean?"
Blogs
October 25, 2010
"Freedom of Speech" Doesn't Factor Into The Juan Williams Firing
As you know, Juan Williams was recently fired by NPR for saying (among other things) on Fox TV that he gets scared when he sees Muslims on a flight he's on. "But what about freedom of speech?" shout the right-wing naysayers--the type that usally don't believe in freedom of speech at all. Bu ... More >>
Blogs
January 23, 2011
Keith Olbermann, Thank You!
For more than six years, I was a regular on your show, and from the start I felt we had a way more comfortable rapport than, let's say, Spitzer and whatshername. As we chewed over topics from Tom Cruise's love life to Sarah Palin's family values and beyond, I'd say impishly outrageous things ... More >>
Blogs
February 11, 2011
The Eight Funniest Things I Said To Keith Olbermann
As Keith Olbermann prepares to move to Current TV, let's reminisce about the naughty things I used to say to him on air--utterances that would make him simultaneously blush and egg me on. Here are the cutest/bawdiest:
More >>

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