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Columns
May 23, 2012
Help! Show Biz Careers Can't Be Killed Anymore!
Just when you think they're done, they're back!
Blogs
December 23, 2011
Keith Olbermann And I Dish Half-Naked Republicans!
Vanity Fair has posted a hilarious mock calendar of various Repuglicans in various states of undress. (At least I think they're fake photos. The Repugs' real nudie spreads are no doubt buried somewhere deep inside their cell phones.)
Blogs
December 20, 2011
May The Holidays Bring....
*A toast to Marcus Bachmann: "Bottoms up!" *Lindsay Lohan living behind bars instead of dancing on top of them. *Mothers who keep tiaras off their toddlers.
Blogs
October 27, 2011
Hollywood Whores Audition Notice: Let's Cast It
Kirstie Alley may be coming to Broadway in a Lance Bass-produced play called The Fabulous Lies of Hollywood Whores, according to the Times' Patrick Healy. If everything works out, Kirstie would play "the Pimp," a lady with an upscale escort service that's run out of a department store, but h ... More >>
Blogs
October 19, 2011
Drunkorexia: The New Not Eating Is Drinking
Experts have identified the latest phenomenon affecting "thousands of women," and it has quite the catchy name. One part binge-drinking and one part anorexia, it is...drunkorexia. Bent on "staying slim" and getting drunk as quickly as possible (and spending money on booze rather than food) on ... More >>
Blogs
August 8, 2011
My Book Is Available For Ordering
My newest book, Fork on the Left, Knife in The Back, has an official pub date of September 1, but one of my millions of fans (shut up) has alerted me to the fact that it's available on Amazon and in fact she was just told her copy shipped right away. It's a preemie baby, and such a cutie!
Blogs
May 26, 2011
The "Failing Upward" Syndrome Is Finally Failing Downward
For years, pop tarts and other messy celebrities would get bigger every time they screwed up in public. Their travails with the law garnered them huge coverage and only seemed to increase their career visibility, a bizarre result of what we call "failing upward." But finally that trend has ... More >>
Blogs
April 23, 2011
Lindsay Lohan Sentenced to Jail; New York to Allow Conjugal Visits for Gay Inmates
Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 100 days in jail yesterday for violating her drunk driving probation. She was held in custody for five hours before being sprung out of jail on a $75,000 bail (no indication of any Dog the Bounty Hunter involvement). LiLo is free for now while her lawyer appeals the ... More >>
Voice Choices
April 20, 2011
LIVIN’ LA VIDA LOHAN
Lindsay’s mother better not sue!
Blogs
March 31, 2011
Hot Gossip Topics: Natalie Portman's Dancing, Lindsay's Name, Liz's Will....
They all came up at Daniel Nardicio's "Sh*t Show" last night at Bowery Poetry Club, where I gleefully addressed them all as a gossipy guest star. Here are the topics, followed by my educated stabs at responses to them: 1--Natalie Portman didn't do most of her dancing in 'Black Swan', accor ... More >>
Blogs
March 25, 2011
Lindsay Lohan to Pull a Prince, Drop the "Lohan"
When push comes to shove, we really don't care whether Paris Hilton calls herself Paris or Farthead, whether Madonna has one name or two, or whether Prince calls himself by an actual name or chooses to go by a symbol. Nor do we care much about Lindsay Lohan, but she seems to think differently ... More >>
Blogs
February 25, 2011
Show Biz Is The Worst! Hear Me Out
Yes, I know that every breathing creature on earth dreams of a life in show biz, but trust me: It's hell in a handbasket. Once you enter into "the biz," there's no stability, zero security, and incomplete satisfaction. Unlike most professions, the life of an actor is a job-by-job existenc ... More >>
Blogs
February 16, 2011
Lindsay Lohan Says She Won't Be on David Letterman, Has No Idea How This Happened
LiLo in 2007, via Jeffrey R. Staab/CBS/TV GuideYesterday it was reported by various sources, including the New York Times, that Lindsay Lohan -- fresh out of rehab, in the midst of new legal troubles -- would be appearing on David Letterman on Thursday to read the night's Top 10 list. CBS the ... More >>
Blogs
February 10, 2011
I Know Why Lindsay Stole
Lindsay Lohan's defense arguments in the matter of her allegedly stealing a necklace from a gem dealer are pretty lame. "It was a loan," her people swore. But then there would have been some signed agreement to that effect, wouldn't there? Or at least an oral agreement? "She already has lot ... More >>
Blogs
February 10, 2011
Lindsay Lohan Is Being Treated Like a Common Criminal [VIDEO]
Lindsay Lohan appeared in court today and the New York Post called her "sexed-up." Sexed up? She was just wearing a skintight $575 Kimberly Ovitz dress in virginal white, for Pete's sake! This is a huge indicator of how her terrible day went. All Lindsay wanted to do was show up to court (wit ... More >>
Blogs
January 3, 2011
Lindsay Lohan Has Become a Walking Hallmark Card
Watch out, David Arquette. Rehab turns celebrities into greeting cards! As Page Six reports, Lindsay Lohan is leaving the Betty Ford clinic with a spiritual attitude, if not a bottle of gin. And she's done this while looking up to a very holy icon known for being super skinny--no, not Kate ... More >>
Blogs
December 15, 2010
Was Lindsay Lohan a Victim of the Great Gawker Hack/Twitter Spam Campaign of 2010?
Celebrities, getting hacked just like us! Unless Lindsay Lohan is tweeting out 50% discounts these days while in rehab at Betty Ford. But, it could be worse...like, acai berry worse. Lindsay -- use this widget to see if your Gawker password was hacked! The last legit-seeming Lindsay Lohan tw ... More >>
Blogs
November 21, 2010
Lindsay Lohan Dropped as Porn Star Linda Lovelace
Lindsay Lohan's big, serious comeback as an actress -- playing porn star Linda Lovelace in the gritty drama Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story -- has been cancelled, according to Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood. The much-hyped project will now star up-and-comer Malin Akerman (Watchmen, 27 Dress ... More >>
Blogs
October 22, 2010
CMJ Day Three: The Blow and the Screaming Females Conquer All
Teen Daze really looks like this.Teen Daze Pianos Thursday, October 21 The Blow and the Screaming Females Music Hall of Williamsburg Thursday, October 21 Better than: Trying to find the next big thing. "Sometimes I feel like when I do the moves," the Blow's Khaela Maricich says toward the ... More >>
Blogs
October 22, 2010
Judge Has Mercy on Lindsay Lohan After She Shows Up for Hearing in Toyota Minivan
Well, Lindsay Lohan had her court date today, to which she actually showed up early in a Toyota minivan instead of an Escalade, and the highly anticipated answer to whether she'd be sent back to rehab or to prison is...back to rehab! Those of you who guessed correctly, please use the nearest ... More >>
Blogs
September 27, 2010
I Don't Care About Lindsay Anymore
I haven't written about Lindsay Lohan's ins and outs of rehab and jail because I don't give a flying f-word anymore. I'm so tragically uninterested in her plight these days (except to wear a "Why?" T-shirt in a fashion show) that I can barely summon the energy to write this post about how I ... More >>
Blogs
September 25, 2010
Free Lindsay Lohan: Someone Pulls Some Strings, Actress Goes Free on Bail
Lindsay Lohan is free once again. But to rewind: In the last few weeks, Lindsay Lohan failed two court-ordered drug tests, showing either an amazing amount of gall or demonstrating the intensity of a horrible disease. Probably both. As punishment, on Friday morning a judge ordered her directl ... More >>
Blogs
September 24, 2010
Update: Lindsay Lohan Back in Jail for Failing Two Drug Tests
Update: Despite doubts that Lindsay Lohan would be sent immediately to jail at her hearing today, that's exactly what happened. Judge Elden Fox ordered her held there without bail until her next court date of October 22 (almost 30 days if she is indeed there the entire time), and per CNN, "sh ... More >>
Blogs
September 18, 2010
TMZ Wins Again: Media Lessons in Lindsay Lohan and Her 'Regrettably' Failed Drug Test
And now, for three things we already knew: 1) Lindsay Lohan failed a drug test last week. You know already because TMZ reported it on Friday afternoon, exclusively, though the D.A. said they had not yet been notified of the results of the test. Which brings us to two more things we already k ... More >>
Blogs
September 3, 2010
Does Lindsay Lohan Have It Out for Babies in Strollers Now?
Alleged baby allegedly hit by Lindsay's Maserati, via RadarOnlineLindsay Lohan's trail of misfortune continues, if primarily in the gossip tabs. According to RadarOnline, two onlookers (only one of whom was named) saw her clip a stroller holding a baby with her Maserati in West Hollywood on W ... More >>
Blogs
July 29, 2010
Michael Lohan Releases Daddy Ballad for Incarcerated Lindsay
Happier times, maybe.We usually leave the music criticism to our friends at Sound of the City, but in this case, the so-called music is so devastating as to be actually rather newsy, and certainly devastating enough to merit a word from us. Michael Lohan, Lindsay's occasionally trying-to-be-a ... More >>
Voice Choices
July 27, 2010
Corinne Bailey Rae
Happier times, maybe.We usually leave the music criticism to our friends at Sound of the City, but in this case, the so-called music is so devastating as to be actually rather newsy, and certainly devastating enough to merit a word from us. Michael Lohan, Lindsay's occasionally trying-to-be-a ... More >>
Blogs
July 23, 2010
Is Taylor Momsen the Next Lindsay Lohan?
She smokes and curses. She's bored with men and likes her vibrator. She says she wants to be the next Kurt Cobain. I think she's great! (Except for the smoking.) But the linked abcnews.com article discusses whether Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen might be hinting at behavior that could make her ... More >>
Blogs
July 22, 2010
Let's All Stop Giving a Shit About What Lindsay Lohan is Doing in Jail
Yes, yes, we know we ran two stories about LiLo in jail yesterday. But the Daily Beast published a piece today by librarian Avi Steinberg entitled "Lindsay Lohan's Jailhouse Reading List," and suddenly we knew it had happened: We'd hit our Lohan saturation point. The list comprises four books ... More >>
Blogs
July 21, 2010
Lindsay Lohan Will Use Off-Brand Deodorant in Jail, and Other Media Speculations
Lindsay Lohan is in the big house (see: clink, slammer) for the next couple weeks. Question is, what the heck is she gonna do in there? And how is she feeling? Many people, it seems, are devoting a lot of mental energy to these very important questions. Everyone agrees that Lindsay will be mo ... More >>
Blogs
July 21, 2010
Lindsay Lohan Wants Your Jail Mail!
Earlier today, we compiled a list of media speculations about what jail life is like for Lindsay Lohan -- using no-name deodorant, talking to the vent, watching the local news. Now, we have our own speculation: Lindsay is probably reading and writing letters, just like Amanda Knox and other s ... More >>
Blogs
July 9, 2010
Assaulter of Three Gay Men Only Gets 45 Days in Jail!
You heard me. Driton Nicaj attacked Joe Holladay on the Upper East Side last year and used the word "faggot," though a judge somehow pooh-poohed the hate crime angle.
Blogs
July 8, 2010
Why Does Andrea Peyser Hate Lindsay Lohan So Much?
Have you heard of Andrea Peyser? She's a "columnist" person for the New York Post, and she likes to get all up in people's business, especially, for some reason, if they're women more attractive than her (Ooh, we said it). At any rate, she's got quite the mouthful for LiLo today about her nai ... More >>
Blogs
July 6, 2010
Lindsay Lohan Headed For 90-Day Stints in Jail and Rehab
Lindsay Lohan was sentenced this afternoon to jail for violating her probation. When she failed to show up for her court-ordered alcohol education classes, Judge Marsha Revel gave her 90 days in the big house, plus another 90 days of rehab. Can't say we didn't see this coming.
Blogs
June 18, 2010
Carvel Ice Cream Stands Up To Lindsay Lohan's Unappetizing Family
Carvel giveth, and Carvel taketh away.We don't normally concern ourselves with the extremely unappetizing antics of Lindsay Lohan and her kin, but this is kind of funny: it seems that the Lohan clan has been abusing the so-called Carvel Black Card that the ice cream chain gave to Lindsay and ... More >>
Blogs
June 17, 2010
Are All Celebs Compensating For Bad Childhoods?
You know the drill: A child has self-aggrandizing parents (Lindsay Lohan) or a demeaning mother (Barbra Streisand) or an abusive father (Michael Jackson) or tons of distracting siblings (Madonna), and it's because of all that Freudian jazz--whether directly or indirectly--that the child ends ... More >>
Blogs
June 11, 2010
Lindsay Lohan's (High-Tech, Amazingly Smart) SCRAM Bracelet Has Its Own Twitter Page
via People.comAll of this recent news about Lindsay Lohan's SCRAM bracelet possibly outing her as an unreformed boozebag made us wonder about the SCRAM (Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor) itself. How does it know the difference between spilled alcohol and alcohol that exits through the ... More >>
Blogs
June 4, 2010
A Valley of the Dolls Photo Totem Pole
This glamorous cautionary montage courtesy of Beauregard Houston-Montgomery lines up some of the most hallucinogenic images from 1967's three-gals-on-a-rampage romp for a stunning pole of horror that we can simultaneously laugh and gasp at while Lindsay Lohan sucks it up and learns her place ... More >>
Blogs
February 11, 2010
Lindsay Lohan is Hosting a Pool Party!
Lindsay Lohan's career might have hit a bit of a snag, but her partying hasn't. And now she's geting paid for it! On Saturday February 20, Lindsay is making a special appearance at the event called Pool After Dark at Harrah's casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Blogs
December 8, 2009
Lindsay Lohan Nude Comeback Improved with Simulated Sex
We thought Lindsay Lohan had retired from show business or taken an extended break to go to Yale like Jodie Foster, but here she is in a Muse magazine photo shoot, not only appearing topless but in some cases pretending to be in flagrante. At least we think she's pretending; we'll have to wait for ... More >>
Blogs
June 29, 2009
A Half-Naked Lindsay Lohan Salutes Michael Jackson
We're gonna go ahead and put this in the "too soon" category, along with that 20 Michael Jackson Jokes post on Street Carnage and the weekend's endless crop of mostly terrible MJ tributes. But you may feel differently. [Lindsay Lohan via Vulture]
Blogs
May 5, 2009
Why Do Gay Guys Look Like Their Boyfriends?
This may be a gross stereotype, but more often than not, I've had friends introduce me to their boyfriends and become aghast at the fact that they look like identical twins! Surely this phenomenon is done via some kind of split-screen special effect, because what I'm loooking at in these cases is li ... More >>
Voice Choices
March 11, 2009
Butch Walker
This may be a gross stereotype, but more often than not, I've had friends introduce me to their boyfriends and become aghast at the fact that they look like identical twins! Surely this phenomenon is done via some kind of split-screen special effect, because what I'm loooking at in these cases is li ... More >>
Blogs
May 9, 2008
News of the Obvious: Fast Cars and Crazy Stars
This may be a gross stereotype, but more often than not, I've had friends introduce me to their boyfriends and become aghast at the fact that they look like identical twins! Surely this phenomenon is done via some kind of split-screen special effect, because what I'm loooking at in these cases is li ... More >>
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