Skin Care

Hand Cream

Behold, the Martin "Loofah" King Exfoliating Glove!

"I have a clean...and so can you, for just $6.92!"​Have you been searching high and low for that "fantastic novelty house warming gift," as Amazon.com puts it? Have you been dreaming of a way to make it so that your "skin appears always fresh," while scrubbing your ass with the face of the man ... More >>

Hand Cream

"I have a clean...and so can you, for just $6.92!"​Have you been searching high and low for that "fantastic novelty house warming gift," as Amazon.com puts it? Have you been dreaming of a way to make it so that your "skin appears always fresh," while scrubbing your ass with the face of the man ... More >>

Hand Cream

"I have a clean...and so can you, for just $6.92!"​Have you been searching high and low for that "fantastic novelty house warming gift," as Amazon.com puts it? Have you been dreaming of a way to make it so that your "skin appears always fresh," while scrubbing your ass with the face of the man ... More >>

Semi Precious Weapons

"I have a clean...and so can you, for just $6.92!"​Have you been searching high and low for that "fantastic novelty house warming gift," as Amazon.com puts it? Have you been dreaming of a way to make it so that your "skin appears always fresh," while scrubbing your ass with the face of the man ... More >>

My Morning Beauty Regimen Revealed At Last

​Not that you asked, but I splash warm water on my face, then generously rub St. Ives apricot facial scrub all over it as if it were a golden shower from heaven. Fifteen fame-making minutes later, I shower it off, using the extremely pure and unscented Basis soap in tandem with Nivea face was ... More >>

No Blog This Week!

Sorry, kittens, but occasionally Mama needs to be taken apart and put back together again, and this just happens to be one of those times. It's a vacation week, and I need to spend it with crushed walnuts on my face and no computer for miles. But there WILL be a column this Wednesday (I wrote it be ... More >>

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