Susan Boyle

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2013

    I Was So Good On CNN Yesterday

    Pungent and informative and so cute I wanted to pinch my cheeks through the screen when I got home and watched it. On CNN International, I was the featured guest brought on to prognosticate about the Oscar nominations, which are coming this Thursday like a whole other Christmas morning.

  • Blogs

    January 2, 2013

    Photos Of Me As Donald Trump, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian...

    ...Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan, Snooki, Johnny Depp, Susan Boyle, John Galliano, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Lady Gaga... Virtually everyone who's ever lived. They're all linked here to bring you back to the time before I was dressed as Angelina Jolie, Clint Eastwood ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 14, 2012

    Simon Cowell Had A Breakdown

    And you might well respond, "Well, he's given plenty of singers breakdowns with his harsh commentary!" But that wouldn't be very compassionate, would it? A far nicer approach would be to realize that the pressure of working on X Factor has been enormous, and at the start of the summer, when Simon ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 26, 2011

    Urlesque Bids Us a Sad Farewell With a Meme-Packed Video

    Urlesque is officially closing up shop today. In an appropriate goodbye post, Jason Newman strung together the most popular memes of the last three years into a video backed by "The End of The Road" by Boyz II Men. Can you identify all of the memes in the video? Don't worry, we've got you covered wi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 5, 2011

    Meet Bobby, The Middle-Aged Celebrity

    ​As a kid, he was raped by hundreds, maybe thousands of priests, even though he's Jewish. After being fired from a job playing opposite Zippy the chimp and ending up subsisting on old pizza crusts and Fresca, he started feeling, "The glass is a third full. That leaves room for disappointment. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 21, 2011

    American Idol Season 10: Comfortably Banal Down In "N'awlins"

    Way less of dudes like this, at least. Photo by Michael Becker/FOX.​Tonight's American Idol starts off with two bits of welcome news. First off, Bones is on tonight. That means Idol is only an hour long and I don't have to wait all goddamn night to watch Community. (They dressed Malcolm Jamal- ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 21, 2010

    The Top 10 Christmas Albums Of 2010

    No.​Ah, another shitty year is ending, and we find ourselves trying to buy our way out of it with Christmas presents while struggling to block out the same old endless stream of yuletide muzak. Luckily, there's always a few notable holiday-album standouts to break the tedium, this year includi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 15, 2010

    After Only Three Weeks, Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Is Out of the Top 10--What Happened?

    Four weeks ago, Kanye West stood on a Bowery Ballroom stage and, in a far ranging and now thoroughly documented speech, cited "perfect scores across the board" for his album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and made an ill-advised prediction: "To be slated to do 600,000 in the first week--and I ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 10, 2010

    Jenn Sterger Really Doesn't Want to Sue Brett Favre; Royals Attacked!; Jim Morrison Gets Posthumous Pardon

    ​• Jenn Sterger, who allegedly received photos of Brett Favre's penis by text, would simply like him to be punished, and won't sue if the NFL will "implement a program" to prevent such unwanted advances as those she faced by cell phone. Oh, honey. These are professional athletes we're talkin ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 10, 2010

    Week In Review: Stop Looking At My Moms

    ​In the week we continued counting down the worst songs of 2010, noting atrocities from Susan Boyle, Liz Phair, Christina Aguilera, Jackyl, and NeverShoutNever, and Die Antwoord, we also began our overall year in review, listing the 10 biggest music stories of 2010, our 10 favorite concerts, t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 6, 2010

    The 20 Worst Songs of 2010, #15: Susan Boyle, "Hallelujah"

    F2K10 is a countdown of the 20 worst songs of 2010. Track our progress here. ​Leonard Cohen's ode to sex and music theory "Hallelujah" reached a certain saturation point this year--there was a moment when it seemed like there would be one overwrought cover of the track appearing on TV per mon ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 3, 2010

    Week in Review: Who's Your Daddy?

    ​In the week we began our countdown of the 20 worst songs of 2010, we celebrated by mocking efforts from the Far East Movement, Ringo Starr, Godsmack, Trade Martin, and Lil Wayne. Where will Susan Boyle fall? Tune in next week and suffer more abuse until you find out.

  • Voice Choices

    November 17, 2010
  • Blogs

    September 10, 2010

    Week in Review: Welcome to the Ultimate Vacation

    Last one of these, we swear. Photo by Nate "Igor" Smith​In the week we got real cozy with some our subjects, Camille Dodero spent four days at the Gathering of the Juggalos and came back best friends with Tom Green, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope (who say it's happening again next year), the worl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 9, 2010

    Top Five Even Less Appropriate Lou Reed Songs For Susan Boyle To Sing

    Maybe like an a capella vocal-loop thing, I don't know​So Lou Reed has straight-up cockblocked Susan Boyle's attempt to sing his "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent, apparently sending the reality-TV songstress back to England in tears. Explanation: "A source said Reed's reason for the last- ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 18, 2010

    Eminem Is Back At #1, But Arcade Fire Still Have the Second Most Popular Record in the Country

    Yeah, so their sales got cut in half and they only retained the #2 spot by the grace of one of the slowest release weeks in the entire year--but Arcade Fire are still mostly on top! (On top of the Disney Channel's Camp Rock 2: the Final Jam, but whatever.) The indie band sold 52,000 copies their s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 11, 2010

    What This Year's Bizarre Chart Results (Arcade Fire! #1!) Say About the State of Music in 2010

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!​If the band Spoon can be trusted, then Billboard is about to announce (and here we are!) that the Arcade Fire and their label, Merge, have the #1 record in the country. (They've already done it in the UK.) The Suburbs sold 156,000 copies its first week out, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 30, 2010

    Steven Daigle is Doing More Porn!

    ​Big Brother star Steven Daigle is showing his daigle again. The Big Brother personality, who went on to make the immortal Steven Daigle XXXposed, is shooting Kings of New York, a Michael Lucas epic in which you'll undoubtedly see even more of his big brother. Goshers, it used to be porn sta ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 16, 2010

    Can't Get a Date? Stop Watching the News

    Hey, all you single gals! Finding it hard to get a date in the city? Tired of spending lonely nights weeping into your Chubby Hubby ice cream (so harsh, that name!) watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (there are two, you know) and confabbing with your gal pals about whether you're actually an ... More >>

  • Columns

    April 13, 2010

    Is Elvis Rolling in his Grave?

    The Addams Family: ghoulish turns into goulash. Get it?At least other nightlife isn't such torture.

  • Blogs

    February 18, 2010

    On Sade and the Virtues of Scarcity

    Sade, hiding. Photo courtesy ThinkTank Marketing.​This week's album charts were topped by Sade's Soldier Of Love, the smoky soul singer's sixth full-length and first since 2000's Lovers Rock. Soldier accomplished the rarer-than-ever feat of going gold in its first week of release, selling 502, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 4, 2010

    Alright, Let's Deal With This Star-Studded Haiti-Benefit "Everybody Hurts" Debacle

    Here we have the gala Simon Cowell-produced R.E.M. cover, starring Susan Boyle, Mariah Carey, Michael Buble, Leona Lewis, Rod Stewart, and a gaggle of not-as-famous people. Not a good look. I don't have any problems until James Blunt shows up, and no major problems until Jon Bon Jovi starts howli ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 3, 2010

    The Grammys Work: Lady Antebellum's Need You Now Is #1; Lady Gaga Is Back at #3

    ​All bands should be so lucky as to play the Grammys the week their record hits shelves. For instance: charmingly trite, light country trio Lady Antebellum, who just sold 481,000 fucking copies of their sophomore record, Need You Now. Those are Susan Boyle numbers. Extra bonus scorched earth p ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2010

    It's Official, World: Vampire Weekend's Contra Is America's #1 Record

    ​Certainly a victory for something or other, one would sort of have to think. Contra sold 120,000 copies on its way to topping the charts, only the 12th time a nominally indie-distributed record has gone #1 since 1991, according to Billboard. (Sorry Ke$ha. Your reign on the top was short like ... More >>

  • Music

    January 19, 2010

    Yes, I 'Actually' Like It

    More music to love, loathe, fear, and tragically fail to avoid

  • Blogs

    January 15, 2010

    Week in Review: An Extra Side of Arrogance

    R.I.P. Jay Reatard. Photo by Rebecca Smeyne.​In the week our American Idol recapper made it all the way to the BBC for calling Victoria Beckham's face "too crazy", we also tossed epithets in the direction of the Times, in solidarity with M.I.A., and toward Esquire, who this week were forced to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 14, 2010

    Drag Queens Need To Update Their Acts

    ​I love drag queens more than life itself, and I appreciate the timeless appeal of their Bette Davis, Marilyn Monroe, and Eartha Kitt impressions. It's important to keep those amazing legends alive! But if these impersonators don't mix it up and start updating their acts a little, they're goi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2010

    Ke$ha Takes Out Susan Boyle (Finally!), Claims the #1 Spot

    ​It took six weeks and over 3 million records sold, but Susan Boyle has finally bowed out of the #1 spot. Please welcome your new chart overlord, Ke$ha. Her Animal moved a modest 152,000 copies, good enough to rule an early January slate. In pointed contrast to Boyle's defiantly non-tech savvy ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2010

    Vampire Weekend May Very Well Have the #1 Album In The Country Next Week

    ​So says Billboard, who we consider credible on this topic. Maura notes that a January release date surely helps, and just now Ke$ha did the grunt work of knocking off Susan Boyle. But still: Vampire Weekend. #1. In a land beyond the Internet. Haters intent on preventing this had better go buy ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 8, 2010

    The Susan Boyle of Salsa!

    She's older than Susan Boyle. Heck, she's even older than Mayor Bloomberg.

  • Blogs

    January 8, 2010

    Week in Review: Let Us Soak in Positive Forces

    New Year's idea, basically. Photo by Rebecca Smeyne.​In the week we learned that Animal Collective's manager is apparently endowed with a baby leg, in the one dark place where that would be a meaningful statement, we did our best to otherwise cleanse the ol' SOTC soul, apologizing to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2010

    America Opts For Taylor Swift Over Susan Boyle By a Terrifyingly Thin 113,000 Record Margin

    Better luck next year, Michael-Musto-as-Susan-Boyle. Photo by Chad Griffith​It's official--singer-to-the-olds Susan Boyle, despite a fearsome late run, didn't quite overcome Taylor Swift for the 2009 sales crown. The final tally? 3,216,000 for Fearless, 3,103,000 for I Dreamed A Dream. Boyle d ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 5, 2010

    Ever See a Reality Show Moment That Seemed Real?

    ​The term "reality show" has always seemed to me to be an oxymoron, sort of like "army intelligence" or "L.A. style." Every moment of any reality show I've ever seen (except for the ones I've been on, naturally) has seemed scripted, rehearsed, and played to the camera, as ALL series televisio ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2010

    Read My Review of the Decade Again! Please!

    ​Now that we've had three whole days since the aughties ended, we can look back at the decade with a whole new wisdom and perspective. Which is all the more reason you should CLICK HERE and once again soak in my essay summing up that era's most historic events, from 9-11 to an even bigger hor ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2009

    This Week in the Voice

    ​Eek, it 's Michael Musto, in a series of glamorous guises (we're not showing his Susan Boyle because we want you to prepare yourself first) and Running Down the Decade like it's never been run down before. (He also gets in not one, but three Top Tens. What a trouper!) Francis Davis presi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2009

    Buy 175,000 More Copies of Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream and Win A Free Punch in the Face from Taylor Swift

    How convenient that Michael Musto decided to dress up as Susan Boyle this week. Photo by Chad Griffith.​Or something like that. For the fifth, face-obliterating week, the UK siren Susan Boyle is #1 on our charts, selling 510,000 records this week, and 2,982,000 overall--proof if there was ever ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2009

    At Last! My Essay on the End of the Decade!

    ​CLICK HERE to enjoy my stunning cover essay looking back on the aughts, which trenchantly details the economic downslides, rabid terrorism, gay marriage setbacks, and Britney Spears records that made us run for our lives.

  • Blogs

    December 23, 2009

    Susan Boyle Now Making a Run at Taylor Swift for 2009's #1 in Sales

    Because we just couldn't look at that Boyle record again​Yes that's right America, you've purchased a whopping 2,465,000 copies of Susan Boyle's I Dreamed A Dream in just four short weeks. How close is that to Taylor Swift, industry darling and seemingly uncontested 2009 sales titan? Pretty cl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 16, 2009

    Hey, Gucci Mane's The State Vs. Radric Davis Is #10 in the Country!

    ​He's no Susan Boyle (#1 for the third straight world beating week, for a grand old-people-still-buy-records total of 1.8 million copies of I Dreamed a Dream sold), but Gucci Mane does have his first top ten record. He sold 90,000--not quite Jadakiss numbers, but better than being the Clipse, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 4, 2009

    Week in Review: Humming and Ready to Take Us On a Golden Ride Way Out Somewhere in the Yonder

    ​In the week we learned to our deep and lasting dismay what a Gummibar is, we counted down the worst songs of the '00s with the newly relocated F2K crew--peruse if you dare but do not blame us when you come in contact with something like "I Am Your Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song)," or are ina ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 2, 2009

    Susan Boyle Is the New Eminem

    ​And so the 2009 Taylor Swift Memorial Award for single-handedly saving the record industry goes to Susan Boyle, who last week sold north of 700,000 copies of her debut, I Dreamed a Dream. Boyle easily racked up the year's best sales week and the runner-up, Eminem's 600K-selling Relapse, ain't ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 18, 2009

    Denis Leary on Susan Boyle, Jon & Kate, and Heidi and Spencer

    Way before the current batch of bullet-spitting comics, Denis Leary was emitting blistering barbs in between puffs of a cig, as everyone laughed while covering their heads. And he's still at it. Check out this interview, where the Rescue Me star goes after Susan Boyle:

  • Blogs

    June 5, 2009

    Eleven Reality Show Suicides on Record!

    I usually want to kill myself when I'm forced to watch a reality show, but according to this article, it's the people involved in them who actually commit suicide. The piece counts no less than 11 reality show performers--or wannabes or rejects--who did themselves in, victims of the hideous fame gam ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 1, 2009

    How Long Before The Inevitable Adam Lambert-Susan Boyle Duet?

    Christian LessenichAs the attached editorial reminds us, both Adam Lambert and Susan Boyle were supposed to win their respective televised talent contests, but both were sent packing (Boyle, sadly enough, to a hospital, where they can detox the fame right out of her while scrubbing the f-word out of ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 26, 2009

    Gay American Idol Stars Brawl!

    Was it really good for the gay cause last week when Clay Aiken--himself a rouged runner up on American Idol--blogged that the latest second-placer, Adam Lambert, sounded "contrived, awful, and frightening" in a clip he saw of Lambert singing "Ring of Fire"? Didn't that highlight the worst kind of ga ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 7, 2009

    The Worst Piano Bar Songs in History!

    "Suddenly Seymour". I actually adore this song (though I've never felt Audrey would be comfortable with words like "condescend"), but I can't stand hearing it one more time, especially as sung by overly loud duos consisting of a fat girl and a goofy gay. Enough! "All That Jazz". I've seen so many g ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 22, 2009

    Adam Lambert. Discuss.

    Doesn't he look like a really pretty lesbian? Can he really sing or just belt? Do you prefer the softer Adam ("Tracks of My Tears") or the more rockin'-out Adam ("Born To Be Wild")? Can we forgive his musical-theater background? Will his career soar higher than Sunjaya's? Will he duet with Susa ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2009

    I Discussed Gay Marriage on Olbermann

    Visit for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy Last night, I was on MSNBC's Countdown With Keith Olbermann and talked with substitute host David Shuster about that Miss USA contestant's remarks about gay marriage and Rudy Giuliani's too, linking them both in ignominy. Ab ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2009

    Mr. Gay Philadelphia Has Been Crowned!

    I just got back from Philly and boy are my arms tired! My tongue too, from it constantly dropping to the floor over the assortment of sizzling meat parading onstage for the Mr. Gay Philadelphia Pageant, which I gleefully judged along with other Gotham gays like Mickey Boardman and Will Wikle. Repre ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 16, 2009

    The Susan Boyle Phenomenon Is Already Getting Old

    One of the week's most clicked clips was that of Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old frump who rocked out on Britain's Got Talent and wowed the smirks off the skeptical judges' faces. But as someone who knows about the inner workings of TV, can I just say how phony the whole thing came off? In fact, the on ... More >>

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