A Ghastly Gallery of Green Bagels

The mottled and scrofulous exterior of this green monstrosity is enough to put you off your feed.
The mottled and scrofulous exterior of this green monstrosity is enough to put you off your feed.
JeffreyWiden/Flickr

Let's face it: Culinarily, apart from soda bread and maybe corned beef and cabbage, St. Patty's Day is a horrible holiday. And the only thing worse than green lager beer is green bagels.

The artificial color is unappetizing in the extreme -- like a severed limb suffering from gangrene. Even if you munch it with closed eyes, your mouth and then your stomach seems to sense the unlawful greenness. So, in the spirit of confronting our fears, here is a gallery of green bagels.

Celebrating the banishment of snakes from Ireland?
Celebrating the banishment of snakes from Ireland?
good-times.webshots.com
Not from the Emerald Isle.
Not from the Emerald Isle.
grub.gunaxin.com
This hapless baker should be wearing a hazmat suit.
This hapless baker should be wearing a hazmat suit.
itn.co.uk
Somehow we're not surprised to find arch-buffoon Marty Markowitz relishing green bagels.
Somehow we're not surprised to find arch-buffoon Marty Markowitz relishing green bagels.
khbirdmantalkingjets.blogspot.com
You're definitely going to need those Lysol wipes!
You're definitely going to need those Lysol wipes!
good-times.webshots.com

 

In case you wondered, that's a persimmon on the right.
In case you wondered, that's a persimmon on the right.
littlecabbage/Flickr
Oops! I forgot.
Oops! I forgot.
myJon/Flickr
A bagel doesn't make a very good booby.
A bagel doesn't make a very good booby.
safoocat/Flickr

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