Heinz Premieres Daring Dip-and-Squeeze Model for Its Ketchup Packets

Well, at least one of the world's most pressing problems has finally been solved: After 42 years, Heinz has re-designed its ketchup packets to be more user-friendly.

The old model, which was launched in 1968, required impassioned tearing with both fingers and teeth, and tended to yield ketchup ejaculate on the clothes and face of the tearer. The new model is, according to the Daily News, a 27-gram dip-and-squeeze container that comes in the shape of a tiny ketchup bottle, and features an easily pulled-back seal. It also contains three times the amount of ketchup as the old packets.

According to Heinz's vice president of ketchup, the company did extensive testing on how well the dip-and-tear model would perform when being used behind the wheel of a car. Whether it's more astounding that Heinz actually paid someone to rip open ketchup packets while operating a moving vehicle or employs someone with the actual title of vice president of ketchup, we'll let you be the judge.


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