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Sam Mason Is Opening an Artisanal Mayo Shop, Signaling the Brooklyn Food Movement's Total Descent Into Self-Parody

Oh, Brooklyn. We stood by you as your chocolatiers congratulated themselves on their "childlike curiosity." We had your back when the owner of your new-wave soda fountain described the mise en place required for making an egg cream. We even stuck around when your best-known artisanal butcher proudly proclaimed that his new hamburger stand on Rockaway Beach, Queens, was "by Brooklyn, for Brooklyn." But now you're going to be home to a store dedicated entirely to "high-end mayonnaise," and we're not sure we can go along for your ride any longer.

This store, reports Grub Street, is the project of Sam Mason, formerly of Tailor and Dinner With the Band. Mason had been selling his jars of Empire Mayonnaise all summer long at Smorgasburg, and apparently earned enough of a fan base to take things brick and mortar.

According to Mason's business partner, Elizabeth Valleau, the Mayonnaise Shop, which will be located on Vanderbilt Avenue in Prospect Heights, will sell some 40 varieties of mayo, including foie gras and coffee, and also function as a lab. Also according to Valleau, New York is in the midst of a "condiment revolution," though somewhat inexplicably, "nobody is coming in and owning the mayonnaise."

So it's come to this, Brooklyn. You've turned into that friend whose behavior we just can't make excuses for any longer, and that saddens us. There are so very many things we'd like to say to you, but we don't even know where to begin. So instead we'll just sit here, eating the last of that jar of your paprika-smoked heirloom pickles and wondering when it was, exactly, that you decided you'd be better off as a headline in The Onion.


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