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The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

It's time to dip deep into the Fork in the Road archive, for some semi-obscene photos that explore the depths of human depravity, an uncharted territory wherein sex and eating are entirely confused, body fluids mix with effete French sauces, and who knows what can end up in the crock pot? We ask anyone less than 18 years of age to turn away, and those of tender sensibilities to simply turn to the next post. Don't say we didn't warn you!

In the old days, mom knew how to keep dad at home. She'd simply uncinch her blouse, free her breasts, and dig out a box of cake mix. Instead of going out to a card game with his pals, or jumping into the car to go to an Elks Club meeting, he'd stay at home and watch the show.

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

Sometimes something savory works better than something sweet...

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

At other times, bread was the foodstuff of choice, and there was nothing more mesmerizing that watching a suburban housewife cut dough with a knife.

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

Often, the husband would get so into the nude cooking display, he'd doff his own clothes, but the after-work exertion entailed would sometimes make him pass out before the sandwich was finished.

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

On rare occasions, the husband would not only disrobe, but get involved in the cooking himself.

 

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

Another advantage of cooking topless: If you spill on yourself, no cleaning bill!

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

Of course, cooking topless in the great outdoors makes even more sense!

Not only cooking, but every aspect of a meal is prey to this untoward display of flesh, and the 20th century was not the first to discover this, as you can see from the following historic engraving we unearthed:

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)
The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

Donning a simple and elegant apron, and adding a flattering cap, the cook turns into a waiter, and the evening's hijinx is further extended. [Editor's note: Isn't this a still from a Bunuel movie?]

Alternate caption: Honey, I asked you to bring hors d'oeuvres, not whore's d'oeuvres!

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

Eating topless is every bit as fun as cooking topless.

Next: combining all these nudistic strains of thought: dining topless in the suburban outdoors.

The Real Food Porn: The Joys of Cooking Topless (NSFW)

A set of body paints, a paved backyard, and a tasty sno-cone--that's the real food porn.

Check out our other Real Food Porn Features:

The Hot Dog Archive

Vegs Gone Wild

The Food Porn Feature That Started It All


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