One-Handed Typing Gets Put to the Test

“You make me so wet. I’m rubbing myself so hard. Oh my God, I’m going to come!”

If you’ve ever had cybersex in a chat room, chances are you’ve read—or written—sentences like these. Amidst mmm’s and oh yeah’s, they appear in transcripts from even the most uninspired romps. It’s not hard to understand why cybering and orgasms so often go together. Cybersex is hot; getting hot makes you want to come. For a lot of people, real-life orgasm is the only reason to have cybersex at all. With one hand on their keyboards and the other down unzipped pairs of pants, these people are the well-coordinated mutual masturbators, hunt-and-pecking steamily while they stroke.

At least, that’s the idea. The fact of the matter is though, even the words “I’m going to come” are easier to type with two hands. Which raises the question: when someone tells you they’re orgasming during cybersex, how do you know for sure?

I like cybersex, believe me. But, for better or for worse, I often find myself engaged in some damn bad cybering. Trying to keep on my “No, I’m not doing this for research, what makes you say that?” game face, I enter moans of pleasure that match my partners’. When asked what I’m doing, I don’t think twice about responding, “Touching myself.” If pressed (some partners desperately want to feel accomplished), I’ll even fake a cyber orgasm. In theory, my fingers are lost deep inside me. In reality, I’m usually sitting at my desk, fully clothed, eating a sandwich.

I don’t mean to be deceptive, but when everyone seems to have a one-track mind—that track being “orgasm!”—what’s a girl to do? Sure, my case is somewhat special, but it makes me wonder. Even in the world of laymen cyberers, not every orgasm can be real. Not every encounter can be so hot it inspires climax. Not every beautiful woman can actually be sitting at home, fondling herself through her black lingerie. So how can so many cybersex transcripts look the same? Other people must be faking it, too.

For a lot of people, the idea of being faked on is like a sexual slap in the face. (“And by the way, I was faking!” comes to mind as a particularly unpleasant way to get kicked to the curb by a lover.) But before you get indignant about potential online fakers, there are a few things to remember in their defense.

First, there’s a lot of pressure. Guys especially aren’t too keen on hearing “No, I’m not touching myself.” It’s part of the appeal of cybersex that there’s a “hot girl” masturbating on the other end of the screen. So it’s understandable that a woman might lie. Plus, just because you really are naked in front of your computer doesn’t mean your partner signed a contract to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Cybersex, as we keep saying, is about mutual fantasy. If your partner says “I orgasmed,” that might be part of the fantasy, too.

Of course, it’s just as possible for guys to fake it as girls. With a girl you might look for clues like 1) Does she seem turned on by the chat, or are her generic responses and uninspired “orgasm” description a sign that she’s trying to end things quickly and gracefully? 2) Has she had enough time to actually make herself come? Typing coherent sentences—typing anything for that matter—while rubbing yourself to orgasm isn’t just damn difficult, it’s also not very much fun. As in real-life sex, particularly colorful exclamations ("Oh, yes, I fucking love it when you fuck me with your fucking hot cock!") can also mark a faker.

On the other hand, for guys, the question is more feasibility. It’s not as hard to masturbate and type if you have a penis. (Granted, it’s not easy either—or so I'm told.) But if your male lover still wants to go at it five seconds after he supposedly came… Well, that’s a red flag. Then there are the serial orgasm-ers, guys who claim to be “shooting their hot load” every three minutes for a straight hour and a half. Sexy? Maybe. Probable. No way.

Things get even more complicated when you consider that it’s nearly impossible to tell the real-life gender of the person you’re cybering with, let alone whether they’ve orgasmed. Maybe the cute girl from California didn’t need to stop typing to get off because, well, she had a penis. If you really want to know for sure, the answer is simple: webcam.