A Little on the Side


In my latest peek between the sheets, the truth became obvious: You should plain ol’ dump one another’s asses instead of choose to pump another’s on the sly. After talking to you people this week, I’ve decided Jackie O was being down right sexist when she said that all men cheat. Lots of women cheat, too.

Robert, 24, Island Park My ex-girlfriend was cheating on me with guys in the building. We were living together as roommates first. She said one guy’s name one night when we were fooling around. I also caught the guy in her room.

One night when we were fooling around, she said, “What’s up?” Now the worst thing you can ever say to a girl is “I’m just fucking you.” That’s when I said it. I’ll never say that again. I was joking around. She was very vengeful and took that to be a statement of reality. I never ever liked the girl, so I didn’t care that she was cheating because, in a way, I was just fucking her.

Matthew, 21, Floral Park My friend was going out with this guy for a while. She always felt that he was kind of shady and that kind of shit. It wound up that he was cheating. She was at Trilogy and met this girl who was talking about some guy that she met and had fooled around with. It turned out to be my friend’s boyfriend. They were going out for a year or two. He had been getting different beeps from people like four in the morning. He wouldn’t call back. She was like, “Who’s that?” He was like, “Uh, I don’t know.” This was the last straw. But they still kept in contact.

This other girl moved into his apartment. My friend still fooled around with her ex. But he was still going out with the chick that moved in. Now my friend was the other woman. After they fooled around, he told her he wanted to get back together. And they did. Then, she finally had it. She still calls him and pranks him to see who’s there. He has Caller ID. So she goes to pay phones. We did it a few nights ago from 7-Eleven. She was pranking him with a cigarette in one hand and a Big Gulp in the other.

Sara, 29, South Shore He slept with me when I was living in Michigan. He left Thursday when he said he had stuff to do in New York. He was a pilot. I was practically in my pajamas and dropped him off at the airport. I was friends with his roommate. She told me she found a girl walking out of his bedroom in New York in his bathrobe that morning. She was naked underneath it, of course. I was supposed to go to New York for the weekend. And the roommate told me he had made her breakfast and gave her roses. He said that they were just friends. She just slept in his bed, but supposedly nothing happened. After I found out I dumped his ass like a wet dog. At the present time, he’s dating a girl right now seriously and he has, from what I hear, two other girlfriends down in Florida. And he forgot to call his serious girlfriend on her birthday.

Steve, 32, Wantagh I was going out with this girl for two and a half years and I got invited to my first girlfriend’s wedding. My girlfriend at the time was going to go with me. About a week before the wedding, my girlfriend told me she was going to Cancun. That left me without a date for the wedding. There was somebody at work I had a crush on. So my girlfriend at the time, she started picking out people I could take instead of her. I knew it would irritate her that I was taking this other girl because she was a knockout. I did end up going back to my place with this girl. It was almost legalized cheating. But nothing happened.

Here’s where it gets really funny. My girlfriend and the girl who got married were staying in exactly the same hotel, on the same floor. They ran into each other on the beach. Their little dialogue ran along the lines about who I took to the wedding.

When my girlfriend got back she started screaming. I broke up with her at the end of the week and started seeing the other girl.

A bit after this, I was going out with another girl for about a month. My friend came up to me while I was at the bar. He handed me a piece of paper. He said, “I didn’t read this, but your girlfriend just slipped this into my pants.” It was a note in her unmistakable handwriting. It said, “I feel alone. You’re alone. Why don’t we be alone together?” To his credit, he was a really good-looking guy. He could have nailed her and I wouldn’t have known. But he gave her up. I just handed her the note.

She made this really Demi-Moore-in-Ghost face. She didn’t really say anything. I took her home. We didn’t talk for weeks. It just sort of fizzled out. She ended up marrying another one of my friends.

Violet, 42, Merrick I met this guy online. We spent hours on the Internet and on the phone talking to each other. We met in person. He was a very playful little kitty cat. We spent more time together. Then I looked up his screen name at his Web server just to do a little research, to see if there was anything on him, like a profile. And what do I find but a personal ad in which he mentions that he’s engaged and “happily living with his fiancée” in Manhattan. Needless to say the first phone call that I made was to his apartment in Manhattan. When he heard my voice on the phone he kept saying, “Hello, hello, hello” like there was no one on the line. I called again and got his answering machine and screeched, “What do you mean, you little fuck, ‘I’m happily engaged living with my fiancée.’ ” I didn’t say any more except that I had an appointment with my doctor for a pregnancy test. Then next day he called me up hysterical, telling me that I had ruined his relationship and his engagement was off. Can’t wait to see what happens when I tell him that the rabbit died.

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