Howard Stern’s guest a few weeks back was Candy Apples, who recently tried to break the world gang-bang record (footage available at gangbang.com). During a commercial break, Candy was pumping her online treat, and playing subtly in the background was Prozzäk: “Sucks to be you/I know, I know….” Hilarious, especially since Prozzäk’s Hot Show, in fact the very existence of this “band,” is centered around a sweetheart named Simon (a cartoon character with a bad British accent, no nose, no neck, and big, blue, listless eyes), his buff buddy Milo, and an endless quest to find love in a cruel world. Sure there’s a “Wild Thing” that makes his heart sing, but where Fatboy Slim fucks in heaven, Milo admits he likes to “watch your hot box.”
It’s totally SNL‘s Hans and Franz meet A Night at the Roxbury. Yeah, Simon’s got a “Strange Disease,” but hardly from 30 seconds of Candy Apples’s sweetness! Even if his libido has gone berserk, he’s just a worldwide sap—for his Spanish flame in the Abba-esque “Europa,” his “Mediterranean Lady,” his “lover from the heart of Africa,” and his Tokyo woman, Ya Tsunami. Simon’s world of infectious Eurodiscopop heartache, master minded by philosopher-kings-turned-court-jesters Jason Levine and James McCullum, is a tour joke gone horribly right. MTV2 plays “Sucks to Be You” at least once a day, maybe because of a direct hyperlink from the Prozzäk Web site to MTV mail encouraging fans to vote. Look out, Carson, next stop’s Total Request Live.