Howard Stern’s guest a few weeks back was Candy Apples, who recently tried to break the world gang-bang record (footage available at gangbang.com). During a commercial break, Candy was pumping her online treat, and playing subtly in the background was Prozzäk: “Sucks to be you/I know, I know….” Hilarious, especially since Prozzäk’s Hot Show, in fact the very existence of this “band,” is centered around a sweetheart named Simon (a cartoon character with a bad British accent, no nose, no neck, and big, blue, listless eyes), his buff buddy Milo, and an endless quest to find love in a cruel world. Sure there’s a “Wild Thing” that makes his heart sing, but where Fatboy Slim fucks in heaven, Milo admits he likes to “watch your hot box.”
It’s totally SNL‘s Hans and Franz meet A Night at the Roxbury. Yeah, Simon’s got a “Strange Disease,” but hardly from 30 seconds of Candy Apples’s sweetness! Even if his libido has gone berserk, he’s just a worldwide sap—for his Spanish flame in the Abba-esque “Europa,” his “Mediterranean Lady,” his “lover from the heart of Africa,” and his Tokyo woman, Ya Tsunami. Simon’s world of infectious Eurodiscopop heartache, master minded by philosopher-kings-turned-court-jesters Jason Levine and James McCullum, is a tour joke gone horribly right. MTV2 plays “Sucks to Be You” at least once a day, maybe because of a direct hyperlink from the Prozzäk Web site to MTV mail encouraging fans to vote. Look out, Carson, next stop’s Total Request Live.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on November 2, 1999