Living

Sporting Life

by


Raphael Fetta

Age 23

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Student

What’s your favorite Olympic event? What’s that event where they throw all kinds of objects like the discus, javelin, and shotput? It’s the pentathlon or something like that. I think the Olympic process is suspect because it’s not always the best athlete who makes the American team. Sometimes it’s just that they won at the trials.

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? Thumb wars. It’s something we’ve been training for since first grade. You challenge someone by saying, “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.” My thumb’s not in shape right now.



Lester Peña

Age 27

Resides Staten Island

Occupation Security guard/student

What’s your favorite Olympic event? Basketball and high diving. Gymnastics. I think we all like the possibility that somebody might break their neck. You don’t want it to happen but the idea that it might makes watching it very tense. I remember that poor Chinese girl who broke her neck a couple of years ago.

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? I’d be interested in anything like a team competition involving worms. That was in the Guinness Book of World Records. I’d also like to see a tightrope-walking event where there was a shot of tequila at either end of the rope. You’d have to walk across, drink one shot, then walk back across to the other shot.



Joanna Rudolph

Age 24

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Office administrator

What’s your favorite Olympic event? Swimming and diving. There’s a certain fear factor that attracts us. You are afraid divers are going to hit their heads on the board, and secretly, you’re half hoping they will. Of course, you want it to be a minor injury. Most of all, you want to see it happen and say to yourself, “Thank God that wasn’t me.”

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? Writing. The challenge could be to compose an essay within a certain time period, say five minutes, on a certain social theme. I’d also like to see competitive debating.



Dennis Palazzolo

Age 20

Resides Brooklyn

Occupation Student

What’s your favorite Olympic event? Gymnastics. I went to the Atlanta Olympics and just missed being in the place the bomb went off. I was there two hours earlier.

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? The Asian game go. Chess is more likely to be designated an Olympic game, but go is the better game. I’d also like to see something based on the urban legend known as the Darwin Award. That’s a prize given to someone posthumously to thank them for removing themselves from the human race. It was first awarded to someone who installed a missile in a train car and put it on the tracks.



Hanif Chambers

Age 23

Resides Brooklyn

Occupation Data networking

What’s your favorite Olympic event? Basketball. You know that the U.S. will cream everyone, but for the real NBA fan, it’s a chance to watch a unique kind of team. The players are chosen from the NBA based on their stats.

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? I’d like to see an event based on holding your breath. You could do it as an individual or as part of a team, on dry land or under water.



Jenny Koonz

Age 19

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Student

What’s your favorite Olympic event? I think swimming is exciting to watch, but the new full-body swimsuits they’re wearing are a lot of hype. It’s a fad that will wear off once the Olympics are over. Many countries can’t even afford to buy them for their swimmers, so it’s also a little unfair.

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? Some kind of scooter competition. Maybe the drivers could be drunk.



Jake Sadowsky

Age 33

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Self-employed

What’s your favorite Olympic event? In the winter Olympics, it’s skating. In the summer, it’s gymnastics. Anything that involves women in tights getting their knees blown out.

What nonathletic activity should be an Olympic event? A competition involving widespread psychedelic mushroom consumption. An Olympic Burning Man where either the biggest fire or the biggest object burned won. I’d like to see international teams compete at demolition, or at a fireworks display, and an event where whoever could stand prolonged exposure to high decibel levels won.