Neighborhoods

Age-Old

by

MICHAEL MARTIN

Age 30

Resides Brooklyn

Occupation Production editor

Have you ever lied about your age? Yes, to buy alcohol and get into clubs. I’ve lied to women about how old I was. When you’re between 15 and 18, you’re always two years older. When you’re 25, you’re two years younger.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? Yes. I had one that worked for two years. I got it on 42nd Street. It said something like “Certified Connecticut Identification,” and it had a fake address and Social Security number. It worked perfectly in Delaware, where I was going to school, but when I came back to New York I got busted using it in a liquor store.

What’s the ideal age to be? Twenty-two. You’re just over the hump of 21. You don’t have to tell the ladies you’re older, and you don’t have to tell them you’re younger. If you’re asking me what age I’d like to go back to, I’d say 17. You just got your driver’s license, you’re a senior in high school, you’re still at home, and someone else is paying the bills.


SCOTT CHRISTY

Age 36

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Concierge

Have you ever lied about your age? No, it’s a non-issue for me. It’s a cliché, but men have an easier time with the age question than women do.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? No. When I was a kid I got older friends to buy me beer.

What’s the ideal age to be? Definitely not your twenties. It’s probably the age I am now. In your thirties and forties you’re settled, you know who and what you like and don’t like. Once you get past a certain age, you don’t put up with bullshit anymore.


LETICIA CRUZ

Age 33

Resides Bronx

Occupation Housewife

Have you ever lied about your age? No, I’m still young so I haven’t lied yet. I think the minimum age for everything should be 21. You have 16-year-olds with no experience driving around in 2000-pound cars.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? Not now, but I once heard you could get them on 42nd Street.

What’s the ideal age to be? Now. I know everything I need to know, and I can do anything I want.


CHARLES KORNEGAY

Age 25

Resides Brooklyn

Occupation Actor

Have you ever lied about your age? Yes, I’m an actor. I look younger than my age, so I go out for younger parts. When you work with actors they’re always older than they say. It’s a natural practice throughout the industry. There’s no way somebody like Alicia Keys is 20.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? Yes, 42nd Street. It works everywhere but in New York.

What’s the ideal age to be? Twenty-two or 23. I like being 25, but people don’t believe me when I say that’s how old I am. I don’t act my age.


JEANETTE

Age 25

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Lawyer

Have you ever lied about your age? No. I come from Canada, where there aren’t the same kinds of age restrictions that there are here.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? No. I thought you could make them on a color printer.

What’s the ideal age to be? Twenty-five. I’m old enough to be taken seriously. I’m not as stupid as I looked at 23, and I’m not as dated as I’ll be at 30.


MICHAEL LAWRENCE

Age 39

Resides Manhattan

Occupation Cook

Have you ever lied about your age? In my youth, I lied to get into a club, but you could just go to the bodega to buy alcohol. It’s New York, so that wasn’t a problem.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? Times Square.

What’s the ideal age to be? How old are you when you’re in ninth grade? Fourteen or 15. It’s exciting; you’re making plans for your future. I went to an all-boys vocational high school because I was interested in cabinet making. I’d like to have had a more academic education.


SKY AGNITTI

Age 23

Resides Brooklyn

Occupation House husband

Have you ever lied about your age? Yes, but only with women. If I don’t shave for a few days I can look like I’m 30. That’s what the escort services want. If you’re 17 and living in Pioneer Valley in Massachusetts and trying to put yourself through school, you’ll tell the ladies you’re whatever age they want you to be.

Do you know how to get a fake ID? Yes. Ask one of your drug-dealer friends to ask his 30-year-old friend who works at the university making student IDs. You can make them and the hologram using plastic and an Epson 730 printer. You just need to buy your own ink syringes.

What’s the ideal age to be? Six. For me, that was the year I realized my mother wasn’t God. Then I grew up.