Get Up Kids


If anybody doubted the pervasiveness of extreme sports and emo culture in kidland, check out Treasure Planet, Disney’s spaced-up version of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island. Manchild Jim, a G-Force skate-punk voiced to angsty perfection by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, sports a bi-level rat-tail, rides a turbo-powered sky-board, and is scarred by his deadbeat dad’s launch into the mist. Of course, kid-flick elders never fare well (see Spirited Away‘s porcine parents), but here we get a music video of Dad’s departure, teary bombast provided by Johnny Rzeznik’s custom-penned “I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme).” When destiny delivers a treasure map (an IMAX-awesome 3-D matrix issuing from a handheld orb), Jim seeks the fortune to help his struggling mom. He and physicist pal Dr. Doppler (David Hyde Pierce) charter a spacegoing vessel, more Pinta than Falcon, with a freak-show crew that lusts for the spoils. Jim’s bond with secretly mutinous cyborg cook John Silver threatens the overthrow. Despite more betrayal and loyalty than a Chris Carabba box set, there’s no real good or evil here. Jim’s greed-fueled adventure matures him from scruffy delinquent to friend of the police-bots. Most popular toy: an amoral shape-shifting bit of putty named Morph. Unhappy meal: Martin Short as a club-sizzled, castaway C-3P0 as wince-worthy as Jar Jar.