PS2 (review version), Xbox
Developer: EA Canada
Publisher: EA Sports Big
Rating: 9 (out of 10)
If the only snow you indulge in comes from Colombia, this franchise redesign justifies staying up all night. Instead of giving you a pass to exotic snowboarding locales, like the last installment, SSX Tricky, this winter’s best carve-and-grind title opens up an entire mountain, three highs—or peaks—one after the other. Just as the Inuit have lotsa words for “snow,” EA Canada’s designers developed 30 types of powder for their new mountain. And herein falls the game’s fundamental appeal: Like Wakeboarding Unleashed, where waves cushion realistically and you scrape up ramps and into nothingness, SSX 3 transmits texture, depth, and vertiginous launches with a combination of crisp, vista-encompassing graphics, fine response, and turbulent controller feedback.
Dropped onto the slope, you follow signs to racing, jumping, and freestyle events or head off-trail and navigate fallen trees (doubling, of course, as rails), huge drops, and, on the third peak, avalanches, gaping chasms that suddenly spread beneath you, and even barreling trains. You could spend a half-hour simply steering down the mountain, but there are tricks to be turned and medals to be won. (PS2 players can compete online.) Money earned exploring and meeting preposterous challenges pays for increased skill, accessories like squirt guns, and haircuts—gee. To rack up points and adrenaline, which enables “über” and “super-über” flip-and-grab moves, you’ll rely on new abilities to flex your board and perform handplants while contending with choppier rails, furious turns, and, per the ESRB, your witty opponents’ “comic mischief and mild violence.” All to the sounds of Fatboy Slim and Jane’s Addiction!
DDRMAX2: DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION
Unlike bukkake, this Japanese pastime makes perfect sense. We must, per Billy Idol, dance alone on a big cushy pad sometimes. This game insures that even without a partner, we score or get rejected. Only the fleet-footed will hack “Heavy” mode—not to be confused with “Workout” mode, which counts the calories you burn. The series’ most extensive music library yet includes Kylie, Dirty Vegas, obscure J-pop, and a host of fun, anonymous techno crap.
ESPN NHL HOCKEY
(Sega—PS2, Xbox) 8
Branding: Cows don’t like it, but corporations sure do. When the gloves come off, this ESPN tie-in is really just a manicured version of last year’s game. The complex controls have been refined, and the team-management franchise mode now allows you to import new characters. Most notably, Sega tightened online play, closing easy-goal loopholes and adding a surprisingly fun single-skill competition mode.
(EA Games—GameCube, PS2, Xbox) 7
Enemy submarines sit in New York Harbor, tanks roll down Broadway, and femme fatale Tatiana Kempinski ha-ha delivers propaganda over the airwaves: It’s up to Brooklyn plumber Christopher Stone to flush the Soviet army from NYC. By passing medic kits to wounded rebels, bombing the enemy, or raising the Stars ‘n’ Stripes, you win the loyalty of up to 12 citizen soldiers, who accompany you through large, nonlinear levels. Don’t let your freedom go down the toilet!
The I Ching: “When the way comes to an end, then change—having changed, you pass through.” In this arcade-style shooter, you speed through a downward-scrolling gauntlet of black- or white-bullet-firing enemies and obstacles, either dodging those of the opposite color or reversing your polarity to absorb them. Try it at half-speed. As Confucius said, “It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop.” Just don’t forget to use the bathroom!
OTOGI—MYTH OF DEMONS
The Japanese aesthetes behind this quasi-role-playing action title have created a hermetic universe fired by neuroses and governed by the twitchy laws of OCD. A cloaked princess assigns your character, former executioner Raikoh, quests so that he may “cleanse” his death-doling clan of “impurity.” Set a millennium ago, during Japan’s Heian era, the single-player Otogi bombards you with creepy spirits, Rorschach demons, and trickster bosses.
THE SIMPSONS: HIT & RUN
(Vivendi Universal Games—GameCube, PS2, Xbox) 9
Who better than our anagrammatic brat-boy to lead the hee-larious tutorial for the best Simpsons license yet? “Violence,” Bart deadpans as you crash your pink convertible to earn coins, “is always an appropriate response in the face of the unknown.” With each level a corporate-conspiracy-addled Springfield grows. Cruise into the sticks, where nuke-green sewage runs freely and the slack-jawed yokel Cletus falls under your pricey wheels. It’s funny ’cause it’s true.
ULTIMATE MUSCLE: LEGENDS VS. NEW GENERATION
This is the most homoerotic game ever. Even the male-stripper stereotypes of the WWE can’t compare to Ultimate Muscle‘s anime-rendered Village People lineup. The fighter’s fanciful settings, bitchy trash-talking, customizable everything, and series of attacks that culminate in nutty cut scenes bring life to a sometimes plodding genre. Plus, vibrant cel-shaded graphics perfectly complement the Fruity Pebbles sugar-buzz action.
Helmed almost as a hobby by moneymakin’ Resident Evil 2 director Hideki Kamiya, this remarkably well-thunk-out 2-D side scroller celebrates purely physical gaming-qua-gaming. Speeding or slowing time, Joe deflects fists and bullets, scarfs burgers, and completes small but tricky tasks while turning corners and leaping for coins. Smooth, engrossing, tough, and pretty, Viewtiful Joe exceeds every GameCube title except The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
A lighthearted traipse through New Orleans’s fancifully imagined heart of darkness, Xbox’s solidest platformer yet warps the fundamental premise of the action genre—hoodoo doll Vince’s special powers cause him harm in order to defeat his enemies. At one point, you must alter time to win a contest to buy a trumpet to take lessons to jam with a skeletal museum-guarding jazzman. It’s voodoo, not doodoo!