Making a List


Because we are still hung over from last week, Fly Life has enlisted some of New York’s notables to supply their New Year’s resolutions. Ours? To behave.

Julie Atlas Muz, burlesque performer: “Not to press the snooze button on my alarm clock. This is very difficult for me as I often press the snooze button for hours.”

Rory Phillips, DJ, Trash, London: “To start wearing a watch again. Me and mobile phones don’t mix.”

DJ Seoul, DJ-promoter, Direct Drive: “Stick to the healthy eating thing and get my little 3-year-old girl into tae kwon do classes and teach her how to DJ!”

Theo Kogan, punk-rock loony chick, “To start smoking and drinking heavily.”

Murray Hill, ladies’ man: “My New Year’s resolution is to figure out how to cook a cheese omelet on my George Foreman grill and to become a real metrosexual and go to Pilates. The ladies love my half-keg look, but I wanna get my 12-pack abs back for 2004.”

Fancy, fey producer-DJ, Fannypack: “1. To finally start my own tax-exempt religious sect. I’d like it to be mostly heavy goth girls if that’s possible. 2. To stop having people always think I’m gay and start actually being gay.”

Khan, techno DJ: “To never spend a cold winter again. Preferable destinations are Costa Rica, Mexico, and Australia!”

Moby, techno artist, tea connoisseur: “To learn how to scuba dive.”

Jackie Beat, infamous drag performer, lead singer, Dirty Sanchez, Los Angeles: “To spend even more time with God’s most amazing creations: dogs.”

Adam Dugas, downtown performer, hunk: “I resolve to get more of my unfinished projects into production, make more money doing them, and quit smoking. I wish for a brand new president elected in November!”

Choire Sicha, fellow big mouth, “My resolution for 2004 is CEI, which sounds like a Law and Order spin-off but stands for ‘Charitably Express Intolerance.’ I’m not quite sure what it means entirely, but I think it means I get to be a super-bitch all year while treating people kindly. My wish for 2004 is that a radical team of anti-gentrification super-freaks will plot a series of pranks and dramatic actions against the raging tide of stupid real estate developers, with the goal to bring the spunk back to downtown Manhattan by any means necessary.”

David Rabin, president of the New York Nightlife Association, co-owner of Lotus: “To keep fighting as hard as I can to keep the administration from turning NYC into Cleveland.”

Dominique Keegan, DJ-producer, owner of Plant Bar: “To be treated with respect by Consumer Affairs, airlines, and Time Warner Cable. Unlikely to be resolved.”

Carlos D., bass player, Interpol: “Rescue my spiritually disfigured existence from the nightly depravity to which it bears witness and nourish it with the voice of God.”

Jeannie Hopper, DJ, Liquid Sound Lounge, WBAI: “To dance wherever, whenever, and however in breaking the law and exercising my First Amendment right—freedom of expression—as much as possible!”

Thomas Onorato, Motherfucker door bitch: “I want to work on as many good parties as possible, cleanse and moisturize every day, and find a lip gloss that is actually not sticky.”

Jake Shears, lead singer, Scissor Sisters: “I resolve to stop listening to Roxette and Air Supply. It’s had a detrimental effect on my love life, and my neighbors have been complaining.”

Opti-Grab, new electro-booty bass trio: “Try to gain back the weight through high-carb diet. Finally schedule proctology appointment. Get that planters wart removed. No more dry hair. No more dark holes. No more crapping in the dressing room. Finish that damn garden. Learn needlepoint. Defrost the fridge. More legendary legends and up-and-coming childrenary children backstage and in the audience! More dance moves and fresh beats. Less drama. Less Bush.”

Hector Romero, house DJ-producer: “To stop procrastinating, and I wish for peace on Earth!”

Tony Fletcher, DJ, author: “Don’t get fooled again. Again. Learn from past mistakes. Again. Life begins at 40. So I hope. Wishes? The city scraps the cabaret laws as promised—and doesn’t replace them with anything equally restrictive.”

Anthony Roman, singer, Radio 4: “To be more politically involved both as a person and with Radio 4. It’s an election year and the U.S.A. is a scary place. Every contribution helps.”

Rachael, promoter, Gloss: “I try not to make New Year’s resolutions. Too much disappointment and self-loathing.”

Ulysses, techno DJ-producer: “Last year I promised to be good. This year I promise to be bad, sooo bad.”

Marga Gomez, comedienne extraordinaire: “I only like to make resolutions I can keep. In 2004 I will speak in a brogue, gain weight, pick fights, and spend more time with the Olsen twins. I also want to spend more time outdoors, so I’m taking up smoking.”

DJ Empress, drum’n’bass diva: “To bring drum’n’bass to a bigger audience (and prove its not dead—it’s just napping), to release more of my unsigned music, to do more remixes, to play more fashion shows/benefit shows, to be more politically active and elect a Democrat, and to spread more love and light wherever I go.”

Dieselboy, drum’n’bass DJ and producer, Philadelphia: “Maintain my obsessive compulsive nutrition and fitness regimen that I began last summer.”

Luomo a/k/a Vladislav Delay, techno producer, Finland: “Will try making the best possible music; will try treating my girlfriend with the respect and support that she has shown me; will try and quit smoking in preparation for coming to play in New York!”

Nick Zinner, guitarist, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, owner of best hair in rock: “To grow taller.”

Christine Renee, downtown DJ: “To travel more. I’m ready. I think my first stop will be Berlin in February.”

Troy Pierce, DJ-producer: “To learn German and learn to live without Taco Bell.”

Matt E. Silver, üaut;ber-club promoter: “To start going out again and help make New York City the nightlife capital of the world again.”

Frankie Knuckles, legendary house DJ: “As a rule, I don’t make resolutions. They’re hard to commit to and live up to. But one focus that remains true with me is to not only continue to work on blurring the lines racially & ethnically but sexually also. I think my music helps to bolster this feeling.”

John Selway, techno DJ-producer: “I resolve to grab the mic, kick out the jams, finish another album and finally sign a damn publishing deal already. The Responsible Space Playboys resolve to jack you in 2004. The Neurotic Drum Band resolves to get neurotic. Memory Boy resolves.”

Justine D, Motherfucker DJ: “To be a more understanding person of big shady nightclub overlords, open up my own live music and dance venue, and live my life as an honest, trustworthy club owner.”

Mat Devine, singer, Kill Hannah, Chicago: “I will not have sex with Winona Ryder this year.”

Silver, techno DJ-producer: “To give NYC a fun new night of music and debauchery (at a new place), put out an album with NUDE, and continue my fierce battle against bad mainstream-MTV music.”

Richard Humpty Vission, house DJ, Chicago: “Walk my dog every day and stop signing girls’ breasts. Maybe one of two would be good!”

Tommie Sunshine, DJ, perpetual wearer of sunglasses at night: “I resolve in 2004 to covertly and mercilessly kill my girlfriend’s three dogs.”

Michael T, Motherfucker DJ: “To become the first club promoter Unabomber! Every time a club and/or club owner tries to fuck us over at Motherfucker, I simply won’t get mad anymore—just even. I’ll blow the sucker up . . . real good! Naturally, I’ll be in full Combat Fatigue Drag Realness! My new alias will be Michael Abdul Hummus T.”

Andrew Andrew, professional twins, iPod fanatics: “Try to get our resolutions mentioned in the Village Voice.” Consider it done, boys. Happy New Year!

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