The Bush–Kerry race is causing much anguish and confusion among Texas crack dealers, threatening to hold down the November 2 turnout in this crucial voting bloc, the Voice has learned. Both candidates are being blamed. The following “Dear Abby” letter is just one version; it was forwarded to me from Canada by Marg in Ottawa, via Jim in Toronto:
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. Well, not exactly former. She’s still a part-time “working girl.”
My problem is this: I love my fiancÌ©e and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports George W. Bush for president?
Worried About My Reputation