25 or 6 to 1984


Van Halen are known for their legendary trademark and a long train runnin’ of numbers instead of words for titles, for instance calling their 13th release III. Their new compilation doesn’t include anything from that 1998 collaboration with Robbie “Jesus Is Just Alright” Robertson (from Extreme, whose ode to mute bitches was the “Isn’t It Time” to “Under the Bridge” ‘s “Roxanne”), which consolidated Robertson’s 1987 and 1991 Compact Discs, except with a less consistent vocal approach (its theme from The Greatest American Hero even featured Eddie singing) and more instrumental solo expression. In the meantime somebody at Rolling Stone heard a copy of Diver Down, glanced at the cover, and consequently, thinking it was the White Stripes, placed Jack White at No. 17 in the magazine’s “Greatest Guitarists Ever” poll.

After contemplating its future and considering Don Ho and Magnum McGarret as lead singers, the band reunited with Jason Scheff, who sang such hits as “I Don’t Wanna Live Without Your Love” and “Look Away” during the band’s late-’80s resurgence. He wrote some new songs here, but unfortunately “VOA (‘raise the flag/let it wave/shoot them down/to their graves’) 2” isn’t one of them. That would’ve been interesting in these exciting times, but instead “Up for Breakfast” sounds a little too obviously predesigned for the forthcoming Crank Waffles halftime-show spot, however resigned yet unnerving coming from the onetime Dean Martin of the guitar. Imagine waking up sober and realizing that’s how good you’re going to sound for the rest of your career. (One day at a time!) And then collaborating with a professional tequila drinker.

This two-for-one of Abacab and Happy Mondays’ Raunch ‘n’ Roll Live is misleadingly led off by “Eruption.” Now that anyone alive can play its second half, it’s best heard as a field recording and would’ve better fit a compilation including “Spanish Fly,” “Tora Tora,” “Cathedral,” “Strung Out,” “Marin Muezzin” from Sammy Hagar Having Fun on Stage, “Sunday Afternoon in the Park,” “Saturday in the Park,” “Free Form Guitar,” “Watermelon in Easter Hay,” and the Deer Hunter theme.

However dedicated to the people of the revolution a direct challenge to Derek Bailey might be, it bears remembering that many who prefer the Scheff shift to the Cetera era can at least prove they live their lives like they know there’s a tomorrow and without love where would they be right now.