Ridiculous times call for a ridiculous cocktail. Luckily, in a city where exorbitance excels, concocting outrageous drinks is a tireless one-up-you game. Sixty types of tequila on the menu? Eh, done already. A martini with exotic fruit harvested by a local tribesman named Tahiki in an obscure corner of the Himalayas, transported on The Don’s private jet? Sigh. I guess that’ll do . . . for now.
That said, it wasn’t hard to find five of the most fantastic, wacked-out cocktails to start off the new year. And don’t pretend you don’t want one—because common sense is a sucker’s game, Mr. Coors Light.
1. Pro-tini: What Atkins hath wrought now. The Pro-tini, a lo-carb martini, is a blend of less-starchy soy vodka, plum nectar, ginger brandy, and edamame garnish. At Divine Bar West.
2. Fother Mucker: Their answer to red bull and vodka, this one contains Zygo, an “energy vodka” with guarana and the ancient medicinal drink, yerba mate. Sounds delish! At Brite Bar.
3. Martini on the Rock: Popular with the press as it recently ousted World Bar’s $50 cocktail for the title of most expensive drink. The mammoth price tag ($10,000 and up, depending on the size of that rock) pays for the real diamond at the bottom, chosen after a consultation and appraisal with the Algonquin’s inhouse jeweler. Requires 72-hour advance notice. At Blue Bar at the Algonquin Hotel.
4. Pang’s Punch: A good cocktail shouldn’t just get you pissed—it should light your way to the bathroom too. Enter Pang’s Punch, a glow-in-the-dark concoction of Malibu rum, blue curacao, light rum, pineapple juice, seltzer and cranberry. A glow stick dropped in the glass illuminates the whole drink. At Otto’s Shrunken Head.
5. Tiki Torch Shot: The bartender sets not only a double shot of chilled rum on fire—but the bar table too. (The fire extinguishes once it’s consumed the alcohol dripped on the metal bar table). And that’s not all the fun, kids: your drink, in a tiki-man shaped glass, comes wearing its own little lemon-wedge hat. At Zombie Hut.